It's a.....

BABY GIRL!!!!!! She is healthy, active and looks beautiful! Sorry for the delay in announcing the news, I was away to see my family in Italy straight after. We are over the moon that everything looks as it should be and she is growing perfectly.

We are thinking of calling her Jade, my husband chose the name and I love it very much. She has been kicking like crazy and I cannot wait to cuddle her and kiss her. I still can't believe it. The next step is the birth really, just three months to go!!! Getting a little nervous about it, but I try not to worry too much, as billions of women have been through it and I am sure I will cope somehow. And at the end of the pain, there will be so much joy that no words can describe.

Pain and joy

On Thursday at 9.30am I have an ultrasound and we cannot wait to find out the sex of the baby, my husband thinks it's a boy, but I am not so sure. Either way we will be over the moon to watch him/her on the screen and check out that he is healthy and active. The little one has been kicking me for a while now and it's the most amazing feeling, better than anything in the world. I can't wait to meet the baby, but also I am fully enjoying this period in my life, as it is so precious and I feel very lucky.
Unfortunately there has been some trouble as I have been having a horrible time with my teeth and gums. I have had an ongoing infection since few weeks ago and a wisdom tooth that needs to come out, but the dentist wants to wait after the pregnancy to do the extraction.
In the meantime though I had to take antibiotics and painkillers to get the infection out. Now I got a root canal done on another tooth to try and see if that was what started the infection. Nobody seems to know much about what to do and I have been so scared with the medicine they gave me, they said they are safe in pregnancy, but medicine is medicine and I would have preferred not to take anything at all. I stopped smoking and drinking because I wanted to give the best start in life to my little one and then filling him with medicine and local anesthetic just got me so angry! I had to do it as they said the infection is worse for both of us, but it has been an agonizing time.
So the pain has been with me for nearly 4 weeks now, with brief relief in between, and I have gone through some horrible days when I had wanted to rip all my teeth out of my mouth. If any of you has ever had any tootache or abscess, then you know exactly what I mean. I feel better now and every day hope increases that I will be fine but at the same time I am just so scared that the infection will come back again (as it has twice already).
The dentist says that if we can hold on until the end of the pregnancy, then everything will be okay. Afterwards he will take care of it without having to worry about harming the baby.

So today is a good day and the pain is bearable, still in the background, but nothing I can't cope with. I feel optimistic and every time I feel a kick, it fills me with joy that makes me forget any pain in the world.

I will update you on Thursday!!!

Shining Through

I am back from my long long break! So many things have happened but the biggest one is that, as you might notice from my new picture, I am pregnant!!!
I am expecting our first baby and I am very excited and over the moon. Currently I am 5 months along and the baby is due in February 2008.

It was a planned pregnancy for Christmas, so it was a surprise that it happened now but we guessed that the baby didn't want to wait that long and wanted to come out earlier! We believe it's a boy, but we have no proof apart from our instinct. On Oct 11th we will find out the sex and we cannot wait.

Many welcome changes have happened in my life because of this pregnancy. The biggest one was quitting smoking, I did it as soon as I found out and was the best thing I could have ever done in my life but also the hardest. I was not smoking much at all to begin with but I missed it so much at first and temptation was strong, but thinking of what it could do to the little one inside me, helped me resist all urges. So today I am proudly free of the demon drug. I want to thank my husband for going through some terrible weeks during my withdrawals (I was an hysterical nervous wreck). Just imagine, pregnant, quitting smoking and Italian! Too much for any man to cope with! But he has and I am very proud of him.

The pregnancy so far has gone great, fingers crossed. I will keep any of you still out there updated about my progress, but I will try and not make this blog only about pregnancy and babies, promise!! Even though that's all I can think about now, I know it can get too much!

Time Out

I am back from my very long break. I am sorry about my silence but I have been very busy looking for a new home for us. We had our notice to leave our home by the end of June and I was frantically searching for a new place in time. We have now found a lovely home in Greenwich and we cannot wait to move and start our new life.

Also I must admit I have been thinking about closing my blog, or maybe just taking a break from it. I just don't feel inspired at the moment and I feel that it would deserve much more time that I actually have available. At one point it felt like a chore, like something I have to do rather than something I enjoy. I won't stop though, I will just take a time out for a while and see how I feel.

But please keep checking once in a while, as I might find my inspiration back again!

Thank you for your wonderful support and encouragement in everything I have done and been through, I will always keep reading your blogs my dear lovely bloggers friends!

