SHINING THROUGH

It's a.....

2007-10-22T09:00:00.000Z

BABY GIRL!!!!!! She is healthy, active and looks beautiful! Sorry for the delay in announcing the news, I was away to see my family in Italy straight after. We are over the moon that everything looks as it should be and she is growing perfectly.

We are thinking of calling her Jade, my husband chose the name and I love it very much. She has been kicking like crazy and I cannot wait to cuddle her and kiss her. I still can't believe it. The next step is the birth really, just three months to go!!! Getting a little nervous about it, but I try not to worry too much, as billions of women have been through it and I am sure I will cope somehow. And at the end of the pain, there will be so much joy that no words can describe.

Pain and joy

2007-10-09T09:31:00.000Z

On Thursday at 9.30am I have an ultrasound and we cannot wait to find out the sex of the baby, my husband thinks it's a boy, but I am not so sure. Either way we will be over the moon to watch him/her on the screen and check out that he is healthy and active. The little one has been kicking me for a while now and it's the most amazing feeling, better than anything in the world. I can't wait to meet the baby, but also I am fully enjoying this period in my life, as it is so precious and I feel very lucky.
Unfortunately there has been some trouble as I have been having a horrible time with my teeth and gums. I have had an ongoing infection since few weeks ago and a wisdom tooth that needs to come out, but the dentist wants to wait after the pregnancy to do the extraction.
In the meantime though I had to take antibiotics and painkillers to get the infection out. Now I got a root canal done on another tooth to try and see if that was what started the infection. Nobody seems to know much about what to do and I have been so scared with the medicine they gave me, they said they are safe in pregnancy, but medicine is medicine and I would have preferred not to take anything at all. I stopped smoking and drinking because I wanted to give the best start in life to my little one and then filling him with medicine and local anesthetic just got me so angry! I had to do it as they said the infection is worse for both of us, but it has been an agonizing time.
So the pain has been with me for nearly 4 weeks now, with brief relief in between, and I have gone through some horrible days when I had wanted to rip all my teeth out of my mouth. If any of you has ever had any tootache or abscess, then you know exactly what I mean. I feel better now and every day hope increases that I will be fine but at the same time I am just so scared that the infection will come back again (as it has twice already).
The dentist says that if we can hold on until the end of the pregnancy, then everything will be okay. Afterwards he will take care of it without having to worry about harming the baby.

So today is a good day and the pain is bearable, still in the background, but nothing I can't cope with. I feel optimistic and every time I feel a kick, it fills me with joy that makes me forget any pain in the world.

I will update you on Thursday!!!

Shining Through

2007-09-28T10:07:00.000Z

I am back from my long long break! So many things have happened but the biggest one is that, as you might notice from my new picture, I am pregnant!!!
I am expecting our first baby and I am very excited and over the moon. Currently I am 5 months along and the baby is due in February 2008.

It was a planned pregnancy for Christmas, so it was a surprise that it happened now but we guessed that the baby didn't want to wait that long and wanted to come out earlier! We believe it's a boy, but we have no proof apart from our instinct. On Oct 11th we will find out the sex and we cannot wait.

Many welcome changes have happened in my life because of this pregnancy. The biggest one was quitting smoking, I did it as soon as I found out and was the best thing I could have ever done in my life but also the hardest. I was not smoking much at all to begin with but I missed it so much at first and temptation was strong, but thinking of what it could do to the little one inside me, helped me resist all urges. So today I am proudly free of the demon drug. I want to thank my husband for going through some terrible weeks during my withdrawals (I was an hysterical nervous wreck). Just imagine, pregnant, quitting smoking and Italian! Too much for any man to cope with! But he has and I am very proud of him.

The pregnancy so far has gone great, fingers crossed. I will keep any of you still out there updated about my progress, but I will try and not make this blog only about pregnancy and babies, promise!! Even though that's all I can think about now, I know it can get too much!

Time Out

2007-05-17T20:09:00.000Z

I am back from my very long break. I am sorry about my silence but I have been very busy looking for a new home for us. We had our notice to leave our home by the end of June and I was frantically searching for a new place in time. We have now found a lovely home in Greenwich and we cannot wait to move and start our new life.

Also I must admit I have been thinking about closing my blog, or maybe just taking a break from it. I just don't feel inspired at the moment and I feel that it would deserve much more time that I actually have available. At one point it felt like a chore, like something I have to do rather than something I enjoy. I won't stop though, I will just take a time out for a while and see how I feel.

But please keep checking once in a while, as I might find my inspiration back again!

Thank you for your wonderful support and encouragement in everything I have done and been through, I will always keep reading your blogs my dear lovely bloggers friends!

Home

2007-04-21T18:43:00.000Z

I am listening to my Italian music and travelling back in time. It feels great to just give in to the nostalgia and be transported for one afternoon back to Italy, back to Rome.
I miss the sunshine, I miss the ice creams in the afternoon, the rides on the Vespa on a Sunday on our way to the center.

I miss Rome and its effortless beauty.

I miss the streets with its shops and its fountains and the people laughing and walking around on a summer evening. I miss our river, the Tiber, so slow and beautiful, the red sunset, the romance of it all. The red wine and the pizza, the air, the smell and the atmosphere of a beautiful city.
I remember the afternoons on the Pincio, from where you can see all the roofs of Rome. I remember the mornings skipping school, just hanging out in the streets, with nowhere to go, nothing to do but just exist. Sitting down on a bench just writing my diary.
The Colosseum, at the time a daily sight, now more special than anything. The Angel castle, St Peters, the cobbled streets, the churches, Trastevere, Porta Portese, all routine, now unattainable nostalgic dreams.
Rome, just the name evokes memories so strong they hurt. I was last in Rome in December, the sun was shining, I was driving a car for the first time in the city and everything felt just so right, every corner, every street felt like home. Every person felt like a friend, every building, every monument, every bus or every traffic light, felt so mine.
London is beautiful, but Rome...Rome is just it. There is no possible comparison. The feeling of love towards my city it's like an impossible love.
I cannot live there, it's crazy, the place is too expensive, there are no jobs, it's the most chaotic city on earth, the transport, the dirt, it's just too much. But take away the need to work or rent a place or travel on a deadline, and yes, it's the perfect place.
I don't mean to make it sound horrible, but if you do work there, it can be very stressful. At least it can if you want to be at work on time.
The traffic is outrageous, and the metro is nonexistent, the buses a joke.
But.....when you do go out and just enjoy the city with nowhere to go or nowhere to be, that's when you really take it all in and live it to the maximum. So maybe Rome is an holiday place, and that's what it will always be for me. My home, my holiday.

And that's how I can really love it so much. I doubt I would if I was there every day with the daily frustrations. So, if you are away from home, do give in to the occasional afternoon of nostalgia, but also think that you have changed and that maybe home is what you make, home is where you are growing up now and that home is just in your heart. And wherever you go, you are your home, you are the most important factor. It's not about the places where you were happier, BUT you make the places the happiest. So wherever you are, even far from 'home' just make the best of it, because maybe home is not home anymore.

Happy Birthday Mamma!

2007-04-12T15:59:00.000Z

Just wanted to dedicated a post to my mum, as today is her birthday!

Her name is Barbara and she has been a wonderful mum throughout my 31 years of age and I couldn't have been the person I am now without her guidance, her love, her advice and her strong belief in me.

I couldn't have managed to move to a different country without all that she has taught me and she has been incredibly brave in letting me go even though she knew she would miss me terribly and still does.

I miss you too mum, but the distance has made our relationship even more special.

Happy Birthday Mum! Buon Compleanno Mamma!!
xxxx

My first short story

2007-04-01T11:33:00.000Z

As you might know, I love writing and my dream is to write a book. So a couple of months ago I started writing one, just to try, just to see what would come out.
I quickly realised that maybe I should start with short stories....it just seemed a gigantic task to write a book and I didn't feel ready for it I think. So, I changed genre and format and I ended up writing a thriller story. I wrote it in a week, mainly in the evenings before falling asleep and after a few days I was satisfied with the ending and showed it proudly to my husband. He loved it and proofread it for me, my grammar is not always up to scratch, and I left it at that.

After a few days, I didn't really know what to do with it, I wanted to share it with other people to see what they thought, and I decided to browse the Internet for websites about short stories and came across a short story competition. It was free to enter and so I thought, why not! There wasn't a cash prize, not that I hoped to win anything, but if you got into the top twenty your story would be published in a printed booklet.

So I sent out the story, and after 4 weeks I got an email on Friday from the editor:

'Congratulations! Your story has made it into the top twenty entries this month!'

I was over the moon! I could not believe it, I smiled and smiled until my cheeks were hurting! The booklet will arrive in the post in a couple of days and it doesn't matter that it's probably just a piece of A5 paper strung together, I will still be so happy to see my words printed!! I share this booklet with the other top entries - I can't wait to read their stories!

My story is not published on the website, only printed in the booklet, but if you want to check it out and you are into this genre, you can do so at the following link:

Revenge

I can't wait now to start on my next story!

Hey Mr Deejay

2007-03-23T09:14:00.000Z

I just had the craziest day yesterday. I work in the shopping district in London, what one calls the West End and I often hear about all the designers coming out with their collection in H&M or TopShop or wherever, on such and such day, but I never bother going because I just hate the running around, fighting girls over a certain dress, elbowing each other just to get the latest fashion.

So I never went to those things, but going to work yesterday, I remembered that the Madonna collection was coming out that day at H&M. I walk by that store every day on my way to work, so I thought it can't hurt to have a look inside.
I get there and there is music blaring out of the shop - 'Music' by Madonna, which is one of my favourites, is played by two trendy deejays.
I enter the shop, following the music like in a trance. The collection is downstairs, but I see nobody on the escalator and looking down there are lots of paparazzi, so I wait, unsure of what to do, which must have looked so silly. Then I see a couple of girls taking the plunge, and so I get on the escalator.
As I start looking around the collection I quickly grab some items in my size like if I was possessed, and I especially fall in love with a short leather jacket. Everything is black, white or beige, very elegant, very chic, well, very Madonna I think.
Shoes, bags, sunglasses, belts, dresses, all sorts of everything.

It was 9.30 and I was 30 minutes late for work. But never mind, I had to try the clothes. So, I ended up deciding on the leather jacket, which is to die for and I want to wear it every day for the rest of my life, and a black and white jersey dress.
On my way to the till, I am surprised to spot my lovely colleague S.! We have been working together for 5 years and are very good friends, on the same wavelength so to speak. She sees me at the same time and we start laughing: 'You too here?!!' So we began browsing the racks once more, worried that this could be our last chance before everything is sold out.

Well, I ended up also buying 2 shiny black belts, one skinny, one large and one silk foulard with the Madonna logo.
She got three dresses and also a foulard.

At the till, we told the sales assistant that we were skipping work to be there and she laughed, we felt like 16 years old girls skipping school for a day of shopping!
At the end we arrived at the office at 10am, so not even that late, but we decided to stroll in separately and that I was going to hold the bags, as her client was waiting for her and she did not want him to see she was late because of the shopping. Of course all this was possible because our boss was on holiday.

Today is Friday, I am wearing my new jacket and it's a super super day.

Nostalgic afternoon

2007-03-20T14:47:00.001Z

I have found my favourite cartoon from the '80's! Have a look, it's hilarious. It's a Japanese cartoon dubbed in Italian called Hello Spank. This is the title song. Isn't he cute?

I used to watch a lot of Japanese cartoons when I was a kid, as that's what they showed at the time on telly, it brings back many memories of happy times!

What are your props?

2007-03-17T23:00:00.000Z

I recently read a book about dependency and addictions in general, as I was very interested about the psychology of it all. I have always considered myself to have an addictive personality and so I wanted to explore what it all meant.

I found out many interesting factors but most importantly the book explained that sometimes we substitute one addiction with another. I started wondering what will I substitute my addiction to cigarettes with. I have successfully managed to cut down from 20 a day to 5 a day since one year and half ago, when I turned 30, and at Christmas I will be quitting for good. We will start trying for a baby and so smoking will come to a natural end.

I also wondered about the people around me and what their addictions are and even if they have any. Some people appear to have no addictions or compulsions at all and I can't help but admire them. Take my sister for example, she doesn't drink or smoke, she works a lot, she has one kid, pregnant with her second, she cleans the house every day and cooks like Martha Stewart, she is not too attached to telly or books, even though she enjoys both, she doesn't own a computer, so we can rule out the Internet, she doesn't overspend, but actually is a great saver, so what does she have? Is she superwoman?

