Age

Don’t I look 30 years old?


Every time someone asks my age and I say 30 y.o., they understand 40! My Italian accent really lets me down in this instance.
Then they say: ‘but you don’t look 40 at all!!!
‘Well of course I don’t, I am THIRTY’.

By this point, they feel very embarrassed and wish they could disappear, while I feel very stupid. I know I don’t look 40, but just the thought that it’s not sooo absurd to people that I might be 40 upsets me.
I only hope that when I am 40, I will look like I am 30!!!

My husband saved me though when he said that I still look the same to him as the day he met me, when I was 25 years old.
Which is sweet, very sweet, but probably not true. :)

Night terrors

Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night, my heart was racing and I was so scared for some unknown reason. The first thing I did was to check on my husband's breathing, I am not sure why, but in that moment it was my first instinct. When I was sure he was ok, I got up and switched on all the lights in our flat and looked around everywhere.
I knew nobody could possibly have entered the house, but somehow I couldn't go back to sleep if I didn't check.
As soon as I did this and went back to bed, my heart went back down to a normal rhythm.
This has never happened to me before and I am not sure what did happen. I didn't have a bad dream, I didn't eat or drink anything that would have made my heart race so much or wake me up so suddenly in the middle of the night.
I am not sure what it was, but I was so scared like I never have been before in my life. Somehow I felt a negative presence in the house and I couldn't explain it any other way.
I am trying to rationalize this, but I cannot come up with any rational explanation.
I hope I can sleep tonight!

blah blah

My latest addiction on telly is :
The Ultimate Love Test!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, could I choose a more silly programme? I am 30 years old, I should be ashamed of myself. Still, it's fun to watch. I usually follow:
ER
Desperate Housewives
Charmed
The OC

I know, I know, some of the above are aimed at a teenagers audience! In my defense, I am missing Friends and SATC and I am currently trying to replace them desperately. I know it isn't going to work.

I better get on with some work, before my boss catches me on the internet!
:)

Tessa

I just learned that my mum’s dog had to be put down yesterday. Her name was Tessa. My mum found her in the streets and took her home when the vet told her that the dog kept escaping from the current owner, as he was abusive and violent. She was told as well that Tessa had an incurable tumor in her leg.

I believe she was happy for the two years she was with my parents, as she never tried to escape once. The previous owner never looked for her thankfully. He didn’t deserve such a sweet and caring dog. She could hardly walk, let alone run, poor Tessa, but she could always make everybody laugh, especially the way she was always scared of our cat!!! She would not enter the house if the cat was around and always used to hide in the garden.

I hope she feels no more pain now.

Ups and Downs

Since I have cut down my smoking (from 20 to 5), I have gone through a lot of up and downs. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. I know it sounds silly, as I haven't even stopped completely. I still feel very proud that I don't smoke at all during the day and go through my stressful job without my usual emotional crutch, and then have my 3 or 5 cigs in the evening.

I am very happy of what I have achieved and here below I want to list all the benefits of not smoking so much anymore:
1) Better skin (no more spots!)
2) Better mood
3) More energy
4) Less laziness (just a general 'wanting to keep busy' to keep my mind off smoking)
5) Better at my job (no more cigs breaks!)
6) Cooking more (see 4)


On top of all the above benefits, I have put on some weight, which it classifies as a benefit for me, as I always was too slim. I now feel more feminine, which is a great boost for my sex life as well!!

So, the only bad effect I have been having is a mild depression once in a while, especially on a Monday morning or at weekends. I suppose I can cope with that, I only hope it will go away soon, as last weekend I spent both days on the sofa watching telly, while my husband was working. The house was a mess, but I just couldn't face cleaning or tidy up. Needless to say, I felt really down.

Today I feel happy; I just have to take one day at a time, and deal with the depressions when they come, as I have learned that they always go away sooner or later!

confession

I have a confession to make: Erica is my second name - and only very few people would connect it with me.
The reason I used my second name for my blog is that I do like it a lot, but never get a chance to use it. Secondly, I was just afraid at first that people I know could possibly find and read my blog. I wanted it to be my own, I wanted to be able to talk about things freely without fear that someone I know would read it by chance.
I know I have nothing to hide, and the things I talk about are hardly secrets, but at first I didn't know how the blog would shape up and what things I would talk about. As it is, I think that I should come out!! My first name is Valentina :)

.....apologies for not being entirely straightforward regarding my name, but for everything else I have been!! I will keep using Erica though, as this is the only place that I can use it, and if I get discovered by someone I know, then I will just create another blog using my third name (Francesca) oops
xxx

My dear nephew

I have been to Italy to see my family and meet for the first time my little nephew, born only a month ago. He is so gorgeous and I miss him so much; my sister is such a good mother and she seems so confident and as if she knows what she is doing, even though he is her first child.
I hope it will be like that for me, but I can already see that I will be less of a natural! I was left alone for one hour with my nephew, to my great happiness, and I panicked a little bit when he started crying and wanted his milk...but I did cope just fine after all.
And I have even bought the vibrating chair for the baby, like the one in Sex & the City! The baby seems to love it!