Home

I am listening to my Italian music and travelling back in time. It feels great to just give in to the nostalgia and be transported for one afternoon back to Italy, back to Rome.
I miss the sunshine, I miss the ice creams in the afternoon, the rides on the Vespa on a Sunday on our way to the center.

I miss Rome and its effortless beauty.

I miss the streets with its shops and its fountains and the people laughing and walking around on a summer evening. I miss our river, the Tiber, so slow and beautiful, the red sunset, the romance of it all. The red wine and the pizza, the air, the smell and the atmosphere of a beautiful city.
I remember the afternoons on the Pincio, from where you can see all the roofs of Rome. I remember the mornings skipping school, just hanging out in the streets, with nowhere to go, nothing to do but just exist. Sitting down on a bench just writing my diary.
The Colosseum, at the time a daily sight, now more special than anything. The Angel castle, St Peters, the cobbled streets, the churches, Trastevere, Porta Portese, all routine, now unattainable nostalgic dreams.
Rome, just the name evokes memories so strong they hurt. I was last in Rome in December, the sun was shining, I was driving a car for the first time in the city and everything felt just so right, every corner, every street felt like home. Every person felt like a friend, every building, every monument, every bus or every traffic light, felt so mine.
London is beautiful, but Rome...Rome is just it. There is no possible comparison. The feeling of love towards my city it's like an impossible love.
I cannot live there, it's crazy, the place is too expensive, there are no jobs, it's the most chaotic city on earth, the transport, the dirt, it's just too much. But take away the need to work or rent a place or travel on a deadline, and yes, it's the perfect place.
I don't mean to make it sound horrible, but if you do work there, it can be very stressful. At least it can if you want to be at work on time.
The traffic is outrageous, and the metro is nonexistent, the buses a joke.
But.....when you do go out and just enjoy the city with nowhere to go or nowhere to be, that's when you really take it all in and live it to the maximum. So maybe Rome is an holiday place, and that's what it will always be for me. My home, my holiday.

And that's how I can really love it so much. I doubt I would if I was there every day with the daily frustrations. So, if you are away from home, do give in to the occasional afternoon of nostalgia, but also think that you have changed and that maybe home is what you make, home is where you are growing up now and that home is just in your heart. And wherever you go, you are your home, you are the most important factor. It's not about the places where you were happier, BUT you make the places the happiest. So wherever you are, even far from 'home' just make the best of it, because maybe home is not home anymore.

Happy Birthday Mamma!

Just wanted to dedicated a post to my mum, as today is her birthday!

Her name is Barbara and she has been a wonderful mum throughout my 31 years of age and I couldn't have been the person I am now without her guidance, her love, her advice and her strong belief in me.

I couldn't have managed to move to a different country without all that she has taught me and she has been incredibly brave in letting me go even though she knew she would miss me terribly and still does.

I miss you too mum, but the distance has made our relationship even more special.

Happy Birthday Mum! Buon Compleanno Mamma!!
xxxx

My first short story

As you might know, I love writing and my dream is to write a book. So a couple of months ago I started writing one, just to try, just to see what would come out.
I quickly realised that maybe I should start with short stories....it just seemed a gigantic task to write a book and I didn't feel ready for it I think. So, I changed genre and format and I ended up writing a thriller story. I wrote it in a week, mainly in the evenings before falling asleep and after a few days I was satisfied with the ending and showed it proudly to my husband. He loved it and proofread it for me, my grammar is not always up to scratch, and I left it at that.

After a few days, I didn't really know what to do with it, I wanted to share it with other people to see what they thought, and I decided to browse the Internet for websites about short stories and came across a short story competition. It was free to enter and so I thought, why not! There wasn't a cash prize, not that I hoped to win anything, but if you got into the top twenty your story would be published in a printed booklet.

So I sent out the story, and after 4 weeks I got an email on Friday from the editor:

'Congratulations! Your story has made it into the top twenty entries this month!'

I was over the moon! I could not believe it, I smiled and smiled until my cheeks were hurting! The booklet will arrive in the post in a couple of days and it doesn't matter that it's probably just a piece of A5 paper strung together, I will still be so happy to see my words printed!! I share this booklet with the other top entries - I can't wait to read their stories!

My story is not published on the website, only printed in the booklet, but if you want to check it out and you are into this genre, you can do so at the following link:

Revenge

I can't wait now to start on my next story!

