5 Item Meme

I've been tagged by Pam!

5 items in my fridge
Yogurt
Tomatoes
Italian fresh gnocchi
Mozzarella
Tuna steaks

5 items in my closet
Belts and scarves I forget to wear
Summer and winter clothes all together (In London you never know!)
Old skirts I would never wear again
Bikinis
Lots of black tights everywhere

5 items in my car
(don't have a car, but if I did, this is what I would like to have in there)
Blanket
City map
Umbrella
Water
Sweets

5 items in my purse
Hairband
Book by Tess Gerritsen
Pen
A button from my jacket
My diary

I would like to tag Cheryl, Marissa and Kiki.

Have a good weekend everybody!

x

Beautiful sea

This beautiful beach here is in Cornwall and it's where we are going (in a couple of weeks time) to have three amazing days walking on the beach, relaxing, having intimate dinners, I cannot wait! Work is so stressful for both of us that sometimes we just need to get away and my choice will always include the sea. The sea relaxes me and makes me feel small and makes my problems shrink in size. Just the smell of the sea drives me crazy with longing - I just fool myself I can live without it most days here in London :)

Since I was a little girl my parents always took us to the beach and so I grew up spending up to 3 months in the summer, every single year. This was thanks to my grandfather that bought a house in Sardinia, a lovely italian island, many many years ago when it was still cheap, and so we could go there anytime and for long periods of time.

Life in Sardinia as a young girl was simple: jump out of bed, hurry up with breakfast (not too much breakfast - you would not want to wait too long before going in the sea) then rush off to the beach ahead of our parents (the beach was relatively close and the village very safe for our parents to trust us). We would spend all day there, eating italian bread with mozzarella and tomatoes for lunch, and spending every possible minute in the water. At 8pm (or as late as possible) we would go back home, tanned, full of sand and tired from the day and we couldn't wait to do it all again the next day. Shower, dinner and then bed.

As a young teenager, life by the beach slightly changed, suddenly I was sleeping longer in the mornings and arriving at the beach fashionably late like 11-12pm, to join friends there. My summer friends were special friends. We would only see each other during the summer months and every year we would all look forward to meet again, we came from all different cities in Italy and it was great to spend time with them. With them I discovered my first juke box (the song I loved to play again and again was 'Paradise City' by Guns & Roses), my first sip of an alcoholic drink
(I hated it, it was Cointreau!), my first crush and my first very best friend.
At this point I would spend very little time with my parents and my sister, and by far the only time we would spend together was dinner, as I was always rushing out after, to meet my friends down at the harbour for ice creams and gossip.

There I had my first ever kiss with my first ever boyfriend at 14 (a keyboard player from Switzerland!), and my first clubbing experience. And I could go on and on about my first experiences there, there are many and all my memories are tinged with nostalgia of the place that I could really call home. More than my own home in Rome.

Years went by, friends grew up and stopped coming, couples would form and reform, then I started coming with my steady serious boyfriends from the city, mainly to show them my home and what I was all about.

Somehow I never managed to take my husband there, my mum was always renting the house in the summer months, and we always chose to go away to different places.

I feel sad as now the house is sold, the only place I could call home, and the last time I was there, it was 5 years ago. I am not angry with my mum, she had to do what she had to do, she couldn't keep up with it anymore, it was an old house and she would have needed lots of money to refurbish it.

That's why, wherever I go, I always look for the sea, hoping that the smell has the strength to take me back home, if only for a few moments.

Failed again!!!! Grrr!!

I failed again at my driving test! This time I was taking it very relaxed because I didn't want to be too nervous, instead once I was at the wheel I was twice more nervous than last time.
They failed me because I went at 30 mph in a road where I should have gone at 60 mph. And they failed me as well because I was waiting behind the buses if they stopped at the bus stops instead of going around them and overtake them!! I did overtake a couple of times but only when necessary and when safe.

All I was trying to do was to drive safely and with no rush. Where does it say that I have to go at the maximum speed required??? Can I not go at whatever speed I like? Fine, I understand if I was going at 10 mph but I was doing 30 mhp which is the limit in all of the city of London! How was I to know the examiner was taking me to a country road? If I was driving on my own I would have surely gone faster, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to fail again! I am ranting now, sorry, I am still so upset and it happened nearly two weeks ago.