I hope to one day become a good mother and a good cook like she is, but I know I will always need props. Props is what the book talked about in terms of addictions. It explained that addictions are like props, props to help us in this life, to make us forget that we don't know why we are here, and that we don't know where we are going once we die. There are healthy props and unhealthy props. I hope to give up the unhealthy ones, but it is a difficult process, to walk unaided, without crutches, because that's what my props are, just crutches to help me walk in this life. Why can I not walk without? I don't know.

My props at the moment are telly, books and cigarettes. One has to go for sure, the other two can stay, as long as they don't become compulsive and take over my life.

Can you walk without crutches and if not, what are your props?

Moving Home and Moving On

2007-03-05T14:19:00.000Z

We are moving! Well, I sound happy, but it was not such a happy news at first. Our landlord called us and told us that he is selling the flat where we currently live, in Shoreditch.

Shoreditch is a lovely area of London which is most famous for his multitude of bars, restaurants and clubs. There is very little green, but lots of trendy bars. It is extremely close to the financial centre of London, the City, so our neighbours are a mix of trendy but poor artists or wealthy stockbrokers. We have always loved the bohemian feel with the art galleries and the mix of different people and the exciting night life, that as a young couple with no kids, we have been experiencing quite often.

We would have stayed here until the big move to Paris, but as we have no other choice, we have to move and we have decided to change area as we are completely fed up with the nightlife and the indulgence of boozy afternoons sitting in the sunshine outside our local pub. We want proper parks and proper family neighboroughood, we want a garden and a barbecue and a supermarket nearby. We want walks by the river and romantic dinners, we want an occasional evening in a no-smoking pub with our friends and their kids, we want to finally be a grown up couple and realise that maybe, finally, the party is over.

And it feels just about the right time. So, after researching and researching, we have settled on Greenwich, a lovely neighboroughood by the river Thames in the South East of London, with a massive beautiful park, a charming market, and a high street with a village-feel. The little fishing and surf shops just add to the charms of this 'wannabe small town', but still with the feeling of a big city.
Here is an example:

The Cutty Sark

Greenwich Park

So the search has begun for the perfect place to rent! So, if you happen to live in Greenwich and want to rent out your house, you have 3 bedrooms and a lovely garden, drop us a line!

Awards Fever

2007-02-22T09:20:00.000Z

The Oscars are happening this Sunday and I cannot wait. Unfortunately over here they will show them Sunday night starting from midnight because of the time difference, so I would have to stay up all night and not go to work the next day, to watch them live....which is something I am very tempted to do.

I hope Martin Scorsese will finally get an Oscar for Best Director, he never won and I think he really deserves to win. What about Best Movie? I have not seen any of the nominated movies so far, but Babel seems quite good, and for me Brad Pitt always helps wanting to watch a movie!

Talking of awards, I don't want to feel left out and so I cheekily ask you to nominate my blog for the BRIT BLOG AWARDS 2007!!!!
Only if you really really think I should be nominated of course....

This is the link you need:
Brit Blog Awards 2007

I don't care about winning, (as that's never likely to happen), but just to be nominated would be a nice accomplishment.

So many thanks for any vote!!

This and That

2007-02-19T14:26:00.000Z

I have been given the all clear on Friday, so I am really happy! I must explain more about it in another post, it was a stressful and crazy time, as we went to Paris to have the specialist visit. Left Friday AM and came back Saturday PM. Now I must rush, my boss should be back any second, thanks for your comments about the blogging!

When & Where do you do it?

2007-02-15T15:13:00.000Z

I do it at work, as soon as I arrive in the office after checking the gossips on Perez Hilton and in between quite periods when my boss has left for meetings!! So, I am always on the look out and worrying about people discovering my daytime activity: BLOGGING!

Yes, sometimes I will also blog at home on a Friday evening at midnight with a glass of wine and my hubby out with his mates or sleeping on the sofa. That is the most fun, as I feel always very inspired with a glass of wine, but sometimes the next day, looking at my drunken post, I realise that maybe drinking and writing, not such a good idea. Not so dangerous as drinking and driving, but likely to be just as shameful.

Now it's Thursday 3pm and my boss is out for a meeting, he is due back at any time. Can I finish this post before he does come back? Hopefully, if not I won't get a chance to finish it until later on today or even Sunday. That's why my frequency of posts is completely random, sometimes 3 in a week, sometimes 1 in every 10 days. It just depends from how much time I have available.

Once I get home, there is no time, one has to do so many other things! What am I going to do when I have kids? When am I going to find the time?? How does my sister do it? She works part time, she has a 1 year old baby, she cooks wonderful dinners, she bakes and she cleans and she manages even to watch Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I barely manage to keep the house clean and keep up with my blogging...

So, when and where do you do it?

On a different note, tomorrow I am going to see a specialist in France, about this, so I hope to be posting good news on Sunday when I am back!

Snowy Big Ben

2007-02-09T11:31:00.000Z

Here is the Big Ben after the snow storm yesterday! Unfortunately today all the snow has turned into ice and nothing is white anymore....just grey and rainy.

Anyway, it is Friday finally and I wish you all a fun and happy weekend.

The Big Freeze

2007-02-07T09:54:00.000Z

Never mind global warming: the big freezing winter has now officially started in London. So there is me wearing a duvet-like coat and not 1 but 2 jumpers, one with a high neck collar, a big scarf and gloves.
Then there are some women and girls that seem to not care about the cold, just so they can go out with no coat. NO COAT! How can you not wear a coat when it's freezing? Another one I saw this morning on the metro had no underwear, yes you could see that as her trousers were very low and you could see the beginning of her bum. How gross....

I don't know what this is all about, but I rather stay warm than look stylish. Fine, I might look like I live in the North Pole when I go out, but I don't care how I look from home to work or from work to home. Don't get me wrong, I would still dress up for going out but I wouldn't go out half naked. We have summers for that!!

Tonight is supposed to snow, which is a big deal in London as it barely ever happens, so I am excited and maybe hope that the transport system breaks down completely so I will be forced to stay home in my pajamas with a hot chocolate and watch telly all day, under a cosy wolly blanket!

Who doesn't love shoes?

2007-02-05T13:55:00.000Z

After last week news I have decided to treat myself - here is what I bought.
Couldn't help myself, new shoes always make me feel better, no matter what.

The most I can wear them for is 2/3 hours and I can't do much walking with them, but they do look gorgeous and make my leg look longer and thinner that it really ever will be. I love them so much, can't think of nothing else!!

Worst Case Scenario

2007-02-03T13:13:00.000Z

I have had bad news this week. I have some anomalies in my cervix and I have to get a colposcopy.
I am very scared that they will find some sort of pre-cancerous cells, but the doctor thinks it could only be an infection. I hope so, but somehow I keep thinking of the worst case scenario: cancer, chemotherapy, removal of everything, no babies ever never.

I know it's a drastic scenario, about 0.5% likely to happen because my test doesn't show pre-cancerous cells, just unknown anomalies, and I am so young and even if I had pre-cancerous cells, they can be removed by laser. So, why do I always think the worst? Maybe it's a defense mechanism of the brain, that if you are prepared for the worst, nothing can faze you and no matter what you have, you'll be happier that if you hoped for the best.
I think this has also to do with my deep desire to have a baby and my unfounded fear that I might not be able to. I don't know where it comes from but the thought just terrifies me and now it feels like my worst nightmare could become real.

My dad says that it's probably nothing and positive thoughts go a long way towards a good outcome. He knows as he was given 6 months life expectancy with his inoperable cancer and 6 years later he is with us very much alive with a dormant cancer in his body. Against all odds he is fine and hopefully will be fine for a very long time to come and be a grandfather to my kids.

What helped him were his unwavering strong beliefs and positive thoughts, his humorous and funny outtake on everything. He went through tough times but he has managed to look at the bigger picture and not only he is fine but this experience has changed him into a better person.

I can only hope I have inherited his strength in dealing with what life throws at you.

Tv Love

2007-01-31T14:42:00.000Z

I love watching US sitcoms and dramas and will not miss an episode of my favourite tv programs. You will probably think I don’t have a social life.
I think I do...with my special tv friends……not really, only joking, I would not stop myself from going out because of something on tv, I would just record it on my Sky+ (like Tivo) and then watch it all on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. We are quite behind in the UK in terms of schedule compared to the US, so please don’t spoil any endings for me!!!

This is my schedule:

Mondays: America’s Next Top Model
Tuesdays: The OC
Wednesdays: Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives,
Thursdays: ER, Grey’s Anatomy
Fridays: Jericho
Saturdays: The Amazing Race
Sundays: So You Think You Can Dance

And any free time can be also devoted to The King Of Queens, Two and Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, Laguna Beach, etc, etc.....

My lovely friend Tinsie is trying to convince me to also watch Battlestar Galactica, but she must now see from the above schedule, that I just do not have any more space in my life or in my Sky+ hard drive for one more series :). Even though she does say it's brilliant!

This is one addiction I don't want to be cured from. I know it's escapism, but it is sweet sweet escapism. And I also read a lot and write this blog, as you know, so I am not just brain dead in front of tv every day, ....well maybe every other day!

Health kick

2007-01-25T17:16:00.000Z

I have started this year with the resolution to eat more healthily as my doctor AND my dentist both said I should give up eating so much sugar. I just love and crave sugar so much that it has been quite hard. I took this chance to improve my overall eating habits as it has been quite long overdue.

So my plan so far has been:

Minerals: Zinc (for energy boost) and Magnesium (not sure for what but I read somewhere it's good for me)
Fruits and Veg: I try to have 5 portions a day, sometimes I only manage 3 or 4
Tea/Coffee: never liked coffee, so that was not hard to give up. I subsituted my twice a day cups of Earl Grey tea with herbal tea, peppermint usually.
And instead of the customary FOUR spoons of sugar, I have cut down to two.

I am also eating this probiotic yogurts and try not to eat crisps, and instead I eat nuts. Which is not as bad.

All this seems to be working in terms of energy levels as I have always felt so bummed and tired all of the time. What I really really miss though is cakes, lovely sweet cakes....

Also I am going to try and going to my gym, I am paying a monthly fee membership that expires in May, and I feel so bad that I am not going and wasting my money but, after a hard day at work who wants to start running on a stupid machine???
Speaking of exercise, I was buying a birthday card for a friend the other day and I read this very funny card that said:
If God meant for women to exercise, He would have put diamonds on the floor....

That's funny and...exactly how I feel!

Relocation Relocation

2007-01-25T10:47:00.000Z

We love Paris so much that we decided to move there and start a family!! This is something we decided around NYE when we were there for the fourth time together. What we felt time and time again towards this beautiful place was too strong to ignore.
Of course we are not naive or stupid and we know that relocating to a different country is very hard - after all I have done it once and my husband has done it twice (we are the experts!). He moved from Germany to Paris, where he lived there for two years, and from Paris to London. I have moved straight from Italy to London.
So we know, it's not all roses.

But listen to our reasons:

-Wonderful Weather: proper winters, but also real summers
-Lovely Food: great bread, tasty cheese, meat and fish, veg and fruit and the best pastries and cakes in the world
-Schools: their system is closer to the Italian education system, as in state schools can be better than private ones
-Beauty: well you cannot argue with this, Paris is indeed beautiful
-Language: love French, and did study it back in school for 3 years - hubby knows it perfectly (lucky him)
-Location: closer to our families in Italy and Germany - and also two hours by train to London
-Jobs: my husband will spend 3 days a week in London for his job and the rest of the time he will be in Paris. I will be with little baby (hopefully) and will go to veg and fruit markets and cook lovely meals and go to museums and explore Paris and write a book (ok, I am daydreaming now.....:)
-Art: with all the museums and churches, I am sure we'll never be bored of being tourists in the city.
-Cinema: we love French movies, always did and always will

More than all of the above, I felt a feeling in Paris that I only ever felt in Rome, and a feeling that after 10 years I have never felt in London.
A feeling that I belong. And that is worth more than anything to me. My husband feels at home wherever he is, but I just don't. I feel very attached to my italian roots and always missed my country and Paris is closest to Rome I could ever get.The only thing I need to work hard for is to get my French back in gear....not easy I know, but I am motivated.

Also another aspect I have considered regards children: I always felt sad that my children would grow up so different from me in the UK from the way I grew up in Rome. In France they would have a very similar childhood to mine, language aside, and I will feel closer to them that if they would grow up in London.

Lastly, I have a cousin that lives in Paris, whith her kids and her French hubby. We are not extremely close, but only because we never had a chance, as she is lovely and I am sure that she can help me feel less isolated during the first few months in the city. I feel a bit like Carrie in the last 2 episodes of Sex & The City when she moves to Paris....but then she hates it, so I hope it will work out better for me!!

What do you all think, is this a crazy idea?