Being far away from my nephew (me in London, him in Rome) I hope to be able to still be a big presence in his life, and I wish to be very close to him, not a far away auntie that only comes to visit once a year, but a cool auntie that he loves. I now go to Italy 3 times a year, so I hope it will be enough; it was sad to kiss him goodbye even though I will go back in Xmas with my husband.

All this baby business is making me broody! :)

My first driving lesson

On Saturday I had my first driving lesson. At first I felt truly petrified and the teacher had to remind me to relax. After 1 hour of driving around the square, I felt pretty relaxed and started using 2nd and 3rd gear!!

Despite the initial nervousness, I felt I really liked driving and cannot wait for my next lesson, which will be in two weeks. The only thing that worries me is the right/left problem. Here in England they drive on the left and instinctively I kept wanting to go on the right side, which is potentially very dangerous!

....so I have to remind myself, always left, always left, always left and I might just stay alive at the wheel :) and pass my test!

Turning 30

In 13 days I will be turning 30 and I feel mixed emotions. I feel slightly scared, a bit excited, maybe nervous. I never gave it a thought before, I never thought I will be nervous or scared, I have always felt too young to be worrying about age, and I am not saying that I am too worried about it now, but this has concided with the loss of my husband's dear dear grandfather. The funeral was heartbreaking and sad. I didn't know him many years, but enough years to care very much about him and I love my husband so much that his pain was my pain too.

All this makes you think about mortality and that every moment counts. I knew that already, but now I really feel it.
So, turning 30 suddenly has a whole different meaning.

A few months ago I said to myself that I had to make some changes in order to feel happy about being 30, and I started making a list of all the goals I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30, or at least make a move towards them. So, I am now going to have my first driving lesson in two weeks time (yes, I still don't have a driving licence!) and I am quitting smoking a day after my birthday.
The first thing excites me and scares me at the same time, the second thing just plainly scares me.

I have bought Alan Carr's book and I have very good intentions to read it all in one go, and I hope it will work, and in a way I am scared that it will work, if that makes sense to anybody! The last time I quit I got extremely depressed and I am worried it will happen again. I don't mind the physical symptoms, but I really did mind the depression (i only lasted two weeks). I don't want to take anti depressants, I am not against it, but I just want to make it on my own, without that sort of help. I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough to do it. But I sooo believe I am not strong enough to do it. So, it will be a tough battle and maybe I shouldn't have teamed up my quitting with my turning 30, it just makes me dread it even more.

I wish I never started and I wish I never liked it at all. And I didn't at first, but as an insecure 18 y.o. that I was, it made me feel better, more confident and more sure of myself and soon enough I was hooked. What a fool I was! If only I could cut down at least to 5 a day, I would feel great, but it's all or nothing for me. I tried, but I just couldn't.

To all the no-smokers out there, I hope to join you very soon!

Ringing

I was on the bus this morning, when suddenly it comes to my attention that somebody is not answering their phone. I can hear this ringing going on and on and on for minutes and minutes. Everybody starts looking around quite annoyed. I knew it wasn't mine, because I know my ring and that wasn't my ring (anyway, nobody would call me at 7.30am, I am far too asleep to make any sense of any conversation). As time goes by, people just get used to it, but I still find it so annoying and really look around at who could be the culprit.
Anyway, I then realize it might be an alarm clock incorporated in the phone and find it very funny that somebody doesn't realize their alarm is ringing.

Suddenly it stops with a strange blip sound, that shows that the battery on the mobile has run out..... at that instant I realize it was my phone! I felt so embarrassed, I think nobody noticed that it was me, but a guy looked at me with an annoyed face, so I think he knew.