The next exam is on the 2nd May at 2.30pm Greenwich time, please please pray for me to get it right this time! Hopefully I will be third time lucky!!

All I hope is that I don't get the same examiner, I really didn't like him. He made sure he told me I failed half way through the test, when he should have waited until the end. What a horrible man.

Flathunting

We have decided to move!! Yeah! I am so happy. Every time we move we want to get something nicer, I for once want a DISHWASHER! It doesn't fit in our current kitchen unfortunately. Then I would love a roof terrace or a nice size balcony, where we can have breakfast in the summer on a Sunday morning!
We want top floor as well, as we had enough trouble with our past and current upstairs neighbours to ever want people above us.......never never again.

..but London is so expensive and we hope to find what we want at the price we want! Sometimes spending all the money in rent, it makes me angry and mad, I wish I could have my own little house with a mortgage and pay that off instead. My husband thinks is crazy to buy in London, and he is probably right as a good size flat costs about 300 thousand pounds, plus we might move away in a couple of years, maybe Italy.
Why are the prices so unaffordable? We both have very good jobs, and earn a good salary, but what we want where we want is just a distant dream.

...so back to renting for now!

Sorry: you have failed!

I am just recovering from my driving exam. I took it last Friday and have failed miserably.

I drove very well for most part of the exam, but then made a silly mistake, which failed me. I felt so upset, as I was only following his instructions and should have realised the examiner was trying to trick me.

I am know trying to book another exam and feel already nervous. What if I fail again? Failing once it's even acceptable (in the UK only 42% pass the first time), but failing twice will make me so upset and even more miserable.

..but I will never give up, even if it takes ten exams, and I refuse to give up after all the time and money spent learning. Will let you know how it goes! It should happen in 4 weeks time.

:)

5 Apartments and 3 jobs

I don't want to sound like a mad on-line stalker or anything like that but....

Me and my hubby have just come back from a lovely dinner and we ended up on the internet. I just read him Mindi's post (http://braveworldnyc.blogspot.com/) called Threshold and he was moved to tears as well as she writes so beautifully that anyone would have the same reaction. Please read her blog every day as she is the one that inspired me to start writing mine.
After I read her blog, I just had to try and I know that even though I will never write as good as her, I can only try.

Her posts can be about anything or everything, but she still would keep you coming back for more.

She is a great writer and a great girl!
Thank you Mindi for inspiring me.

A long and eventful month

Sorry for my long absence, I have been having a tough time lately and didn't have time to even write about it.
First was the pre-Xmas period, when I was extremely busy at work, didn't have time for anything, then Xmas time with my husband - peace finally.
Since we have been back at work, we have had an attempted mugging, a bad injury, a 'near' car accident and a pregnancy scare!!
First my husband got mugged by two guys on a scooter, or at least they tried to. They came from behind on the pavement to steal his briefcase, but he held on so tight, despite the sudden shock, and he was able to get the briefcase back from their lap. He then ran in the first shop to call the police and try to catch those guys, but with no luck, they were long gone.
I think it was very brave of him to get his briefcase back from them, but at the same time maybe quite risky, you never know what can happen.
He said that, in a split second, he felt he had a chance to grab it back and he just had to do it. I feel extremely proud of him.
Even the police congratulated him, I think they were happy that for once the good people got the upper hand!!

The week after I tripped and badly fell on the pavement on my hands and knees.
I was flat out on the street at 8am in the morning for about two minutes, in utter pain, and nobody, and I really mean nobody, stopped and helped me. They actually went around and past me to get to the tube (our subway!), just like I was a sack of garbage. The pain was excruciating and I had to try twice to get up, as my knees were just giving up at first. I tried to make my way underground to get some help or just seat down and catch my breath, but I was just so in shock and in so much disbelief that I just kept going until I got out of the tube on my way to the office. At that point I called my husband and started crying my eyes out as I could barely stand up on my legs, that much was the pain.
I cried and cried on the phone, while my husband was doing an excellent job of keeping me from screaming out and then I reached my office and got my workmates to help me in a taxi and take me to the ER. I ended up with massive swollen and bruised knees, but not much else thankfully.
What really upset me is that nobody even stopped to help me get up or to ask me if I was okay. I always do that to others.