Hey Mr Deejay

I just had the craziest day yesterday. I work in the shopping district in London, what one calls the West End and I often hear about all the designers coming out with their collection in H&M or TopShop or wherever, on such and such day, but I never bother going because I just hate the running around, fighting girls over a certain dress, elbowing each other just to get the latest fashion.

So I never went to those things, but going to work yesterday, I remembered that the Madonna collection was coming out that day at H&M. I walk by that store every day on my way to work, so I thought it can't hurt to have a look inside.
I get there and there is music blaring out of the shop - 'Music' by Madonna, which is one of my favourites, is played by two trendy deejays.
I enter the shop, following the music like in a trance. The collection is downstairs, but I see nobody on the escalator and looking down there are lots of paparazzi, so I wait, unsure of what to do, which must have looked so silly. Then I see a couple of girls taking the plunge, and so I get on the escalator.
As I start looking around the collection I quickly grab some items in my size like if I was possessed, and I especially fall in love with a short leather jacket. Everything is black, white or beige, very elegant, very chic, well, very Madonna I think.
Shoes, bags, sunglasses, belts, dresses, all sorts of everything.

It was 9.30 and I was 30 minutes late for work. But never mind, I had to try the clothes. So, I ended up deciding on the leather jacket, which is to die for and I want to wear it every day for the rest of my life, and a black and white jersey dress.
On my way to the till, I am surprised to spot my lovely colleague S.! We have been working together for 5 years and are very good friends, on the same wavelength so to speak. She sees me at the same time and we start laughing: 'You too here?!!' So we began browsing the racks once more, worried that this could be our last chance before everything is sold out.

Well, I ended up also buying 2 shiny black belts, one skinny, one large and one silk foulard with the Madonna logo.
She got three dresses and also a foulard.

At the till, we told the sales assistant that we were skipping work to be there and she laughed, we felt like 16 years old girls skipping school for a day of shopping!
At the end we arrived at the office at 10am, so not even that late, but we decided to stroll in separately and that I was going to hold the bags, as her client was waiting for her and she did not want him to see she was late because of the shopping. Of course all this was possible because our boss was on holiday.

Today is Friday, I am wearing my new jacket and it's a super super day.

Nostalgic afternoon

I have found my favourite cartoon from the '80's! Have a look, it's hilarious. It's a Japanese cartoon dubbed in Italian called Hello Spank. This is the title song. Isn't he cute?

I used to watch a lot of Japanese cartoons when I was a kid, as that's what they showed at the time on telly, it brings back many memories of happy times!

What are your props?

I recently read a book about dependency and addictions in general, as I was very interested about the psychology of it all. I have always considered myself to have an addictive personality and so I wanted to explore what it all meant.

I found out many interesting factors but most importantly the book explained that sometimes we substitute one addiction with another. I started wondering what will I substitute my addiction to cigarettes with. I have successfully managed to cut down from 20 a day to 5 a day since one year and half ago, when I turned 30, and at Christmas I will be quitting for good. We will start trying for a baby and so smoking will come to a natural end.

I also wondered about the people around me and what their addictions are and even if they have any. Some people appear to have no addictions or compulsions at all and I can't help but admire them. Take my sister for example, she doesn't drink or smoke, she works a lot, she has one kid, pregnant with her second, she cleans the house every day and cooks like Martha Stewart, she is not too attached to telly or books, even though she enjoys both, she doesn't own a computer, so we can rule out the Internet, she doesn't overspend, but actually is a great saver, so what does she have? Is she superwoman?

I hope to one day become a good mother and a good cook like she is, but I know I will always need props. Props is what the book talked about in terms of addictions. It explained that addictions are like props, props to help us in this life, to make us forget that we don't know why we are here, and that we don't know where we are going once we die. There are healthy props and unhealthy props. I hope to give up the unhealthy ones, but it is a difficult process, to walk unaided, without crutches, because that's what my props are, just crutches to help me walk in this life. Why can I not walk without? I don't know.

My props at the moment are telly, books and cigarettes. One has to go for sure, the other two can stay, as long as they don't become compulsive and take over my life.

Can you walk without crutches and if not, what are your props?

Moving Home and Moving On

We are moving! Well, I sound happy, but it was not such a happy news at first. Our landlord called us and told us that he is selling the flat where we currently live, in Shoreditch.