My Dad the painter

2007-01-18T13:21:00.000Z

Three years ago my dear Dad has become a painter! I am not sure how the idea came about but one day he just started painting on potato sacks stretched over wooden frames and using not acrylics or oils but any sort of colour substance he could put his hands on. From his first attempts to the latest ones, he has progressed immensely and has used better colours, but still paints on potato sacks!

I am the least creative person in the world, so I was bowled over by this creativity of his and hope that some of it might have passed on to me also! All his life he has been a very hard worker with a truck company and drove his truck for many years all over Italy and Europe, also sometimes touring with the theatre and bands/musicians. But before all of that he was always very good in building furniture and restoring antiques, so in a way I am not surprised he has come back to his first love, which is being creative and expressing himself through art or simple labour.

Over Christmas I have helped him to create his on webpage at the Saatchi Gallery, to help him showcase his art.

Here below are some of his paintings:

I am very very proud of him and I hope I can help him to achieve his dreams as he has helped me as a young girl!

Road Trip

2007-01-15T18:50:00.000Z

Sorry for the long absence, but I had no internet at work. Today is the first day I was actually able to use it after a few minutes last week. Enough to check a couple of blogs and my emails!
It has been frustrating to say the least and made me realize how much I cannot live without it anymore.

Our road trip was fantastic and made us want to take more and more trips in the future. Also the time with my family was great and I enjoyed spending time with my little nephew Roberto.

Here are some photos of our trip

Civitavecchia, port of Rome

Anguillara and the lake of Bracciano, Rome

Bracciano castle

Rome

Follonica, Tuscany

Aosta, Valle D'Aosta, on the border with France

Nantua, France

Nemours, France

Notre Dame, Paris

Tour Eiffel, Paris

That's it! This was our journey which ended with NYE in Paris. The next day we drove to Calais and took a ferry for Dover, England. Of course I had forgotten my passport back at the hotel in Paris, 3 hours drive away, but the lovely lady at the port let me travel anyway, just with my driving licence for identification.
I must have looked desperate!!

Driving to Rome

2006-12-14T15:41:00.000Z

Taking a break from writing about my past, I am getting ready for the Xmas road trip we will take in a few days. We will travel from London to Marseille, driving through all of France and then we will get on a ferry straight to Rome. It will be 14 hours on the ferry! Practically a lifetime.
But it will be by night, 6pm to 9.30am, so not too bad, as I will be sleeping 10 hours of those.
Then it will be 5 days in Rome with my family, or more correctly in Bracciano. My family actually lives in Bracciano where Tom Cruise got married, they moved there 10 years ago when I left Italy for London. We knew the place was beautiful much earlier than he ever knew it existed!

On the way back, we are not taking the ferry, but we will have to drive all the way from Rome to London. 1600 kilometers! Of course we have quite a few days and will be stopping by night in b&b along the way. We are hoping to reach Paris by New Year's Eve, and spend it there celebrating 2007. Back in London by the 2nd and back to work by the 3rd!

It will be quite an adventure to drive there and back, but of course also quite tiring. I will take pictures of France and Italy and try to post them here!

Also, this here below is the car we will be travelling with - so it will be great fun! We just bought it in September, it's from 1997, but still in perfect shape and a fantastic drive, if somewhat daunting for me as a new driver. I have been practicing ever since we got it and I am getting better and better.

We hope to be back all in one piece!

The night when the police came to my house...

2006-12-09T22:13:00.000Z

During my search for the ONE, I ended up in a relationship with a tattooist.
The story with him was complicated to say the least.

He was a crazy guy, but I was in love with him. We were together a few months before I realised our relationship would never go anywhere. He was a complete flirt, and never cared for me too much I guess. He was too much in love with his Jack Daniel. So I started to detach myself but couldn't bring myself to leave him, so ultimately the relationship ended thanks to him.

He was a violent drunk and I was happy to be rid of him. I just wish I put a stop to it myself. As it turned out, he left me one night when I discovered he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. I was quite relieved to tell the truth, they deserved each other, but still very hurt.

A week after, he called me at 3am on a Thursday night, completely drunk, saying that he wanted to see me. I said no way, but he said he was coming over anyway. There was nothing I could do to stop him and I knew he meant it and that he would come over. When I heard him knocking and kicking at my door over and over again, my stomach tensed so much, I was sick with worry. I was afraid he would wake up my flatmates, so I let him in. BIG MISTAKE.

He was very drunk and emotional and kept saying that he wanted to start again with me. I played it cleverly and did not reject him, but I pleaded with him to just sleep on the sofa and that we would talk about it the next day. Was he going to shut up and sleep? Of course not. He kept going on and on about all sorts of nonsense, until I got very upset and asked him to leave.
At that point he lost it and grabbed me from behind to choke me. I knew he didn't want to strangle me, just to scare me, but I had enough of it and wriggled free of him and dialled 999 (in the UK it's not 911). Just before the police answered I hunged up. I do not know why, I just did not want to create trouble for him. Even though I certainly did not love him anymore, I unfortunately still had feelings for him. Having understood what I was trying to do, he grabbed my hair so hard, a big chunk of it came out in his hand and I fought back and pushed him hard - the pain was so much in my head, it was like he took the scalp off. At that point the phone rang.

I never knew at the time that the police would trace your call and call you back if you hang up. So they did, and thank God they did, and when I picked up the phone I was in tears and desperate, so I gave them my address. Things quietened down then, so I asked him to leave before the police arrived. I did not want him to go to prison, I just wanted him gone. Maybe wrong, but that was what I felt at the time.

He would not leave, he said 'bring it on'. In the meantime of course my flatmates woke up and came to my aid while we were waiting for the police to arrive.
When they got there, he resisted to go but at the end he went with them. I said I did not want to press charges, I just wanted him out of my house and out of my life forever.

The last I saw of him, he was entering the police van. That was 7 years ago.

Crazy Extravagances

2006-11-30T23:20:00.000Z

Continuing from My Story in London so far...Part 2

While I was looking for an office job I was trying to enjoy my single status for once in my life and with money in the bank I felt I had the world at my feet. I started going out every night and meeting lots of new people and new guys. I spent and spent my money on drinks and taxis. Oh, was I generous, I was the most generous person on the planet. Christmas came and I gave to all my friends and family the most expensive gifts. Expensive meals and hotels followed, clothes and shoes, cd's and everything imaginable. I was two months without working and enjoyed everything that life had to offer. The best memory of my time then, was a surprise weekend trip to Italy to see my mum. Just the joy in her face when she opened the door and saw me was worth all the money in the world.
Also good, I must admit, was the feeling of being powerful and to walk in a five star hotel in Kensington and just be a queen for a night. And did I tip? I tipped like there was no tomorrow. Money meant nothing to me, ironically.
Change in my pocket would just fly into waiters and chambermaids hands.
There was no stopping me.

But of course there was. And what did stop me was my empty bank account. It was a ride, the most exciting ride of my life and it ended like every ride, hard and bumpy.
The end was like crashing back to earth after a journey to the moon.

I badly adjusted to having no money and soon I had three credit cards to just keep up with what I got used to so fast.
I got a job in the midst of all this, a good job, badly paid, but a good job. In a very prestigious university in London as an admin assistant in the psychology dept, which for me, was a very good job after waitressing and bartending.
The pay was crap and the credit cards made up for the things I was suddenly missing in life, but soon the credit meant paying for my travel to work.

Life went on and I ended up with 8 thousand dollars debts. Hardly what anybody wishes for at 23 years old. I had nobody to blame, just my stupidity. I wasted all my money and now I deserved every debt I had, because I did not know how to stop. I tried to fill my empty soul with things. And that just did not work. I realized far too late.

My complete denial about everything at the time also affected my romantic life and my conquests were just fun and games. Another notch on the bed. I wanted to prove to the world that I didn't need anybody or need anything that I could not provide myself. After so many years with my ex-boyfriend and time in bed with my injury needing everything and everybody, I thought that now was MY time.
What I didn't realize at the time, was that what I needed more than any shoes or clothes, was love. And all the times I walked in a bar and looked around for my next conquest, even though I felt in control and the most desirable and beautiful person in the room, inside I was just a lonely and scared and insecure little girl in search of her one true love.

Next...the search for the ONE

Shattering my life

2006-11-10T16:31:00.000Z

Thanks to Anon1 ;), I am taking the chance to talk briefly about my accident in 1995 when I broke my leg and received a sum of money from the insurance.
This was an event that destroyed my life as I knew it then, but thankfully not forever, just for a year. An event that made me lose my job, my boyfriend, my independence, my apartment, everything I loved and worked hard for.
This is the story of how I lost a year of my life for something I thought would only take a few weeks and a white cast that all my friends would sign.

My boyfriend at the time (the same one I went to London with) was driving us in my bike in Rome when a car coming from the left hit me,just my leg, shattering every single bone in many pieces. The hit was so hard and my shock was so much that I didn't know what had happened. The lady that hit me, got out of her car and tried to make me walk and put me in her car to take me to the hospital, but I couldn't move, I was so scared to even look down at my leg for fear of what I would see. The pain was not immediate, the shock stops it at first. My boyfriend was unharmed and white as a sheet, I don't think he said a word, he was also in complete shock.

The ambulance came and took me to hospital where they cut off my jeans and my boots and I saw blood, lots of it. The pain was now unbearable, but I still thought that they would let me go after they put a cast on me. I didn't realise that this was not a simple fracture, I didn't realise that I would spent the next 20 days in hospital, I didn't realise that I would get used to operations and anesthesia and nurses and doctors and that maybe I would always limp.

After a 4 hours operation the doctors were able to put it all back together and they advised me that there had been a chance that I would not have walked perfectly again, but the operation went very well. My life then was the hospital and the highlight of the day was the morning visit from the doctors when it was time for their rounds. Life was boring, painful, scary, I felt trapped, I kept asking 'why me?', I missed my real life so much. The first feelings are of disbelief, then anger, then depression. After a while in the hospital though, I felt like a spoiled kid for even complaining so much, as all I had was a broken leg, a complicated one, but still only a broken leg. I opened my eyes to everybody around me and it made me realise that I was actually very lucky.

Before the accident I was living with my boyfriend but then, as I needed 24 hours day and night care, I had to go back to live with my parents. I could not move from my bed for up to three months and my mum had to do everything for me. I hated being dependent so much from everybody, I felt hopeless, couldn't take a shower or do anything at all, my mum had to wash me and do everything for me. I spent nights awake from the pain and days asleep, I spent hours reading and reading and living in my own world. I made a promise to myself then, to remember always how precious things that we take for granted really are.

My parents lived 2 hours away from where I used to stay with my boyfriend in Rome, so I went from living with him, to seeing him once a week for a few hours. This crashed me more than anything, I loved him and I felt him slipping away slowly, I felt I was the outsider in his life, I felt I was not part of it anymore.

After recovering for a few months and a couple of operations to get some rods out of my leg, I was well enough to limp with crutches and I decided to move back into my flat with my boyfriend. But my flat wasn't my flat anymore. He couldn't afford it anymore on his own, so he moved out and moved to a smaller one. I didn't even have a chance to move, everything was moved for me. After a month at the new flat with him, he left me. He said he didn't love me anymore. I suppose I should have thanked him for waiting until I was well enough....
I felt like my world crashed down once more.

I moved back to my parents feeling pretty low. Before the accident I had a job, a flat, a boyfriend, now I had nothing. I guess as I got the money from the insurance, I felt I really needed it and deserved it and I regret now that I spent it all, but somehow that was what I needed to do.
After a month at home, I ended up getting back with my boyfriend, stupid move, and then after a few months we moved to London together, as you know. I still had not touched my money though, that would start in London after splitting for the last time, see My story in London so far...part 2.
I could have got more money if I took the insurance company to court, but decided not to, I didn't care. The amount I got was 14 thousand dollars. Not an incredible amount of money, but not bad either, I could have bought a nice car or any number of things, but I was 20 and didn't know any better and I preferred spending it bit by bit, day by day, until it was all gone.

My story in London so far....Part 2

2006-11-08T10:46:00.000Z

We were nearly 4 years together and the way we left each other was horrible. First I left him by telling him that I was not sure about my feelings for him anymore. He took it ok, which meant he must have felt the same, but never told me, decided instead to cheat…but I didn’t know that at the time. We got back together after a couple of weeks, mainly because I was missing him like crazy, but I wasn’t sure whether I missed him or the idea of him. He cheated on me, than I did, then we split up again and then got back together the last time before he just never came home one night.

We just had rented a new flat and he left me with all the rent to pay, couldn’t get out of the contract, but couldn’t get a flatmate to share the rent with me as there was only one bedroom. So it was a nightmare scenario. When he finally got in touch, he said that he was back with the girl he was cheating on me with before.
It was the toughest period of my life and I suddenly felt so low and lonely. It was then that I started going out all the time and be single for the first time in a long time. I just couldn’t face being at home alone.

