Inspiration

Don't have a clue what to write today - I am bored, utterly bored, sitting at my desk, surfing the internet all day (my boss is on holiday). I know I should do some work, but there isn't much to do and that little there is, I just can't be bothered to do it. All year I long for August so that I can relax at work and not do anything, but every year I then get so incredibly bored that I end up working anyway.

3 hours 1/2 to go until I get out of this dark horrible basement where I work (it's a furniture showroom) - the walls are painted a horrible shade of green/gray, my desk is blindingly white and the spotlight above is cooking my brain on a daily basis - the rest of the place has hardly any lights - they call it ''ambience''. They don't care that people actually work here - all they care is how the place looks.. Well the place looks sh*t. It's depressing and makes me feel sleepy. Plus it's just me and the boss down here - you can hear me breathing, that's how silent this place is. You can hear me munching my lunch at my desk (yes there is a kitchen where one could eat, as long as one doesn't mind eating while standing) - I hate it. The others are upstairs and they hate it too, but for different reasons. And it's freezing in the winter, even with the heating at full blast.

You must think I am mad to stay here - but hear me out..the place is horrible, but the people I work with are really nice, and even my boss is ok after all. The pay is really good for what I do - I am admired and respected by everybody, clients and colleagues, and I have lots of freedom. I come in late twice - three times a week, nobody says anything, and I have 26 vacations days, which is pretty good by any standard. It sounds like I don't do any work, but I actually work really hard and that's why I get to do what I want and I get respect and admiration. I feel I should actually say I USED to work really hard, as I must admit that the past few months I haven't cared at all, at least not as much as I used to for 5 long years. I keep doing the minimum necessary and hope I get away with it..

I feel like I am still relying on that respect gained earlier in the years, to excuse any mistake that happens and lately my mistakes are happening a lot more.
People excuse me because they know how good I am and everything, but it ain't going to last forever!

It sounds horrible, I know, and that is just not me, I have a very strong work ethic and I usually always loved working hard, so I really don't know what is going on with me. Then sometimes the guilt gets the better of me and I work hard for a few days, but then the low comes back again, and so it goes up and down, highs and lows. I wonder if it is the job or just me? Maybe I am unconsciously sabotaging this job?

AHHHHH! I think I need another job or another me!