Annoying Screamer

Every night, or nearly every night, I hear someone having sex in the apartment above me. It's becoming increasingly annoying, because the girl is a screamer! Plus they always have their window open, which helps the all neighboroughood hearing exactly every little detail.
And frankly is not hot at all in London at the moment, so no reason to leave the window open. We are still sleeping with the winter duvet!
Don't get me wrong I am happy for them, but somehow I can't see how they can be at it every single night! I have a very happy healthy sex life, but every night, come on, who does it every single night?
So, I keep thinking, they must be students, they must have just met, or something. My husband thinks I should leave the people alone, and not be bothered by it, but I think he is secretly curious about the screamer! I told him she is surely faking :)-
I am not a silent lover, but I can certainly restrain from screaming like someone is killing me, especially as I know the sweet old couple next door, would not enjoy the show, and might even call the police, especially as the walls of our apartment building are so paper-thin. The floors are so thin as well, that sometimes I am afraid I am going to end up in the apartment underneath us, if only I would jump slightly on the floor.
All this though, has brought out my very deeply buried competitive nature out and I must admit, that we are having more sex than usual!!! So, some good has come out of this after all!

Future Regrets

I have always known I get bored easily in jobs, and so I never thought I would stay 5 years in the same one! If someone told me this 10 years ago, I would not have believed them. How did I get stuck on this job?

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful I have a good job and good pay in a place where people know me and respect me and I don’t have to prove to anyone how able or experienced I am, because they already know it. But there is something missing, I feel dissatisfied, bored, and emotionally unfulfilled, and what I do helps nobody and I feel I am wasting my time.

I keep thinking I want a new challenge, a new exciting career, a career where I can make a difference for people, but then I think of my lovely wage and how it would be hard to give that up to start from the first step of the ladder again at 29. As well, I am thinking of studying a bit more, but can I really make the sacrifice of working full time and studying in my spare time? I am married, and I want to be with my husband in my spare time. Maybe have a baby in 1-2 years, so what would be the point? Should I just stay here until I feel ready to have a baby?
Or should I take my destiny in my hands and do something enjoyable and useful with my life until I am ready to have a baby?

The answer seems so obvious, but it’s still hard. I don’t want to have regrets in 10-20 years time and wished I did something different, something that I love with passion, something that would make me jump out of bed in the morning, instead of dragging myself reluctantly to the shower. But how many people have that? Not many, maybe actors, maybe teachers, or singers, or book authors, I don’t know. I wish I knew back when I was 15, what my talent was and what my passion was, so that I could have studied towards such goals….. but I didn’t know what I was good at when I was 15, I wasn’t driven by ambition and money, I was just living my life the best I knew. I am not sure I even know now what my talent is anyway. My husband says I have a big heart and that I seem happier when I help people, and I should try and do something with that.

I will make a decision soon and will keep you posted!

London under attack - again

Fear is gripping me again, after the second attacks in two weeks. Thankfully nobody got hurt, but the thought that some people are still out there trying to kill us, is so upsetting and scary. I am fed up really, we didn’t expect something to happen again, so soon after 7/7. I am now taking the bus very early in the mornings, hoping whoever wants to bomb us, won’t do it as early as 7.30. But, as yesterday attacks show, we can’t outguess the crazy criminals out there. Let’s just hope and pray that they will catch the 4 guys from yesterday and put them in jail.

MY DREAM CITY

New York..... New York.....New York.....
I have been there in February 2005 for 10 days with my husband (won the tickets through a newspaper competition:). We both loved New York so much that we want to go back very soon, but this time in the summer or at least the fall!
Find here above a photo of me in Central Park, and as you can see, it was freezing!

I had very high expectations of New York, as I have been dreaming of going there for many years, and I must say I was not disappointed in the least. It was even better than I imagined. The people we met were always so friendly, apart from a very rude subway worker, but that's another story altogether.
Once we were standing on a pavement in Greenwich Village, just looking at the beautiful houses and checking on our map what we should visit next. In the 5 minutes I was standing there, 3 different people asked for directions, and fool that I am, I tried to help with my map and soon they lost patience and left. Then a local guy approached us and asked us if we needed help or were lost.

Before this I must explain that many people have asked us if we needed help or were lost in NY, something that would never happen anywhere else, as far as my experience goes. Everybody is always in a rush and certainly doesn't have time to help tourists, unfortunately I know, as I am like that in London sometimes.