During this period I also went through some money that I received after an accident where I broke my leg in Rome. It was enough for a deposit for a home and I didn’t touch it for a while, but then suddenly single, I didn’t care about any stupid home, I was only 21, and so went about spending it all, day after day, month after month, hoping to fill my life and my heart with things….

In the meantime I was still working in a bar, but I decided then to take a chance and started going for interviews for an office job. I wanted to improve my life and I knew that working in a bar wasn't going to make me happy forever. I didn't have the time to dedicate to my job search with all the hours at the bar, so I quit. I quit without another job lined up; people called me crazy, but I knew that if I didn't do that, I would have never got out.
So for two months I frantically searched for something better and got myself into debt in the process, after having finished all my money. For two months I was broke and had to get credit cards just to pay my metro ticket, but finally I got a job as admin assistant in a London university. When I got my first paycheck I was ecstatic. It was ridiculous money, even less that I was making in a bar, but it felt really good after all the hard work.

My ex-boyfriend never supported this move, and never believed I could make it in any other job in England other than bars and restaurants, so this made me even more proud of myself. And good riddance of him!

Next time…. Crazy extravagances and debts spiralling out of control

My story in London so far....

2006-11-03T23:42:00.000Z

I have now been living in London for ten years and there many things I love and hate about the place. Yesterday I met a lovely girl from New York, here in London to study and I spoke to her about my love for the Big Apple.
It made me realise though that I am actually living in a similar place and that many people actually dream about moving to London. I never dreamt about it, it just happened and it was very exciting coming into a new world at 21, a world I knew nothing about, with a language I barely spoke, a new life starting, new experiences, and waiting for you just the unknown. Can be scary, but still exciting.
When I first arrived I hated that I couldn't understand much and I started working in italian restaurants as a waitress. Surrounded by italians, it wasn't very hard, but still alienating and lonely.
The only job I had in Italy before I came was sales assistant in a shoe shop, so I didn't really have anything going on for me, going to college wasn't something I was particularly interested at the time, not the way they had it in Italy. You study for 7 years at least, you live with your parents as you can't afford your own place, and by the time you graduate you are in your late twenties with no job prospects at all, even though you have a degree. That's why I chose to leave. There was nothing that Rome could offer to me at the time. London was a pool of opportunities and a new life.

I didn't come alone, I came with my ex-boyfriend and we ended up separating after a few months here. London does that to you, it changes everything, or maybe we weren't strong enough. We were so young and London was full of things we wanted to explore without each other I suppose.

...to be continued (sorry had to stop writing - my boss has come in!)

Love to read

2006-10-30T14:02:00.000Z

I love writing, but I do love reading even more. I read on average a book every four-five days. I give myself a couple of days break usually! My passion came from my mother - she is an avid reader and I grew up surrounded by shelves full of books of any kind.
From Danielle Steel to Wilbur Smith, from Shakespeare to Herman Hesse, from Ernest Hemingway to Erica Jung, from Erich Fromm to Stephen King, I had the pick of the best and the worst! I had romance and thrillers, I had philosophy and serious literature, psychology and history and I embraced them all.
All these books shaped and influenced me at a very young age and helped me become who I am today. Many things I have learned from the pages, many different dreamscapes anf worlds I inhabited, many journeys through the fantasies conjured from the hundred different stories. Every time a book ended, a small part of me also ended and disappointment was small or big, depending on how much I loved the book in question.
At 19 I broke my leg in a scooter accident and I had to stay six months in bed, back at my parent's place. Every day I was completely immersed in reading and read about 1 book per day. When you are in bed every day, immobile, without being able to even get up for anything, and I mean anything, all I could do was read.
Of course my mum's books were long ago read, so every visitor kept bringing me new or second hand books! I read anything and everything, just to take my mind off the situation I was in.
As time went on, reading became more and more my love and passion, but after moving to London, I decided to start reading in English instead of my own language, Italian. At first it was hard, even though my English was ok grammatically, it was lacking a lot of vocabulary. I started with I was hoping were easy books, something not too challenging, and so I chose Dean Koontz. I am not saying it is a completely easy read, but it's not exactly academic. I didn't get much at first, but slowly understood more and more. And I got hooked - he is so great and to this day, I still read all his new books. After him, I loved Patricia Cornwell, and I am still following all of her Dr Scarpetta series. The others I love from this genre are: Jonathan Kellerman (and his wife Faye), Michael Connelly, and Jeffery Deaver. Other authors I love are from different genres like Milan Kundera, Noam Chomski, Joanne Harris and also many Italian authors. The result is that my flat is full of books, full of shelves and every new book goes into a pile next to my bed!
I have run out many times of space and I really don't know where to put them anymore. I have started borrowing them from the library, so that I could also save some money, not only space!! Now I only buy new books when I go away travelling; the smell of new books is wonderful and browsing in a bookshop is the most relaxing past time for me.

So reading for me is a pleasure and very entertaining, but also sometimes can be anti-social and selfish, as nobody else can join in. I feel I shut people off a lot when I am reading, I hate being interrupted and so ignore everybody around me. I must then ''read with moderation''. There was a time when I was constantly reading and at that point I had to stop for a while and have a break, before this would have become an obsession. Now, I feel I have a more healthy relationship with books. I don't stay awake half the night like I used to, because I couldn't put a book down. I don't read every second I have free, and even on holiday I stopped reading on the beach for hours and missing life. So, I think that as long as I take it easy and limit my 'selfish pleasure', I should be okay!
I thank my mum for introducing me to this wonderful word of words, and I will certainly pass it on to my children one day, but I will also teach them to enjoy life outside of the dream world of books and not miss out anything else that life has to offer!

To Have or Not to Have: Kids Anyone?

2006-10-20T16:19:00.000Z

Dilemma of a career couple

There is no escaping the question: whether you want to have kids or not, and if you do, when will you have them? It is a question mainly women ask themselves and some men as well, or maybe most of them think, how long can I go avoiding the issue?

But sooner or later it comes back, as your friends start having kids. Once you marry everybody starts asking you about them – from your mother to your friends, from the co-worker to the neighbour.
Your life is perfect, you have a wonderful career, that special someone, you are having great fun, drinking and going out with your friends, weekends away, travelling, money for yourself, maybe for the first time you feel you know who you are and what you are doing, no care in the world.
Your job brings you satisfaction, or if not that, at least some money. Money for shoes, cars, clothes, travel, you have paid your student's debts and now you are just enjoying spending every last penny you earn. And why not, you work hard for it.
Then you wake up one day and your wife or husband says: Hey, what about kids, should we at least start to think about it?

We all have our reservations, whether you are a woman or a man, you both may have a good career that you don’t want to give up. More than the career, you don’t want to give up the freedom and the fun, the carefree days and also the money.

But I think that a day comes when the money, the freedom, it is just not enough. All the self-indulgence starts to bother you and all the going out and the fun start to feel hollow and shallow. And then you start wondering, is there more to life than this?

Losing my mind

2006-10-09T13:12:00.000Z

Well, I am lucky again, third time lucky to be exact. Let me explain...for the third time I have lost my wallet (purse in U.S. I think) and someone has found it and given it back to me. If I lived in a small town where everybody knew me...but I live in London!

The first time was in May 06 - I left it at an off licence shop not too far from my home, I was buying a bottle of wine for a party we were going to and I left the wallet on the counter.
The next evening the clerk of the shop knocked on our door and gave me my wallet back! It was lucky that I had my home address on the provisional driving licence in my wallet, otherwise he wouldn't have known where I lived.

The second time I lost it was back in July, in a club while paying for my drinks and again I left it at the counter. I realised after 10 minutes and ran to the bar and asked the barman if he had found a wallet, and after looking and asking around, they had found it in the manager's office where someone had put it for safekeeping.

The third time was last week. After a party we were heading to a bar near my area and after looking inside, we actually decided to head home by taxi instead of having another drink. Needless to say, when I got home I found that I had no wallet, immediately cancelled my cards and went to sleep. Today, after losing hope that somebody might have found my wallet, a phone call came at work! It was a clerk at my gym, somebody called her from this bar saying that they have found my wallet and the only way they could think of reaching me was by calling my gym and get them to call me. So this evening I will be on my way to this bar to pick it up!

I am thinking two solutions to this constant losing my wallet:
1) I don't go out to a bar ever again
2) I stop carrying my wallet anywhere with me

Seriously, why do I always keep losing it? It happens when I am busy - drinking - distracted - in a rush - nervous, it seems like I am losing my mind most times!

Meeting Mr or Mrs Right in London

2006-10-04T15:43:00.000Z

Here we go, my first unpublished article...I should probably stick to blogs!

The evening is about to end, the club is about to shut, you are alone, with your friends, but alone, no ‘conquest’, another lonely night and weekend ahead of you – you are desperate for some affection some contact but you want more than a night of lust. You despair, you panic, but all you meet are the ones out for a one night stand, sex with no string attached, that’s all that some guys want and that’s all that some girls want (sometimes).
The place is full with available people, attractive people, and people that you wouldn’t even share a coffee with, people that you wouldn’t speak to in a million years, but the club is about to close and you are desperate…. It’s a lottery and you gamble and then you wake up on a Saturday morning, in a stranger’s bed, trying to work out where are your shoes, your purse, the nearest station, and even in which part of town you are in.
This is a likely scenario for many of us Londoners lost in a city of lonely souls, in a city of millions of lonely people. Everywhere you see couples, but you wonder how did they meet in such a city, a city where you don’t even know your neighbour’s name.

Meeting the right person is hard everywhere in the world, but especially in London where everybody has such high expectations, such high standards. They have everything - money, careers, friends, but they are missing that special someone, that special person to wake up with on a Sunday morning and with whom they can read the papers in bed. That special connection that you can only have with somebody that gets you – and not everybody gets you, we all know that.

The secret of meeting Mr or Mrs Right in London is to simply stop looking. I know it might sound like a cliché, but it is so true. The minute you start having a full life, and not worrying about whether you will meet that special someone, that’s when you will meet them. The minute you put yourself out there and be who you really are and be confident about yourself, that’s when you’ll hit the jackpot. The way you do it is to feel good about yourself, and that way you do that is to stop caring about whether you are good enough to be loved by anybody, and start loving yourself with all your limitations and insecurities. Someone will love you especially for your insecurities and your weaknesses because they are part of you and they make you who you are, a unique special person. And they make the other person feel that you’ll then accept their weaknesses too, which would really make you quite a catch!

So don’t ever hide them, be yourself and trust always your instinct, even if it goes against everything you have ever believed in. Even if it makes you do things that you’d never do, abandon yourself, forget your shyness, your inhibitions and your worries, and always always know that somewhere out there, there is somebody for you, somebody for everybody. In London especially, or anywhere really, you must believe in yourself and believe that anyone would be lucky to have a person like you, a person so endearing, that anyone would be crazy not to go for.

Where to meet? Anywhere, just smile, look at people in the eyes, be genuine, not too forward but not too shy, that’s the formula. All you have to do is to be fulfilled and have lots of passions and interests and soon you’ll meet somebody that will share those passions with you...or at least you’ll have something to talk about when a cute guy or girl happens to be in your circle of friends.
Of course this all sounds so obvious, but it is not easy to accept yourself fully, I still don't myself, but if you don’t accept yourself, then who would? In terms of my Mr Right, I met him in a bar, of all places, and never I would have thought this would turn out to be the best decision I made to go out that night, that night when I wasn’t looking for anybody, for the first time, that night when meeting someone was further from my mind than ever before.
It started like a bit of fun, but ended up being a marriage, so never assume anything about any situation, because you never know how it’s going to turn out, and that’s the beauty of life, the unknown, the surprise. I hear incredible stories about people that met in a supermarket or on a train, or at a traffic light, just be open to anything at anytime and you will not be disappointed. Ok, you might get disappointed a few times, or many times like I was, but I believe that in the meantime, until you do find someone special, you’d would at least had great fun trying...

Back from France

2006-10-04T15:18:00.000Z

Hello, I am back from France! We went to Bolougne-Sur-Mer and Le Touquet and it was beautiful...here is a photo of the beach at Le Touquet:

We actually took the train under the Channel and it was a crazy experience to be shut in a car on a train travelling under the sea! A bit suffocating if I must admit...

Once we were back in London on Saturday night, I drove our car (we just bought it secondhand two weeks ago) for a bit in the center of the city at 10.30 at night, tired from the journey and I made a mess of it. I have only had my licence a little while, as you might know from this post: on top of the world, and this is the third time I have driven our new car, and I should not have done so being late and tired and dark and so on. I was all over the place and making mistakes after mistakes. Nothing happened, but I was disappointed that I wasn't driving very well at all and that I was so nervous. Also I need to get used to the car, it's a sportscar, too powerful and scary, while I learned in a Ford Fiesta, small and practical.