In the middle of all this, I am late by two weeks. I have done a pregnancy test last week, but still no sign of 'it'. To be honest, we would be extremely happy if I was pregnant, but we just weren't counting on happening just yet!
Anyway, the last but not least scare is when, in one of my driving lessons, I nearly ran over a homeless drunken man that jumped in front of my car as I was doing 30 miles per hour. I know, I wasn't going fast, so I was able to slow down just in time, but, trust me, it wasn't pleasant!

So much for a peaceful start of the year!

That's it folks!!

That's my very eventful month, sorry about the lengthy post.....but it was a while since my last!

Age

Don’t I look 30 years old?


Every time someone asks my age and I say 30 y.o., they understand 40! My Italian accent really lets me down in this instance.
Then they say: ‘but you don’t look 40 at all!!!
‘Well of course I don’t, I am THIRTY’.

By this point, they feel very embarrassed and wish they could disappear, while I feel very stupid. I know I don’t look 40, but just the thought that it’s not sooo absurd to people that I might be 40 upsets me.
I only hope that when I am 40, I will look like I am 30!!!

My husband saved me though when he said that I still look the same to him as the day he met me, when I was 25 years old.
Which is sweet, very sweet, but probably not true. :)

Night terrors

Yesterday I woke up in the middle of the night, my heart was racing and I was so scared for some unknown reason. The first thing I did was to check on my husband's breathing, I am not sure why, but in that moment it was my first instinct. When I was sure he was ok, I got up and switched on all the lights in our flat and looked around everywhere.
I knew nobody could possibly have entered the house, but somehow I couldn't go back to sleep if I didn't check.
As soon as I did this and went back to bed, my heart went back down to a normal rhythm.
This has never happened to me before and I am not sure what did happen. I didn't have a bad dream, I didn't eat or drink anything that would have made my heart race so much or wake me up so suddenly in the middle of the night.
I am not sure what it was, but I was so scared like I never have been before in my life. Somehow I felt a negative presence in the house and I couldn't explain it any other way.
I am trying to rationalize this, but I cannot come up with any rational explanation.
I hope I can sleep tonight!

blah blah

My latest addiction on telly is :
The Ultimate Love Test!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously, could I choose a more silly programme? I am 30 years old, I should be ashamed of myself. Still, it's fun to watch. I usually follow:
ER
Desperate Housewives
Charmed
The OC

I know, I know, some of the above are aimed at a teenagers audience! In my defense, I am missing Friends and SATC and I am currently trying to replace them desperately. I know it isn't going to work.

I better get on with some work, before my boss catches me on the internet!
:)

Tessa

I just learned that my mum’s dog had to be put down yesterday. Her name was Tessa. My mum found her in the streets and took her home when the vet told her that the dog kept escaping from the current owner, as he was abusive and violent. She was told as well that Tessa had an incurable tumor in her leg.

I believe she was happy for the two years she was with my parents, as she never tried to escape once. The previous owner never looked for her thankfully. He didn’t deserve such a sweet and caring dog. She could hardly walk, let alone run, poor Tessa, but she could always make everybody laugh, especially the way she was always scared of our cat!!! She would not enter the house if the cat was around and always used to hide in the garden.

I hope she feels no more pain now.

Ups and Downs

Since I have cut down my smoking (from 20 to 5), I have gone through a lot of up and downs. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. I know it sounds silly, as I haven't even stopped completely. I still feel very proud that I don't smoke at all during the day and go through my stressful job without my usual emotional crutch, and then have my 3 or 5 cigs in the evening.

I am very happy of what I have achieved and here below I want to list all the benefits of not smoking so much anymore:
1) Better skin (no more spots!)
2) Better mood
3) More energy
4) Less laziness (just a general 'wanting to keep busy' to keep my mind off smoking)
5) Better at my job (no more cigs breaks!)
6) Cooking more (see 4)


On top of all the above benefits, I have put on some weight, which it classifies as a benefit for me, as I always was too slim. I now feel more feminine, which is a great boost for my sex life as well!!

So, the only bad effect I have been having is a mild depression once in a while, especially on a Monday morning or at weekends. I suppose I can cope with that, I only hope it will go away soon, as last weekend I spent both days on the sofa watching telly, while my husband was working. The house was a mess, but I just couldn't face cleaning or tidy up. Needless to say, I felt really down.