Anyway, as this guy looked so eager to help and so friendly, I decided to say yes, we needed help in finding the subway, even though it was not true. Don't ask me why, I am just too nice and hate to disappoint people :). He looked happy he could help and proceeded to describe the way to the subway, but then, an idea came to him and he asked us to follow him somewhere nearby and reassured us we could trust him. As he said this, we were not sure if we should trust him at all, but we followed him anyway. He took us in this courtyard and told us that behind an old door, there was a lovely bar called Chumley's. We all entered after him and found ourselves in this lovely bar, hidden away and unknown to most people but locals ( I then found out the bar is on every tourist guide), but that's beside the point.

What the point is that the guy just wanted us to have a good time and went out of his way to take us to a good place. Needless to say, we offered to buy him a drink, but he wasn't having it, he had to go, as he told us he narrowly escaped death that day, apparently his building burned in a fire and he was the only one to get out. He said he felt he needed to do a good deed that day and show a couple of tourist this gem of a bar. We ended up spending the all afternoon and evening in the bar and met a nice guy Matthew and all his friends and spent a lovely time with them, they were really nice guys and we had a great time drinking with them. Turns out that Matthew actually met SJP in an elevator once and he loves her as much as I do, so talked a lot about SATC and movies in general, (he is trying to be an actor and I wish him all the best luck).

So, to everybody I say I love NY and love the New Yorkers too!

A sad and terrible day

So it has happened.
I feel shocked, upset, sad, angry. First of all, I want to express my sympathies and condolences to all the families and friends that have lost someone they love, someone they will dearly miss and mourn, that everybody in our beloved city will especially mourn.

We were all waiting for it after 9/11, but it didn't happen and we all relaxed. Shouldn't have, but one has to keep on living and not worrying every day about what might or might not happen...
And so everybody just keeps on living, even today, after what happened yesterday. I know that this is the best way to get over it, to just keep on doing what you always do, and not let the terrorists win by being afraid, but I can't help it, I can't help but be afraid, I can't help but stop for a day or two
...especially after seeing the exploded bus, looking just like the bus I take every morning to work, and thinking that if it was my bus, I would have been dead, as I always sit in the back.
Can't think of taking the bus on Monday morning.

At 9.30 on the morning of the 7/07 I arrived at my office, cheerful and looking forward to my day, unaware that bombs were already exploding around and underneath my beloved city. The first I knew of it, it was when my colleague's father called from Italy asking how his daughter was, I didn't understand what he was on about, I didn't get it, the line was very bad and then he mentioned explosions and I quickly reassured him that his daughter was at the hospital getting a scan, so she would certainly be in the safest place to be.
I then logged on the internet and tried to call my husband immediately, but his mobile was switched off. I read on and told my colleague, it was just me and her in the office that morning; we were astonished and shocked, but still nothing was clear to anybody and we didn't understand what was going on, until we read about the bus exploding. That confirmed our fears that this could be a terrorist attack. I tried my husband again with no luck . He works near Liverpool Street and I was worried he was in the area. He doesn't take the underground (we both stopped taking it after 9/11) but at that point in the day, nobody knew what was going on and there were reports of three buses exploding and bombs exploding in the streets, so I was very worried about him, mainly because I just couldn't get through to him. Then I tried the landline in case he was still home, but with no luck.
We then looked around for a radio, found it and switched it on, and listened to more up to date news. They kept saying not to move and to stay where we were, and that the attacks were from terrorists, and that there were fatalities, but nobody still knew much.
Then the phones stopped working, landline and mobiles, only text and email worked, and we started receiving emails from parents, relatives, friends, still nothing from my husband.
I then tried to send him and email and a text. And finally he managed to come back to me, he was thankfully still home, not aware of anything. I said I loved him and that I was safe and that I might stay at the office until the situation was clearer.

After two hours of listening to the news and reassuring more family and friends, we decided to leave our office against police advice. We just wanted to be with our husbands and be home safe. The police interrupted all bus services and the underground was obviously closed as well, so the only way to get home was to walk, as all taxis were impossible to find.

We locked up the office and started walking with nervousness and a bit of anxiety, but we did. The streets were empty of traffic, apart from ambulances and police, and people walking and stopping at TV shops to see the latest news. There was an eerie quiet in the city, an eerie calm and it was scary to be out there. A slight drizzle rain started to come down, the sky was grey and dark, the atmosphere really surreal. We kept on walking taking small little road and avoiding big or important junction that could be targets and at one point we each went to our separate directions. I kept on walking under the rain, around me very few cars running, roads shut down, nervous police, people walking home and getting lost, walking with maps in their hands, all looking like scared and lost tourists. Then I saw two girls desperately trying to stop cars with a sign that read ''Paddington Hospital'', which is the St Mary's Hospital in Paddington, where many wounded were taken after the blast in Edgware Road tube. I thought that they were probably trying to get there as a friend or a family member was wounded and there were desperate to get there as soon as possible. I didn't see anybody stopping, but I am sure someone did sooner or later. I really hope who they were going to see is fine.