Anyway, I am posting my article right after this, later on today.

Ferry Trip

2006-09-29T16:24:00.000Z

We are off to Calais, France - we are taking the ferry tonight from Dover and we'll spend a day or two in Calais.
When I come back I will post my MR & MRS RIGHT article!!

Have a nice weekend everybody!

Writing

2006-09-27T08:16:00.000Z

Not sure what to write about lately, I am having a very 'dry spell'. Lots of things happened I suppose, that I could write about, but when I start a new post, nothing comes out. When I do manage to get a few sentences, they are boring and pointless.
So, here I am, starting from zero, trying to get back into my writing and blogging. I am happy though that blogger has resolved the issue with the comments and I can now happily comment away.
The reason that I haven't been writing is that I applied to write for an online magazine and did not succeed very well. The editor was really lovely, she gave me praise, but also criticism. The criticism was correct and spot on. She suggested some things, to try and change the articles I wrote into something more journalistic, but I think I am just not capable of that. I am not even sure I like to write in such a way. I am not a journalist, I wouldn't like it, I prefer plain old writing, I can't add quotes or such journalistic things, I rather talk about my own experiences.
I have kept the articles and maybe I should publish them in my blog and see what the others think. I was naive though to think that I could get published so easily. I have no training, just a passion. It seems to me that I am more of a writer than a feature journalist. Or maybe I am just a blogger and should concentrate on doing my day job....

The articles are two:
''Meeting Mr or Mrs Right in London''
''Kids anyone? Dilemma of a career couple''

Which one should I put on the blog? Which one would you most like to read? From now on you will be my editor!!!

Comments

2006-09-14T12:14:00.001Z

I have changed my blog from blogger to beta because it gives you more editing freedom or whatever, but now I can't leave comments on some of your blogs! On some I can write as ''other'' which means they don't put my photo, on some I can't post at all, unless I want to post as anynomous!
So please don't think I am not reading, 'cause I am, they just are not allowing me to comment. And what's bad too is that some bloggers are not able to leave me comments either!!
It's so unfair, but Blogger & Beta Blogger have promised to do some changes urgently, as I am not the only to complain. Let's hope this will soon improve, but rest assured I am still reading you all!

Remembering 9/11

2006-09-11T08:08:00.000Z

New York Photos

2006-08-23T16:13:00.000Z

Just a few photos of my trip in New York last February.
It was the best time ever, loved NY so much, cannot wait to go back as soon as possible.

Here is the first one with a view of New Jersey

Fog above 5th Avenue

View from the Brooklyn Bridge

Grand Central Station

Inspiration

2006-08-22T14:07:00.000Z

Don't have a clue what to write today - I am bored, utterly bored, sitting at my desk, surfing the internet all day (my boss is on holiday). I know I should do some work, but there isn't much to do and that little there is, I just can't be bothered to do it. All year I long for August so that I can relax at work and not do anything, but every year I then get so incredibly bored that I end up working anyway.

3 hours 1/2 to go until I get out of this dark horrible basement where I work (it's a furniture showroom) - the walls are painted a horrible shade of green/gray, my desk is blindingly white and the spotlight above is cooking my brain on a daily basis - the rest of the place has hardly any lights - they call it ''ambience''. They don't care that people actually work here - all they care is how the place looks.. Well the place looks sh*t. It's depressing and makes me feel sleepy. Plus it's just me and the boss down here - you can hear me breathing, that's how silent this place is. You can hear me munching my lunch at my desk (yes there is a kitchen where one could eat, as long as one doesn't mind eating while standing) - I hate it. The others are upstairs and they hate it too, but for different reasons. And it's freezing in the winter, even with the heating at full blast.

You must think I am mad to stay here - but hear me out..the place is horrible, but the people I work with are really nice, and even my boss is ok after all. The pay is really good for what I do - I am admired and respected by everybody, clients and colleagues, and I have lots of freedom. I come in late twice - three times a week, nobody says anything, and I have 26 vacations days, which is pretty good by any standard. It sounds like I don't do any work, but I actually work really hard and that's why I get to do what I want and I get respect and admiration. I feel I should actually say I USED to work really hard, as I must admit that the past few months I haven't cared at all, at least not as much as I used to for 5 long years. I keep doing the minimum necessary and hope I get away with it..

I feel like I am still relying on that respect gained earlier in the years, to excuse any mistake that happens and lately my mistakes are happening a lot more.
People excuse me because they know how good I am and everything, but it ain't going to last forever!

It sounds horrible, I know, and that is just not me, I have a very strong work ethic and I usually always loved working hard, so I really don't know what is going on with me. Then sometimes the guilt gets the better of me and I work hard for a few days, but then the low comes back again, and so it goes up and down, highs and lows. I wonder if it is the job or just me? Maybe I am unconsciously sabotaging this job?

AHHHHH! I think I need another job or another me!

A Start....

2006-08-17T09:23:00.000Z

Ever since I was 15 and I discovered Leo Buscaglia, I have been reading and re-reading his books to try and learn to live by his words. Every time I read his words, I know that’s exactly how I should live and think. Not that I can’t think for myself, but I admire so much his thinking and agree with pretty much everything he says. You can be the judge of this. Here is a little something he wrote a few years back:

A Start by Leo Buscaglia

Each day, I promise myself not to try to solve all my life problems at once -- nor shall I expect you to do so;

Starting each day, I shall try to learn something new about me and about you and about the world I live in, so that I may continue to experience all things as if they had been newly born;

Starting each day, I shall remember to communicate my joy as well as my despair, so that we can know each other better;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself to really listen to you and to try to hear your point of view and to discover the least-threatening way of giving you mine, remembering that we are both growing and changing in a hundred different ways;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself that I am a human being and not demand perfection of you until I am perfect, so you're safe;

Starting each day, I shall try to be more aware of the beautiful things in our world -- I'll look at the flowers, I'll look at the birds, I'll look at the children, I'll feel the cool breezes, I'll eat good food -- and I'll share these things with you;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself to reach out and touch you, gently, with my words, my eyes and with my fingers, because I don't want to miss feeling you;

Starting each day, I shall dedicate myself again to the process of being a lover -- and then see what happens;

Is this a bit too sugary? I don't want to appear as a preacher, I was worried about posting this, but I love each and every word of this transcript. I hope you like it and can take something from it.
I try and live by his words, but often real life comes in and distracts me...

Things I have learned in London

2006-08-03T13:49:00.000Z

Since I have been in London (it will be 10 years October 6th!), I have been through a lot of bad and good experiences, and have learned so many important things.
I came here a young naive 21 year old from Italy and have now become a 31 year old Londoner (but still an Italian at heart!)

So here is a list of what I have learned in the 10 years just gone:

Useless/Useful things I have learned:
To use chopsticks
To read my paper standing in a crowded metro carriage
To always always carry un umbrella in my purse, even when it seems hot and sunny
To walk fast avoiding slow or stationery tourists (it is a useful skills actually, especially when late!)
To dance flamenco
To wait tables and pull pints! (yep, my first jobs in London!)

Important things I have learned:
Well, to speak English (and write - hopefully well enough:)
To have fun!
To drive (wasn't easy, as you might read here failed again...grrr)
My job - where I am respected and rewarded for my hard work (not waiting tables anymore..)

mmmmm, can't think of much else yet.....surely there is more! That's got to be, but can't think of anything else right now.

Things I have never learned and doubt I ever will....

To cook (even though I think I am good, my husband sort of disagree...)
To budget my money - can't help it, I work in an office in the middle of the shopping district of London, temptation is everywhere, especially shoes!

The only question that I have is, would I have learned all those important things if I had been somewhere else? Yes, probably, but would I be who I am today? Probably not.
Do we even care to speculate who would I have been, if I had never left Italy or went to NY instead of London? No, but it is a slow day here in the office :)

Jokes aside, I do wonder sometimes how and who would I be instead, but I am happy with myself and would not want to be any different. All the bad and good things I had to go through, they were worth it in a way, as I have learned to love myself.

And that must be the most important thing I have learned.

Ginger please come back!

2006-08-03T13:45:00.000Z

Just as I decided to get my blog redesigned by Ginger at BabyJane, she has unfortunately decided to call it quits! I loved her work so much that I am sad I have missed out on this opportunity. No other designer I have checked out seems to be as good as her.

I'll wait a couple of months in the hope that she changes her mind...

Soccer, Romance & Sunshine

2006-07-27T09:39:00.000Z

It's been a long time since my last post I know, but in my defense I was taking a couple of trips abroad.
First I went to my family in Rome for a week and enjoyed the World Cup final! We celebrated all night with my sister and friends and it was a great feeling. I have always been interested in soccer (as you say in the US), but it's mainly something that I love to share with my dad.
Still I wouldn't watch any game just for the sake of the sport, it has to be my team playing, Rome or Italy.
Here in London was great to follow the World Cup but to enjoy the final in Rome among my fellow italians, was 100 times better, as when we won it last, it was 1982 and I was too small to remember.
Here is a photo from the celebrations in Rome:

After I came back from Rome I had about 5 days before I took my husband on a surprise weekend to Paris! It was his birthday on Sunday and two months ago I booked a trip to Paris with the Eurostar , with 1 night in a 4-star hotel. I had to keep it secret for two months and it was so difficult, was just dying to tell him! So on Friday night, I gift-wrapped a Paris guide and gave it to him! His look was priceless as he quickly realized that his gift was not the actual guide!!
So we left the next day and had a great romantic weekend in Paris, it was wonderful. It was our third time there, but it still amazes me how beautiful the place is and what romantic and passionate mood it puts you in.

But the heat was unbearable, could hardly breath, let alone think rationally. Couldn't wait to get back to London for that, because even though this year the heatwave has hit us too, it's not as bad as Paris. It's ironic how I have always complained about the British ''summer'' and now I am longing for a bit of refreshing rain!!

Happy summer wherever you are!

.....and my tip is: keep fresh and cool with lots of ice creams!!

On top of the world...

2006-07-04T08:32:00.000Z

I have finally passed my driving test yesterday!!!!
I cannot believe it yet, but it is true.....the words this time were: I am pleased to say that you have passed, congratulations!!!!!!

Now I have to wait 3 weeks for the license to turn up, but it doesn't matter, I just wanted to have it, and it has taken longer than I thought, more pain than I thought, more strength that I thought I needed and had.
I had to analyze my attitude, my confidence and my strength, I bought self-help books about optimism and never giving up, I went into driving forums and spoke to people that failed a lot and then passed, I spoke to many friends, boring them with all the details of my fails. Even I was bored of listening to myself talking about it.

Each time I failed, it destroyed me, I would be depressed for a week and then pick myself up from the floor and start all over again, with lessons and so on.
I had put my life on hold for this, when I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it, I just wanted it out of the way so that I could get on with life. Than I thought, this is life, and so get on with it, whether is failing at something or being upset, this is life, there is no other life and you better live it now before it's finished.
So I joined a gym and changed my driving teacher, two things that made a world of difference. Exercise made me feel better about myself and gave me energy and my new teacher gave me all the tools I needed to pass my test, while the previous one just didn't care at all.

Now, not only I have a driving license, but I have gained new confidence in myself and found strength I never knew I had. And I feel a much safer and better driver that if I passed first time around.
It probably all meant to happen like this, so that I could learn a bit more about life and about myself, I am not sure, but in any case, I am glad to be on the other side finally!!

A big thank you to all the people that supported me, still believed in me and never let me give up.

Favorites...

2006-06-06T14:39:00.000Z

I've not been tagged but I hope it's okay :)

10 Favorites:

Favorite Season: Summer
Favorite Color: Sea blue
Favorite Time: 3:00pm
Favorite Food: Italian
Favorite Drink: Lemonade
Favorite Ice Cream: Pistachio
Favorite Place: Rome, Italy
Favorite Sport: Tennis
Favorite Actor: Al Pacino
Favorite Actress: Juliette Binoche

9 Currents:

Current Feeling: Happy
Current Drink: Tea
Current Time: 3:20pm
Current Show on TV: No TV - I'm at work
Current Mobile used: Nokia 6030
Current Windows Open: None
Current Underwear: Topshop white cotton thong
Current Clothes: GAP jeans, short sleeve top, black cardigan, white flip flops
Current Thought: I hope my boss won’t be coming back for another hour or so, so I can blog a bit longer…!

8 Firsts:

First Nickname: Fragolina (little strawberry in italian – given by my dad)
First Kiss: A swiss boy on holiday at the beach - I was 14 1/2
First Crush: Michael J Fox
First Best Friend: Giada
First Vehicle I Owned: Honda 50 red scooter at 16
First Job: Working at an estate agent – hated it
First Date: With the swiss boy at the local ice cream parlour
First Pet: A lovely cat called ‘’Miciolina’’ – thankfully she is still around, as I was 18 when we got our first pet!!!