Today I feel happy; I just have to take one day at a time, and deal with the depressions when they come, as I have learned that they always go away sooner or later!

confession

I have a confession to make: Erica is my second name - and only very few people would connect it with me.
The reason I used my second name for my blog is that I do like it a lot, but never get a chance to use it. Secondly, I was just afraid at first that people I know could possibly find and read my blog. I wanted it to be my own, I wanted to be able to talk about things freely without fear that someone I know would read it by chance.
I know I have nothing to hide, and the things I talk about are hardly secrets, but at first I didn't know how the blog would shape up and what things I would talk about. As it is, I think that I should come out!! My first name is Valentina :)

.....apologies for not being entirely straightforward regarding my name, but for everything else I have been!! I will keep using Erica though, as this is the only place that I can use it, and if I get discovered by someone I know, then I will just create another blog using my third name (Francesca) oops
xxx

My dear nephew

I have been to Italy to see my family and meet for the first time my little nephew, born only a month ago. He is so gorgeous and I miss him so much; my sister is such a good mother and she seems so confident and as if she knows what she is doing, even though he is her first child.
I hope it will be like that for me, but I can already see that I will be less of a natural! I was left alone for one hour with my nephew, to my great happiness, and I panicked a little bit when he started crying and wanted his milk...but I did cope just fine after all.
And I have even bought the vibrating chair for the baby, like the one in Sex & the City! The baby seems to love it!

Being far away from my nephew (me in London, him in Rome) I hope to be able to still be a big presence in his life, and I wish to be very close to him, not a far away auntie that only comes to visit once a year, but a cool auntie that he loves. I now go to Italy 3 times a year, so I hope it will be enough; it was sad to kiss him goodbye even though I will go back in Xmas with my husband.

All this baby business is making me broody! :)

My first driving lesson

On Saturday I had my first driving lesson. At first I felt truly petrified and the teacher had to remind me to relax. After 1 hour of driving around the square, I felt pretty relaxed and started using 2nd and 3rd gear!!

Despite the initial nervousness, I felt I really liked driving and cannot wait for my next lesson, which will be in two weeks. The only thing that worries me is the right/left problem. Here in England they drive on the left and instinctively I kept wanting to go on the right side, which is potentially very dangerous!

....so I have to remind myself, always left, always left, always left and I might just stay alive at the wheel :) and pass my test!

Turning 30

In 13 days I will be turning 30 and I feel mixed emotions. I feel slightly scared, a bit excited, maybe nervous. I never gave it a thought before, I never thought I will be nervous or scared, I have always felt too young to be worrying about age, and I am not saying that I am too worried about it now, but this has concided with the loss of my husband's dear dear grandfather. The funeral was heartbreaking and sad. I didn't know him many years, but enough years to care very much about him and I love my husband so much that his pain was my pain too.

All this makes you think about mortality and that every moment counts. I knew that already, but now I really feel it.
So, turning 30 suddenly has a whole different meaning.

A few months ago I said to myself that I had to make some changes in order to feel happy about being 30, and I started making a list of all the goals I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30, or at least make a move towards them. So, I am now going to have my first driving lesson in two weeks time (yes, I still don't have a driving licence!) and I am quitting smoking a day after my birthday.
The first thing excites me and scares me at the same time, the second thing just plainly scares me.

I have bought Alan Carr's book and I have very good intentions to read it all in one go, and I hope it will work, and in a way I am scared that it will work, if that makes sense to anybody! The last time I quit I got extremely depressed and I am worried it will happen again. I don't mind the physical symptoms, but I really did mind the depression (i only lasted two weeks). I don't want to take anti depressants, I am not against it, but I just want to make it on my own, without that sort of help. I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough to do it. But I sooo believe I am not strong enough to do it. So, it will be a tough battle and maybe I shouldn't have teamed up my quitting with my turning 30, it just makes me dread it even more.

I wish I never started and I wish I never liked it at all. And I didn't at first, but as an insecure 18 y.o. that I was, it made me feel better, more confident and more sure of myself and soon enough I was hooked. What a fool I was! If only I could cut down at least to 5 a day, I would feel great, but it's all or nothing for me. I tried, but I just couldn't.