I wish everybody was fine, but some are obviously not and I feel so upset that there are wives like me, that unlike me, haven't heard from their husbands, I feel angry that some dads, husbands, wives or son or daughter will not come home and I wish I could help somebody somehow, I wish I was a doctor or a nurse or a policeman or a firemen, instead of a stupid office manager.

I just feel helpless and wish I wasn't. But this isn't about me but about the brave people that acted with calm and saved people around them, ordinary people like me, working people that were just going to work, looking forward to the weekend ahead, sitting reading their morning paper or listening to their ipods. People that have not gone back home last night and that will never go back home.

For them I say a prayer, for them I close my eyes and wish they are safe now and not suffering anymore. I wish they are angels now and look after their loved ones from up there.

All my love and prayers go to them and their families and friends in this terrible and sad time.

Quick Engagements

Well,
I have just read news about Tom Cruise's proposal. I am so happy for them, but don't they think it's a bit too early? They have only been together like two months! They are still in the honeymoon period, when everything is perfect and one never argues, and have sex like 3 times a day :), but it never lasts, reality sets in and if you are lucky, the novelty and the lust, is replaced by love, intimacy and deeper feelings.
Fine, she had his poster on her wall when she was a teenager and always dreamt of marrying the guy, but we've all done that, it doesn't mean that the man she dreamt about at 15 is really the man she is marrying. Sorry, if I feel sceptical about this, and I really care, because she always seemed to me such a sweet girl. Anyway, what do I know about anything! I only hope they can be happy for a very long time.

No other news really shocked me quite so much today.

Regarding my own life, I am feeling very very tired today, but happy as tomorrow is Saturday and I will sleep until lunchtime. The big news is that is supposed to be hot and sunny, quite a rarity in any Saturday in June ever in the history of England. So because of this quite unexpected weather we are planning to go to this new thing in London, it's called URBAN BEACH, and it's supposedly great fun, with bars and dancing and beach volley games, with sand imported from somewhere hot and put on the grass of a park in London. The only big difference from a real beach, there will be NO SEA. How can I go to a beach with no water? Is this their idea of fun? Do they know what a real beach is? Will there be a pool? Nobody knows, I guess we'll see and I will let you know next post....