7 Lasts:

Last Drink: Tea
Last Kiss: My husband
Last Meal: Ceasar Salad sandwich and crisps for lunch
Last Web Site Visited: American Spoken Here
Last Movie Watched: The Constant Gardener with Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz
Last Phone Call: My sister
Last TV Watched: Charmed finale

6 Have You Ever...

Have You Ever Broken the Law: No!
Have You Ever Been Drunk: Yes!
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: No
Have You Ever Been in the Middle/Close to Gunfire: Thankfully no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: No
Have You Ever Broken Anyone's Heart: Once

5 Things:

Things You Can Hear Right Now: Italian radio through the web
Things On Your Bed: Pillows, sheet, duvet
Things You Ate Today: Strawberry tartlet for breakfast, ceasar salad and crisps for lunch
Things You Do When You Are Bored: Surf the net, watch tv
Things You Do For Comfort: Read, watch tv, eat unhealthy foods

4 Places You Have Been Today:

My apartment
’Paul’ patisserie
My office
Pret a Manger sandwich shop

3 Things On Your Desk Right Now:

Tea mug
Stapler
Laptop

2 Choices:

Coffee or Tea: Tea
Spring or summer: Summer

1 Place You Want To Visit:

San Francisco

Tagged:
Pam
Mindi
Cheryl

Have fun!

x

Page 161

2006-06-06T13:37:00.000Z

Thanks to Pam!! This is so much fun...

1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open to page 161
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the text of the sentence along with these instructions
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

So I have grabbed the book in my purse: ''Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close'' by Jonathan Safran Foer.

This is the fifth sentence on page 161:
''Yesterday! Today! Five minutes ago! Now!''

...wonderful book by the way.

5 Item Meme

2006-05-26T09:03:00.000Z

I've been tagged by Pam!

5 items in my fridge
Yogurt
Tomatoes
Italian fresh gnocchi
Mozzarella
Tuna steaks

5 items in my closet
Belts and scarves I forget to wear
Summer and winter clothes all together (In London you never know!)
Old skirts I would never wear again
Bikinis
Lots of black tights everywhere

5 items in my car
(don't have a car, but if I did, this is what I would like to have in there)
Blanket
City map
Umbrella
Water
Sweets

5 items in my purse
Hairband
Book by Tess Gerritsen
Pen
A button from my jacket
My diary

I would like to tag Cheryl, Marissa and Kiki.

Have a good weekend everybody!

x

Beautiful sea

2006-05-18T09:22:00.000Z

This beautiful beach here is in Cornwall and it's where we are going (in a couple of weeks time) to have three amazing days walking on the beach, relaxing, having intimate dinners, I cannot wait! Work is so stressful for both of us that sometimes we just need to get away and my choice will always include the sea. The sea relaxes me and makes me feel small and makes my problems shrink in size. Just the smell of the sea drives me crazy with longing - I just fool myself I can live without it most days here in London :)

Since I was a little girl my parents always took us to the beach and so I grew up spending up to 3 months in the summer, every single year. This was thanks to my grandfather that bought a house in Sardinia, a lovely italian island, many many years ago when it was still cheap, and so we could go there anytime and for long periods of time.

Life in Sardinia as a young girl was simple: jump out of bed, hurry up with breakfast (not too much breakfast - you would not want to wait too long before going in the sea) then rush off to the beach ahead of our parents (the beach was relatively close and the village very safe for our parents to trust us). We would spend all day there, eating italian bread with mozzarella and tomatoes for lunch, and spending every possible minute in the water. At 8pm (or as late as possible) we would go back home, tanned, full of sand and tired from the day and we couldn't wait to do it all again the next day. Shower, dinner and then bed.

As a young teenager, life by the beach slightly changed, suddenly I was sleeping longer in the mornings and arriving at the beach fashionably late like 11-12pm, to join friends there. My summer friends were special friends. We would only see each other during the summer months and every year we would all look forward to meet again, we came from all different cities in Italy and it was great to spend time with them. With them I discovered my first juke box (the song I loved to play again and again was 'Paradise City' by Guns & Roses), my first sip of an alcoholic drink
(I hated it, it was Cointreau!), my first crush and my first very best friend.
At this point I would spend very little time with my parents and my sister, and by far the only time we would spend together was dinner, as I was always rushing out after, to meet my friends down at the harbour for ice creams and gossip.

There I had my first ever kiss with my first ever boyfriend at 14 (a keyboard player from Switzerland!), and my first clubbing experience. And I could go on and on about my first experiences there, there are many and all my memories are tinged with nostalgia of the place that I could really call home. More than my own home in Rome.

Years went by, friends grew up and stopped coming, couples would form and reform, then I started coming with my steady serious boyfriends from the city, mainly to show them my home and what I was all about.

Somehow I never managed to take my husband there, my mum was always renting the house in the summer months, and we always chose to go away to different places.

I feel sad as now the house is sold, the only place I could call home, and the last time I was there, it was 5 years ago. I am not angry with my mum, she had to do what she had to do, she couldn't keep up with it anymore, it was an old house and she would have needed lots of money to refurbish it.

That's why, wherever I go, I always look for the sea, hoping that the smell has the strength to take me back home, if only for a few moments.

Failed again!!!! Grrr!!

2006-04-26T13:58:00.000Z

I failed again at my driving test! This time I was taking it very relaxed because I didn't want to be too nervous, instead once I was at the wheel I was twice more nervous than last time.
They failed me because I went at 30 mph in a road where I should have gone at 60 mph. And they failed me as well because I was waiting behind the buses if they stopped at the bus stops instead of going around them and overtake them!! I did overtake a couple of times but only when necessary and when safe.

All I was trying to do was to drive safely and with no rush. Where does it say that I have to go at the maximum speed required??? Can I not go at whatever speed I like? Fine, I understand if I was going at 10 mph but I was doing 30 mhp which is the limit in all of the city of London! How was I to know the examiner was taking me to a country road? If I was driving on my own I would have surely gone faster, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to fail again! I am ranting now, sorry, I am still so upset and it happened nearly two weeks ago.

The next exam is on the 2nd May at 2.30pm Greenwich time, please please pray for me to get it right this time! Hopefully I will be third time lucky!!

All I hope is that I don't get the same examiner, I really didn't like him. He made sure he told me I failed half way through the test, when he should have waited until the end. What a horrible man.

Flathunting

2006-04-05T12:06:00.000Z

We have decided to move!! Yeah! I am so happy. Every time we move we want to get something nicer, I for once want a DISHWASHER! It doesn't fit in our current kitchen unfortunately. Then I would love a roof terrace or a nice size balcony, where we can have breakfast in the summer on a Sunday morning!
We want top floor as well, as we had enough trouble with our past and current upstairs neighbours to ever want people above us.......never never again.

..but London is so expensive and we hope to find what we want at the price we want! Sometimes spending all the money in rent, it makes me angry and mad, I wish I could have my own little house with a mortgage and pay that off instead. My husband thinks is crazy to buy in London, and he is probably right as a good size flat costs about 300 thousand pounds, plus we might move away in a couple of years, maybe Italy.
Why are the prices so unaffordable? We both have very good jobs, and earn a good salary, but what we want where we want is just a distant dream.

...so back to renting for now!

Sorry: you have failed!

2006-03-15T13:55:00.000Z

I am just recovering from my driving exam. I took it last Friday and have failed miserably.

I drove very well for most part of the exam, but then made a silly mistake, which failed me. I felt so upset, as I was only following his instructions and should have realised the examiner was trying to trick me.

I am know trying to book another exam and feel already nervous. What if I fail again? Failing once it's even acceptable (in the UK only 42% pass the first time), but failing twice will make me so upset and even more miserable.

..but I will never give up, even if it takes ten exams, and I refuse to give up after all the time and money spent learning. Will let you know how it goes! It should happen in 4 weeks time.

:)

5 Apartments and 3 jobs

2006-02-08T23:07:00.000Z

I don't want to sound like a mad on-line stalker or anything like that but....

Me and my hubby have just come back from a lovely dinner and we ended up on the internet. I just read him Mindi's post (http://braveworldnyc.blogspot.com/) called Threshold and he was moved to tears as well as she writes so beautifully that anyone would have the same reaction. Please read her blog every day as she is the one that inspired me to start writing mine.
After I read her blog, I just had to try and I know that even though I will never write as good as her, I can only try.

Her posts can be about anything or everything, but she still would keep you coming back for more.

She is a great writer and a great girl!
Thank you Mindi for inspiring me.

A long and eventful month

2006-01-30T22:24:00.000Z

Sorry for my long absence, I have been having a tough time lately and didn't have time to even write about it.
First was the pre-Xmas period, when I was extremely busy at work, didn't have time for anything, then Xmas time with my husband - peace finally.
Since we have been back at work, we have had an attempted mugging, a bad injury, a 'near' car accident and a pregnancy scare!!
First my husband got mugged by two guys on a scooter, or at least they tried to. They came from behind on the pavement to steal his briefcase, but he held on so tight, despite the sudden shock, and he was able to get the briefcase back from their lap. He then ran in the first shop to call the police and try to catch those guys, but with no luck, they were long gone.
I think it was very brave of him to get his briefcase back from them, but at the same time maybe quite risky, you never know what can happen.
He said that, in a split second, he felt he had a chance to grab it back and he just had to do it. I feel extremely proud of him.
Even the police congratulated him, I think they were happy that for once the good people got the upper hand!!

The week after I tripped and badly fell on the pavement on my hands and knees.
I was flat out on the street at 8am in the morning for about two minutes, in utter pain, and nobody, and I really mean nobody, stopped and helped me. They actually went around and past me to get to the tube (our subway!), just like I was a sack of garbage. The pain was excruciating and I had to try twice to get up, as my knees were just giving up at first. I tried to make my way underground to get some help or just seat down and catch my breath, but I was just so in shock and in so much disbelief that I just kept going until I got out of the tube on my way to the office. At that point I called my husband and started crying my eyes out as I could barely stand up on my legs, that much was the pain.
I cried and cried on the phone, while my husband was doing an excellent job of keeping me from screaming out and then I reached my office and got my workmates to help me in a taxi and take me to the ER. I ended up with massive swollen and bruised knees, but not much else thankfully.
What really upset me is that nobody even stopped to help me get up or to ask me if I was okay. I always do that to others.

In the middle of all this, I am late by two weeks. I have done a pregnancy test last week, but still no sign of 'it'. To be honest, we would be extremely happy if I was pregnant, but we just weren't counting on happening just yet!
Anyway, the last but not least scare is when, in one of my driving lessons, I nearly ran over a homeless drunken man that jumped in front of my car as I was doing 30 miles per hour. I know, I wasn't going fast, so I was able to slow down just in time, but, trust me, it wasn't pleasant!

So much for a peaceful start of the year!

That's it folks!!

That's my very eventful month, sorry about the lengthy post.....but it was a while since my last!

Age

2005-12-06T12:10:00.000Z

Don’t I look 30 years old?

Every time someone asks my age and I say 30 y.o., they understand 40! My Italian accent really lets me down in this instance.
Then they say: ‘but you don’t look 40 at all!!!
‘Well of course I don’t, I am THIRTY’.

By this point, they feel very embarrassed and wish they could disappear, while I feel very stupid. I know I don’t look 40, but just the thought that it’s not sooo absurd to people that I might be 40 upsets me.
I only hope that when I am 40, I will look like I am 30!!!

My husband saved me though when he said that I still look the same to him as the day he met me, when I was 25 years old.
Which is sweet, very sweet, but probably not true. :)

Night terrors

2005-12-03T00:03:00.000Z

Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night, my heart was racing and I was so scared for some unknown reason. The first thing I did was to check on my husband's breathing, I am not sure why, but in that moment it was my first instinct. When I was sure he was ok, I got up and switched on all the lights in our flat and looked around everywhere.
I knew nobody could possibly have entered the house, but somehow I couldn't go back to sleep if I didn't check.
As soon as I did this and went back to bed, my heart went back down to a normal rhythm.
This has never happened to me before and I am not sure what did happen. I didn't have a bad dream, I didn't eat or drink anything that would have made my heart race so much or wake me up so suddenly in the middle of the night.
I am not sure what it was, but I was so scared like I never have been before in my life. Somehow I felt a negative presence in the house and I couldn't explain it any other way.
I am trying to rationalize this, but I cannot come up with any rational explanation.
I hope I can sleep tonight!

blah blah

2005-11-22T08:44:00.000Z

My latest addiction on telly is :
The Ultimate Love Test!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, could I choose a more silly programme? I am 30 years old, I should be ashamed of myself. Still, it's fun to watch. I usually follow:
ER
Desperate Housewives
Charmed
The OC

I know, I know, some of the above are aimed at a teenagers audience! In my defense, I am missing Friends and SATC and I am currently trying to replace them desperately. I know it isn't going to work.