To all the no-smokers out there, I hope to join you very soon!

Ringing

I was on the bus this morning, when suddenly it comes to my attention that somebody is not answering their phone. I can hear this ringing going on and on and on for minutes and minutes. Everybody starts looking around quite annoyed. I knew it wasn't mine, because I know my ring and that wasn't my ring (anyway, nobody would call me at 7.30am, I am far too asleep to make any sense of any conversation). As time goes by, people just get used to it, but I still find it so annoying and really look around at who could be the culprit.
Anyway, I then realize it might be an alarm clock incorporated in the phone and find it very funny that somebody doesn't realize their alarm is ringing.

Suddenly it stops with a strange blip sound, that shows that the battery on the mobile has run out..... at that instant I realize it was my phone! I felt so embarrassed, I think nobody noticed that it was me, but a guy looked at me with an annoyed face, so I think he knew.

Annoying Screamer

Every night, or nearly every night, I hear someone having sex in the apartment above me. It's becoming increasingly annoying, because the girl is a screamer! Plus they always have their window open, which helps the all neighboroughood hearing exactly every little detail.
And frankly is not hot at all in London at the moment, so no reason to leave the window open. We are still sleeping with the winter duvet!
Don't get me wrong I am happy for them, but somehow I can't see how they can be at it every single night! I have a very happy healthy sex life, but every night, come on, who does it every single night?
So, I keep thinking, they must be students, they must have just met, or something. My husband thinks I should leave the people alone, and not be bothered by it, but I think he is secretly curious about the screamer! I told him she is surely faking :)-
I am not a silent lover, but I can certainly restrain from screaming like someone is killing me, especially as I know the sweet old couple next door, would not enjoy the show, and might even call the police, especially as the walls of our apartment building are so paper-thin. The floors are so thin as well, that sometimes I am afraid I am going to end up in the apartment underneath us, if only I would jump slightly on the floor.
All this though, has brought out my very deeply buried competitive nature out and I must admit, that we are having more sex than usual!!! So, some good has come out of this after all!

Future Regrets

I have always known I get bored easily in jobs, and so I never thought I would stay 5 years in the same one! If someone told me this 10 years ago, I would not have believed them. How did I get stuck on this job?

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful I have a good job and good pay in a place where people know me and respect me and I don’t have to prove to anyone how able or experienced I am, because they already know it. But there is something missing, I feel dissatisfied, bored, and emotionally unfulfilled, and what I do helps nobody and I feel I am wasting my time.

I keep thinking I want a new challenge, a new exciting career, a career where I can make a difference for people, but then I think of my lovely wage and how it would be hard to give that up to start from the first step of the ladder again at 29. As well, I am thinking of studying a bit more, but can I really make the sacrifice of working full time and studying in my spare time? I am married, and I want to be with my husband in my spare time. Maybe have a baby in 1-2 years, so what would be the point? Should I just stay here until I feel ready to have a baby?
Or should I take my destiny in my hands and do something enjoyable and useful with my life until I am ready to have a baby?

The answer seems so obvious, but it’s still hard. I don’t want to have regrets in 10-20 years time and wished I did something different, something that I love with passion, something that would make me jump out of bed in the morning, instead of dragging myself reluctantly to the shower. But how many people have that? Not many, maybe actors, maybe teachers, or singers, or book authors, I don’t know. I wish I knew back when I was 15, what my talent was and what my passion was, so that I could have studied towards such goals….. but I didn’t know what I was good at when I was 15, I wasn’t driven by ambition and money, I was just living my life the best I knew. I am not sure I even know now what my talent is anyway. My husband says I have a big heart and that I seem happier when I help people, and I should try and do something with that.

I will make a decision soon and will keep you posted!

London under attack - again

Fear is gripping me again, after the second attacks in two weeks. Thankfully nobody got hurt, but the thought that some people are still out there trying to kill us, is so upsetting and scary. I am fed up really, we didn’t expect something to happen again, so soon after 7/7. I am now taking the bus very early in the mornings, hoping whoever wants to bomb us, won’t do it as early as 7.30. But, as yesterday attacks show, we can’t outguess the crazy criminals out there. Let’s just hope and pray that they will catch the 4 guys from yesterday and put them in jail.