100 things about me - ok maybe not 100

1) I really hate the dentist – so much that once I was so sick I had to cancel, blamed the sandwich shop for giving me food poisoning, then realized I was probably just nervous about the visit. I am currently still visiting the same sandwich shop
2) I am Italian, living in London and am married to a German
3) I can’t make good espresso coffee and I can’t stand the taste of it, but somehow I love the smell so much.
4) I hate flossing, but force myself to do it, as my hygienist is a really pushy person and I hate her nagging at me for not doing it.
5) I make myself see her every two months, so I can’t escape flossing
6) I love watching telly late at night, especially old black & white Italian movies
7) I love staying home from work and watch telly all day
8) I am obsessed with sit-coms, if I start watching an episode of something, I then need to watch all the previous series, as I have to know what happened before
9) I accidentally watched a Charmed episode from series 7 and got hooked and I am now in the middle of watching all the previous series.
10) I am starting to hate Charmed – my husband already does
11) I can speak Italian and English, I tried to learn German, my husband’s language, but I just don’t get it – it’s way too difficult
12) My husband is a German teacher, but just refuses to teach me German and I wonder why :)
13)My first concert was my first date with my husband, AC/DC at Wembley Stadium. I was 25, I know, I am a late bloomer, should have gone to a concert before!!
14) I love music, but can only listen to it if I am doing something else, like housework, or if I know the words and can sing it
15) I cannot sing at all – am just tone-deaf, but is the thing I love the most
16) I go to flamenco classes
17) I get extremely bored getting manicures and don’t like the chit-chat one has to do with the girl doing your nails – or the hairdresser doing your hair
18) I change hairdresser every single time and still haven’t found one that I actually want to talk to or that cuts my hair exactly as I want it
19) I smoke – but will quit for my 30th birthday – three months awaaaaaaaaaaaaay
20) I am only at no. 20!!!!!!! Didn’t realize, it would be so hard, do I even have 100 things?????
21) I am a terrible spender - especially love shoes, but then again I am a woman
22) My husband thinks I have too many shoes – I only have like 12 – not nearly enough for a respectable nearly-30 woman
23) I won two tickets to New York and visited for the first time in February 2005
24) My favourite city: NEW YORK
25) I am a SATC fan, and did go to Perry Street, but didn’t have a clue which house was it, until a bus load of girls and their bored boyfriends arrived!
26) My dream is to become a writer
27) I love to read and I have been known to read a book in one day
28) At work everybody knows how much I hate being talked to if I am reading my book at lunchtime
29) I especially hate when they ask me what I am reading
30) I love reading Michael Connelly’s books, so does my dad and my mum
31) I went to his signing in London – will never go to another signing – I felt like a silly teenager waiting to see their favorite actor
32) My favorite actor is Al Pacino, especially in Scent of a Woman
33) When I was little, and still every time I go to Italy, I read Donald Duck comics, but sadly they don’t sell them in England
34) I got married twice to the same man – once in the Caribbean, just me and him and once in London four months after in a church ceremony for my family
35) I was late at both ceremonies for no fault of my own – so I say to everybody
36) The photographer was late the first time and the second time my taxi didn’t turn up!!!!!! So had to flag one down with my mum and dad following and running in the street and my sister filming this hilarious scene. I finally found a lovely London cab, with Vanity Fair writing all over it.
37) I think I am a good cook, but I don’t actually love cooking
38) My husband thinks I can’t cook – he cooks most night for both of us and I since stopped protesting that I can cook ;)
39) Love summer – love winter (only when I had a proper summer) – hate English weather (as we never get a proper summer)
40) Love ice cream – but can’t stand chocolate ice cream
41) When I bought my Seven jeans in Bloomingdale I thought I wouldn’t see many people back in London with them, as they cost a fortune here, but just my luck, everybody is wearing a pair! I can’t explain this – have they all been to NY or are they all rich???
42) I am fed up now – can’t think about anything else
43) This is why I will never become a writer – I am sure I’ll get bored of my own book halfway through
44) My favourite cocktail is Cosmopolitan (of course), but can’t possibly drink more than one, or I’ll be drunk. And can anyone explain how not to spill any of it down your dress when you’ve had two and are drunk?
45) Our favorite place in NY to have a steak was The Rodeo Bar near Gramercy Park
46) If I lived in NY I would be a barmaid - not sure why, it looks like fun filling a glass with all the lovely tips and watching it grow as the night goes on and people get drunker and drunker and more generous
47) Or I would be a columnist writer like Carrie, so I could work from home - except I am not disciplined enough to work from home, I would just sleep until 11, watch telly until 2 and then maybe start doing some writing, get bored and go shopping for shoes! My career already finished before it even started :(
48) I can’t let go of my unrealizable dreams (e.g. being a barmaid in NY or a singer or a professional flamenco dancer - don't ask)
49) My husband supports all my wacky dreams and that’s why I love him, even listen to me singing, which I suspect must be unbearable
50) Ok, other 50 to go
Can I call this – 50 things about me? I really can’t think anymore, my head is spinning

LIFE IN LONDON - my first post

Well, my first post! What should I talk about? Probably why I started this blog. I had great fun reading other people's blog and I thought I should try myself . I love to write, but never have any chances really, so I thought this could be a start in that direction.

I moved to London 8 years ago when I was only 21, but I am originally from Rome, Italy. I have found here the love of my life and I have grown up so much, it's hard to imagine how different I would have been, if I never came to this island.

England is a great country, and if I could go back in time, I would come here all over again. This life experience has taught me so much and made me who I am. I look at my friends back in Italy that have never left the security of their homes and families, and I am glad I have made this move.

BUT...
I miss my family now more than ever, and miss the lovely weather and the good food and the friendly lovely people. Will I ever be able to go back one day? Me and my other half are working on it, but it might never happen. We might actually move there and then hate it, as I now have a romanticised idea of Italy, the way it was when I left and I know I won't find everything as I left it. People moves on, things change, life continues without me, whether I like it or not. And what I am left with is no nationality, am I Italian or English? Neither! I don't feel english, as I am too italian for that, and I don't feel italian anymore, as I have acquired english traits.
I feel my roots have been taken away from me and I feel I will never get them back. I am afraid that wherever I will live, it will never feel like home to me.

I hope this doesn't matter and that I can create home wherever I feel like. I can only try and be myself wherever I go, whether is Italy or London or New York, but the good thing is that I do feel at home in my husband's arms!

See ya....