I better get on with some work, before my boss catches me on the internet!
:)

Tessa

2005-11-18T13:21:00.000Z

I just learned that my mum’s dog had to be put down yesterday. Her name was Tessa. My mum found her in the streets and took her home when the vet told her that the dog kept escaping from the current owner, as he was abusive and violent. She was told as well that Tessa had an incurable tumor in her leg.

I believe she was happy for the two years she was with my parents, as she never tried to escape once. The previous owner never looked for her thankfully. He didn’t deserve such a sweet and caring dog. She could hardly walk, let alone run, poor Tessa, but she could always make everybody laugh, especially the way she was always scared of our cat!!! She would not enter the house if the cat was around and always used to hide in the garden.

I hope she feels no more pain now.

Ups and Downs

2005-11-09T08:45:00.000Z

Since I have cut down my smoking (from 20 to 5), I have gone through a lot of up and downs. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. I know it sounds silly, as I haven't even stopped completely. I still feel very proud that I don't smoke at all during the day and go through my stressful job without my usual emotional crutch, and then have my 3 or 5 cigs in the evening.

I am very happy of what I have achieved and here below I want to list all the benefits of not smoking so much anymore:
1) Better skin (no more spots!)
2) Better mood
3) More energy
4) Less laziness (just a general 'wanting to keep busy' to keep my mind off smoking)
5) Better at my job (no more cigs breaks!)
6) Cooking more (see 4)

On top of all the above benefits, I have put on some weight, which it classifies as a benefit for me, as I always was too slim. I now feel more feminine, which is a great boost for my sex life as well!!

So, the only bad effect I have been having is a mild depression once in a while, especially on a Monday morning or at weekends. I suppose I can cope with that, I only hope it will go away soon, as last weekend I spent both days on the sofa watching telly, while my husband was working. The house was a mess, but I just couldn't face cleaning or tidy up. Needless to say, I felt really down.

Today I feel happy; I just have to take one day at a time, and deal with the depressions when they come, as I have learned that they always go away sooner or later!

confession

2005-10-25T06:30:00.000Z

I have a confession to make: Erica is my second name - and only very few people would connect it with me.
The reason I used my second name for my blog is that I do like it a lot, but never get a chance to use it. Secondly, I was just afraid at first that people I know could possibly find and read my blog. I wanted it to be my own, I wanted to be able to talk about things freely without fear that someone I know would read it by chance.
I know I have nothing to hide, and the things I talk about are hardly secrets, but at first I didn't know how the blog would shape up and what things I would talk about. As it is, I think that I should come out!! My first name is Valentina :)

.....apologies for not being entirely straightforward regarding my name, but for everything else I have been!! I will keep using Erica though, as this is the only place that I can use it, and if I get discovered by someone I know, then I will just create another blog using my third name (Francesca) oops
xxx

My dear nephew

2005-10-07T08:47:00.000Z

I have been to Italy to see my family and meet for the first time my little nephew, born only a month ago. He is so gorgeous and I miss him so much; my sister is such a good mother and she seems so confident and as if she knows what she is doing, even though he is her first child.
I hope it will be like that for me, but I can already see that I will be less of a natural! I was left alone for one hour with my nephew, to my great happiness, and I panicked a little bit when he started crying and wanted his milk...but I did cope just fine after all.
And I have even bought the vibrating chair for the baby, like the one in Sex & the City! The baby seems to love it!

Being far away from my nephew (me in London, him in Rome) I hope to be able to still be a big presence in his life, and I wish to be very close to him, not a far away auntie that only comes to visit once a year, but a cool auntie that he loves. I now go to Italy 3 times a year, so I hope it will be enough; it was sad to kiss him goodbye even though I will go back in Xmas with my husband.

All this baby business is making me broody! :)

My first driving lesson

2005-09-19T16:02:00.000Z

On Saturday I had my first driving lesson. At first I felt truly petrified and the teacher had to remind me to relax. After 1 hour of driving around the square, I felt pretty relaxed and started using 2nd and 3rd gear!!

Despite the initial nervousness, I felt I really liked driving and cannot wait for my next lesson, which will be in two weeks. The only thing that worries me is the right/left problem. Here in England they drive on the left and instinctively I kept wanting to go on the right side, which is potentially very dangerous!

....so I have to remind myself, always left, always left, always left and I might just stay alive at the wheel :) and pass my test!

Turning 30

2005-09-02T23:08:00.000Z

In 13 days I will be turning 30 and I feel mixed emotions. I feel slightly scared, a bit excited, maybe nervous. I never gave it a thought before, I never thought I will be nervous or scared, I have always felt too young to be worrying about age, and I am not saying that I am too worried about it now, but this has concided with the loss of my husband's dear dear grandfather. The funeral was heartbreaking and sad. I didn't know him many years, but enough years to care very much about him and I love my husband so much that his pain was my pain too.

All this makes you think about mortality and that every moment counts. I knew that already, but now I really feel it.
So, turning 30 suddenly has a whole different meaning.

A few months ago I said to myself that I had to make some changes in order to feel happy about being 30, and I started making a list of all the goals I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30, or at least make a move towards them. So, I am now going to have my first driving lesson in two weeks time (yes, I still don't have a driving licence!) and I am quitting smoking a day after my birthday.
The first thing excites me and scares me at the same time, the second thing just plainly scares me.

I have bought Alan Carr's book and I have very good intentions to read it all in one go, and I hope it will work, and in a way I am scared that it will work, if that makes sense to anybody! The last time I quit I got extremely depressed and I am worried it will happen again. I don't mind the physical symptoms, but I really did mind the depression (i only lasted two weeks). I don't want to take anti depressants, I am not against it, but I just want to make it on my own, without that sort of help. I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough to do it. But I sooo believe I am not strong enough to do it. So, it will be a tough battle and maybe I shouldn't have teamed up my quitting with my turning 30, it just makes me dread it even more.

I wish I never started and I wish I never liked it at all. And I didn't at first, but as an insecure 18 y.o. that I was, it made me feel better, more confident and more sure of myself and soon enough I was hooked. What a fool I was! If only I could cut down at least to 5 a day, I would feel great, but it's all or nothing for me. I tried, but I just couldn't.

To all the no-smokers out there, I hope to join you very soon!

Ringing

2005-08-09T10:30:00.000Z

I was on the bus this morning, when suddenly it comes to my attention that somebody is not answering their phone. I can hear this ringing going on and on and on for minutes and minutes. Everybody starts looking around quite annoyed. I knew it wasn't mine, because I know my ring and that wasn't my ring (anyway, nobody would call me at 7.30am, I am far too asleep to make any sense of any conversation). As time goes by, people just get used to it, but I still find it so annoying and really look around at who could be the culprit.
Anyway, I then realize it might be an alarm clock incorporated in the phone and find it very funny that somebody doesn't realize their alarm is ringing.

Suddenly it stops with a strange blip sound, that shows that the battery on the mobile has run out..... at that instant I realize it was my phone! I felt so embarrassed, I think nobody noticed that it was me, but a guy looked at me with an annoyed face, so I think he knew.

Annoying Screamer

2005-08-09T08:39:00.000Z

Every night, or nearly every night, I hear someone having sex in the apartment above me. It's becoming increasingly annoying, because the girl is a screamer! Plus they always have their window open, which helps the all neighboroughood hearing exactly every little detail.
And frankly is not hot at all in London at the moment, so no reason to leave the window open. We are still sleeping with the winter duvet!
Don't get me wrong I am happy for them, but somehow I can't see how they can be at it every single night! I have a very happy healthy sex life, but every night, come on, who does it every single night?
So, I keep thinking, they must be students, they must have just met, or something. My husband thinks I should leave the people alone, and not be bothered by it, but I think he is secretly curious about the screamer! I told him she is surely faking :)-
I am not a silent lover, but I can certainly restrain from screaming like someone is killing me, especially as I know the sweet old couple next door, would not enjoy the show, and might even call the police, especially as the walls of our apartment building are so paper-thin. The floors are so thin as well, that sometimes I am afraid I am going to end up in the apartment underneath us, if only I would jump slightly on the floor.
All this though, has brought out my very deeply buried competitive nature out and I must admit, that we are having more sex than usual!!! So, some good has come out of this after all!

Future Regrets

2005-07-28T08:15:00.000Z

I have always known I get bored easily in jobs, and so I never thought I would stay 5 years in the same one! If someone told me this 10 years ago, I would not have believed them. How did I get stuck on this job?

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful I have a good job and good pay in a place where people know me and respect me and I don’t have to prove to anyone how able or experienced I am, because they already know it. But there is something missing, I feel dissatisfied, bored, and emotionally unfulfilled, and what I do helps nobody and I feel I am wasting my time.

I keep thinking I want a new challenge, a new exciting career, a career where I can make a difference for people, but then I think of my lovely wage and how it would be hard to give that up to start from the first step of the ladder again at 29. As well, I am thinking of studying a bit more, but can I really make the sacrifice of working full time and studying in my spare time? I am married, and I want to be with my husband in my spare time. Maybe have a baby in 1-2 years, so what would be the point? Should I just stay here until I feel ready to have a baby?
Or should I take my destiny in my hands and do something enjoyable and useful with my life until I am ready to have a baby?

The answer seems so obvious, but it’s still hard. I don’t want to have regrets in 10-20 years time and wished I did something different, something that I love with passion, something that would make me jump out of bed in the morning, instead of dragging myself reluctantly to the shower. But how many people have that? Not many, maybe actors, maybe teachers, or singers, or book authors, I don’t know. I wish I knew back when I was 15, what my talent was and what my passion was, so that I could have studied towards such goals….. but I didn’t know what I was good at when I was 15, I wasn’t driven by ambition and money, I was just living my life the best I knew. I am not sure I even know now what my talent is anyway. My husband says I have a big heart and that I seem happier when I help people, and I should try and do something with that.

I will make a decision soon and will keep you posted!

London under attack - again

2005-07-22T08:57:00.000Z

Fear is gripping me again, after the second attacks in two weeks. Thankfully nobody got hurt, but the thought that some people are still out there trying to kill us, is so upsetting and scary. I am fed up really, we didn’t expect something to happen again, so soon after 7/7. I am now taking the bus very early in the mornings, hoping whoever wants to bomb us, won’t do it as early as 7.30. But, as yesterday attacks show, we can’t outguess the crazy criminals out there. Let’s just hope and pray that they will catch the 4 guys from yesterday and put them in jail.

MY DREAM CITY

2005-07-12T18:38:00.000Z

New York..... New York.....New York.....
I have been there in February 2005 for 10 days with my husband (won the tickets through a newspaper competition:). We both loved New York so much that we want to go back very soon, but this time in the summer or at least the fall!
Find here above a photo of me in Central Park, and as you can see, it was freezing!

I had very high expectations of New York, as I have been dreaming of going there for many years, and I must say I was not disappointed in the least. It was even better than I imagined. The people we met were always so friendly, apart from a very rude subway worker, but that's another story altogether.
Once we were standing on a pavement in Greenwich Village, just looking at the beautiful houses and checking on our map what we should visit next. In the 5 minutes I was standing there, 3 different people asked for directions, and fool that I am, I tried to help with my map and soon they lost patience and left. Then a local guy approached us and asked us if we needed help or were lost.

Before this I must explain that many people have asked us if we needed help or were lost in NY, something that would never happen anywhere else, as far as my experience goes. Everybody is always in a rush and certainly doesn't have time to help tourists, unfortunately I know, as I am like that in London sometimes.

Anyway, as this guy looked so eager to help and so friendly, I decided to say yes, we needed help in finding the subway, even though it was not true. Don't ask me why, I am just too nice and hate to disappoint people :). He looked happy he could help and proceeded to describe the way to the subway, but then, an idea came to him and he asked us to follow him somewhere nearby and reassured us we could trust him. As he said this, we were not sure if we should trust him at all, but we followed him anyway. He took us in this courtyard and told us that behind an old door, there was a lovely bar called Chumley's. We all entered after him and found ourselves in this lovely bar, hidden away and unknown to most people but locals ( I then found out the bar is on every tourist guide), but that's beside the point.

What the point is that the guy just wanted us to have a good time and went out of his way to take us to a good place. Needless to say, we offered to buy him a drink, but he wasn't having it, he had to go, as he told us he narrowly escaped death that day, apparently his building burned in a fire and he was the only one to get out. He said he felt he needed to do a good deed that day and show a couple of tourist this gem of a bar. We ended up spending the all afternoon and evening in the bar and met a nice guy Matthew and all his friends and spent a lovely time with them, they were really nice guys and we had a great time drinking with them. Turns out that Matthew actually met SJP in an elevator once and he loves her as much as I do, so talked a lot about SATC and movies in general, (he is trying to be an actor and I wish him all the best luck).

So, to everybody I say I love NY and love the New Yorkers too!

A sad and terrible day

2005-07-08T20:19:00.000Z

So it has happened.
I feel shocked, upset, sad, angry. First of all, I want to express my sympathies and condolences to all the families and friends that have lost someone they love, someone they will dearly miss and mourn, that everybody in our beloved city will especially mourn.

We were all waiting for it after 9/11, but it didn't happen and we all relaxed. Shouldn't have, but one has to keep on living and not worrying every day about what might or might not happen...
And so everybody just keeps on living, even today, after what happened yesterday. I know that this is the best way to get over it, to just keep on doing what you always do, and not let the terrorists win by being afraid, but I can't help it, I can't help but be afraid, I can't help but stop for a day or two
...especially after seeing the exploded bus, looking just like the bus I take every morning to work, and thinking that if it was my bus, I would have been dead, as I always sit in the back.
Can't think of taking the bus on Monday morning.

At 9.30 on the morning of the 7/07 I arrived at my office, cheerful and looking forward to my day, unaware that bombs were already exploding around and underneath my beloved city. The first I knew of it, it was when my colleague's father called from Italy asking how his daughter was, I didn't understand what he was on about, I didn't get it, the line was very bad and then he mentioned explosions and I quickly reassured him that his daughter was at the hospital getting a scan, so she would certainly be in the safest place to be.
I then logged on the internet and tried to call my husband immediately, but his mobile was switched off. I read on and told my colleague, it was just me and her in the office that morning; we were astonished and shocked, but still nothing was clear to anybody and we didn't understand what was going on, until we read about the bus exploding. That confirmed our fears that this could be a terrorist attack. I tried my husband again with no luck . He works near Liverpool Street and I was worried he was in the area. He doesn't take the underground (we both stopped taking it after 9/11) but at that point in the day, nobody knew what was going on and there were reports of three buses exploding and bombs exploding in the streets, so I was very worried about him, mainly because I just couldn't get through to him. Then I tried the landline in case he was still home, but with no luck.
We then looked around for a radio, found it and switched it on, and listened to more up to date news. They kept saying not to move and to stay where we were, and that the attacks were from terrorists, and that there were fatalities, but nobody still knew much.
Then the phones stopped working, landline and mobiles, only text and email worked, and we started receiving emails from parents, relatives, friends, still nothing from my husband.
I then tried to send him and email and a text. And finally he managed to come back to me, he was thankfully still home, not aware of anything. I said I loved him and that I was safe and that I might stay at the office until the situation was clearer.

After two hours of listening to the news and reassuring more family and friends, we decided to leave our office against police advice. We just wanted to be with our husbands and be home safe. The police interrupted all bus services and the underground was obviously closed as well, so the only way to get home was to walk, as all taxis were impossible to find.

We locked up the office and started walking with nervousness and a bit of anxiety, but we did. The streets were empty of traffic, apart from ambulances and police, and people walking and stopping at TV shops to see the latest news. There was an eerie quiet in the city, an eerie calm and it was scary to be out there. A slight drizzle rain started to come down, the sky was grey and dark, the atmosphere really surreal. We kept on walking taking small little road and avoiding big or important junction that could be targets and at one point we each went to our separate directions. I kept on walking under the rain, around me very few cars running, roads shut down, nervous police, people walking home and getting lost, walking with maps in their hands, all looking like scared and lost tourists. Then I saw two girls desperately trying to stop cars with a sign that read ''Paddington Hospital'', which is the St Mary's Hospital in Paddington, where many wounded were taken after the blast in Edgware Road tube. I thought that they were probably trying to get there as a friend or a family member was wounded and there were desperate to get there as soon as possible. I didn't see anybody stopping, but I am sure someone did sooner or later. I really hope who they were going to see is fine.

I wish everybody was fine, but some are obviously not and I feel so upset that there are wives like me, that unlike me, haven't heard from their husbands, I feel angry that some dads, husbands, wives or son or daughter will not come home and I wish I could help somebody somehow, I wish I was a doctor or a nurse or a policeman or a firemen, instead of a stupid office manager.

I just feel helpless and wish I wasn't. But this isn't about me but about the brave people that acted with calm and saved people around them, ordinary people like me, working people that were just going to work, looking forward to the weekend ahead, sitting reading their morning paper or listening to their ipods. People that have not gone back home last night and that will never go back home.

For them I say a prayer, for them I close my eyes and wish they are safe now and not suffering anymore. I wish they are angels now and look after their loved ones from up there.

All my love and prayers go to them and their families and friends in this terrible and sad time.

Quick Engagements

2005-06-17T21:10:00.000Z

Well,
I have just read news about Tom Cruise's proposal. I am so happy for them, but don't they think it's a bit too early? They have only been together like two months! They are still in the honeymoon period, when everything is perfect and one never argues, and have sex like 3 times a day :), but it never lasts, reality sets in and if you are lucky, the novelty and the lust, is replaced by love, intimacy and deeper feelings.
Fine, she had his poster on her wall when she was a teenager and always dreamt of marrying the guy, but we've all done that, it doesn't mean that the man she dreamt about at 15 is really the man she is marrying. Sorry, if I feel sceptical about this, and I really care, because she always seemed to me such a sweet girl. Anyway, what do I know about anything! I only hope they can be happy for a very long time.

No other news really shocked me quite so much today.

Regarding my own life, I am feeling very very tired today, but happy as tomorrow is Saturday and I will sleep until lunchtime. The big news is that is supposed to be hot and sunny, quite a rarity in any Saturday in June ever in the history of England. So because of this quite unexpected weather we are planning to go to this new thing in London, it's called URBAN BEACH, and it's supposedly great fun, with bars and dancing and beach volley games, with sand imported from somewhere hot and put on the grass of a park in London. The only big difference from a real beach, there will be NO SEA. How can I go to a beach with no water? Is this their idea of fun? Do they know what a real beach is? Will there be a pool? Nobody knows, I guess we'll see and I will let you know next post....

100 things about me - ok maybe not 100

2005-06-10T11:29:00.000Z

1) I really hate the dentist – so much that once I was so sick I had to cancel, blamed the sandwich shop for giving me food poisoning, then realized I was probably just nervous about the visit. I am currently still visiting the same sandwich shop
2) I am Italian, living in London and am married to a German
3) I can’t make good espresso coffee and I can’t stand the taste of it, but somehow I love the smell so much.
4) I hate flossing, but force myself to do it, as my hygienist is a really pushy person and I hate her nagging at me for not doing it.
5) I make myself see her every two months, so I can’t escape flossing
6) I love watching telly late at night, especially old black & white Italian movies
7) I love staying home from work and watch telly all day
8) I am obsessed with sit-coms, if I start watching an episode of something, I then need to watch all the previous series, as I have to know what happened before
9) I accidentally watched a Charmed episode from series 7 and got hooked and I am now in the middle of watching all the previous series.
10) I am starting to hate Charmed – my husband already does
11) I can speak Italian and English, I tried to learn German, my husband’s language, but I just don’t get it – it’s way too difficult
12) My husband is a German teacher, but just refuses to teach me German and I wonder why :)
13)My first concert was my first date with my husband, AC/DC at Wembley Stadium. I was 25, I know, I am a late bloomer, should have gone to a concert before!!
14) I love music, but can only listen to it if I am doing something else, like housework, or if I know the words and can sing it
15) I cannot sing at all – am just tone-deaf, but is the thing I love the most
16) I go to flamenco classes
17) I get extremely bored getting manicures and don’t like the chit-chat one has to do with the girl doing your nails – or the hairdresser doing your hair
18) I change hairdresser every single time and still haven’t found one that I actually want to talk to or that cuts my hair exactly as I want it
19) I smoke – but will quit for my 30th birthday – three months awaaaaaaaaaaaaay
20) I am only at no. 20!!!!!!! Didn’t realize, it would be so hard, do I even have 100 things?????
21) I am a terrible spender - especially love shoes, but then again I am a woman
22) My husband thinks I have too many shoes – I only have like 12 – not nearly enough for a respectable nearly-30 woman
23) I won two tickets to New York and visited for the first time in February 2005
24) My favourite city: NEW YORK
25) I am a SATC fan, and did go to Perry Street, but didn’t have a clue which house was it, until a bus load of girls and their bored boyfriends arrived!
26) My dream is to become a writer
27) I love to read and I have been known to read a book in one day
28) At work everybody knows how much I hate being talked to if I am reading my book at lunchtime
29) I especially hate when they ask me what I am reading
30) I love reading Michael Connelly’s books, so does my dad and my mum
31) I went to his signing in London – will never go to another signing – I felt like a silly teenager waiting to see their favorite actor
32) My favorite actor is Al Pacino, especially in Scent of a Woman
33) When I was little, and still every time I go to Italy, I read Donald Duck comics, but sadly they don’t sell them in England
34) I got married twice to the same man – once in the Caribbean, just me and him and once in London four months after in a church ceremony for my family
35) I was late at both ceremonies for no fault of my own – so I say to everybody
36) The photographer was late the first time and the second time my taxi didn’t turn up!!!!!! So had to flag one down with my mum and dad following and running in the street and my sister filming this hilarious scene. I finally found a lovely London cab, with Vanity Fair writing all over it.
37) I think I am a good cook, but I don’t actually love cooking
38) My husband thinks I can’t cook – he cooks most night for both of us and I since stopped protesting that I can cook ;)
39) Love summer – love winter (only when I had a proper summer) – hate English weather (as we never get a proper summer)
40) Love ice cream – but can’t stand chocolate ice cream
41) When I bought my Seven jeans in Bloomingdale I thought I wouldn’t see many people back in London with them, as they cost a fortune here, but just my luck, everybody is wearing a pair! I can’t explain this – have they all been to NY or are they all rich???
42) I am fed up now – can’t think about anything else
43) This is why I will never become a writer – I am sure I’ll get bored of my own book halfway through
44) My favourite cocktail is Cosmopolitan (of course), but can’t possibly drink more than one, or I’ll be drunk. And can anyone explain how not to spill any of it down your dress when you’ve had two and are drunk?
45) Our favorite place in NY to have a steak was The Rodeo Bar near Gramercy Park
46) If I lived in NY I would be a barmaid - not sure why, it looks like fun filling a glass with all the lovely tips and watching it grow as the night goes on and people get drunker and drunker and more generous
47) Or I would be a columnist writer like Carrie, so I could work from home - except I am not disciplined enough to work from home, I would just sleep until 11, watch telly until 2 and then maybe start doing some writing, get bored and go shopping for shoes! My career already finished before it even started :(
48) I can’t let go of my unrealizable dreams (e.g. being a barmaid in NY or a singer or a professional flamenco dancer - don't ask)
49) My husband supports all my wacky dreams and that’s why I love him, even listen to me singing, which I suspect must be unbearable
50) Ok, other 50 to go
Can I call this – 50 things about me? I really can’t think anymore, my head is spinning

LIFE IN LONDON - my first post

2005-06-10T11:10:00.000Z

Well, my first post! What should I talk about? Probably why I started this blog. I had great fun reading other people's blog and I thought I should try myself . I love to write, but never have any chances really, so I thought this could be a start in that direction.

I moved to London 8 years ago when I was only 21, but I am originally from Rome, Italy. I have found here the love of my life and I have grown up so much, it's hard to imagine how different I would have been, if I never came to this island.

England is a great country, and if I could go back in time, I would come here all over again. This life experience has taught me so much and made me who I am. I look at my friends back in Italy that have never left the security of their homes and families, and I am glad I have made this move.

BUT...
I miss my family now more than ever, and miss the lovely weather and the good food and the friendly lovely people. Will I ever be able to go back one day? Me and my other half are working on it, but it might never happen. We might actually move there and then hate it, as I now have a romanticised idea of Italy, the way it was when I left and I know I won't find everything as I left it. People moves on, things change, life continues without me, whether I like it or not. And what I am left with is no nationality, am I Italian or English? Neither! I don't feel english, as I am too italian for that, and I don't feel italian anymore, as I have acquired english traits.
I feel my roots have been taken away from me and I feel I will never get them back. I am afraid that wherever I will live, it will never feel like home to me.

I hope this doesn't matter and that I can create home wherever I feel like. I can only try and be myself wherever I go, whether is Italy or London or New York, but the good thing is that I do feel at home in my husband's arms!

See ya....