Shoreditch is a lovely area of London which is most famous for his multitude of bars, restaurants and clubs. There is very little green, but lots of trendy bars. It is extremely close to the financial centre of London, the City, so our neighbours are a mix of trendy but poor artists or wealthy stockbrokers. We have always loved the bohemian feel with the art galleries and the mix of different people and the exciting night life, that as a young couple with no kids, we have been experiencing quite often.

We would have stayed here until the big move to Paris, but as we have no other choice, we have to move and we have decided to change area as we are completely fed up with the nightlife and the indulgence of boozy afternoons sitting in the sunshine outside our local pub. We want proper parks and proper family neighboroughood, we want a garden and a barbecue and a supermarket nearby. We want walks by the river and romantic dinners, we want an occasional evening in a no-smoking pub with our friends and their kids, we want to finally be a grown up couple and realise that maybe, finally, the party is over.

And it feels just about the right time. So, after researching and researching, we have settled on Greenwich, a lovely neighboroughood by the river Thames in the South East of London, with a massive beautiful park, a charming market, and a high street with a village-feel. The little fishing and surf shops just add to the charms of this 'wannabe small town', but still with the feeling of a big city.
Here is an example:

The Cutty Sark


Greenwich Park


So the search has begun for the perfect place to rent! So, if you happen to live in Greenwich and want to rent out your house, you have 3 bedrooms and a lovely garden, drop us a line!

Awards Fever

The Oscars are happening this Sunday and I cannot wait. Unfortunately over here they will show them Sunday night starting from midnight because of the time difference, so I would have to stay up all night and not go to work the next day, to watch them live....which is something I am very tempted to do.

I hope Martin Scorsese will finally get an Oscar for Best Director, he never won and I think he really deserves to win. What about Best Movie? I have not seen any of the nominated movies so far, but Babel seems quite good, and for me Brad Pitt always helps wanting to watch a movie!

Talking of awards, I don't want to feel left out and so I cheekily ask you to nominate my blog for the BRIT BLOG AWARDS 2007!!!!
Only if you really really think I should be nominated of course....

This is the link you need:
Brit Blog Awards 2007

I don't care about winning, (as that's never likely to happen), but just to be nominated would be a nice accomplishment.

So many thanks for any vote!!

This and That

I have been given the all clear on Friday, so I am really happy! I must explain more about it in another post, it was a stressful and crazy time, as we went to Paris to have the specialist visit. Left Friday AM and came back Saturday PM. Now I must rush, my boss should be back any second, thanks for your comments about the blogging!

When & Where do you do it?

I do it at work, as soon as I arrive in the office after checking the gossips on Perez Hilton and in between quite periods when my boss has left for meetings!! So, I am always on the look out and worrying about people discovering my daytime activity: BLOGGING!

Yes, sometimes I will also blog at home on a Friday evening at midnight with a glass of wine and my hubby out with his mates or sleeping on the sofa. That is the most fun, as I feel always very inspired with a glass of wine, but sometimes the next day, looking at my drunken post, I realise that maybe drinking and writing, not such a good idea. Not so dangerous as drinking and driving, but likely to be just as shameful.

Now it's Thursday 3pm and my boss is out for a meeting, he is due back at any time. Can I finish this post before he does come back? Hopefully, if not I won't get a chance to finish it until later on today or even Sunday. That's why my frequency of posts is completely random, sometimes 3 in a week, sometimes 1 in every 10 days. It just depends from how much time I have available.

Once I get home, there is no time, one has to do so many other things! What am I going to do when I have kids? When am I going to find the time?? How does my sister do it? She works part time, she has a 1 year old baby, she cooks wonderful dinners, she bakes and she cleans and she manages even to watch Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I barely manage to keep the house clean and keep up with my blogging...

So, when and where do you do it?

On a different note, tomorrow I am going to see a specialist in France, about this, so I hope to be posting good news on Sunday when I am back!

Snowy Big Ben

Here is the Big Ben after the snow storm yesterday! Unfortunately today all the snow has turned into ice and nothing is white anymore....just grey and rainy.




Anyway, it is Friday finally and I wish you all a fun and happy weekend.

The Big Freeze

Never mind global warming: the big freezing winter has now officially started in London. So there is me wearing a duvet-like coat and not 1 but 2 jumpers, one with a high neck collar, a big scarf and gloves.
Then there are some women and girls that seem to not care about the cold, just so they can go out with no coat. NO COAT! How can you not wear a coat when it's freezing? Another one I saw this morning on the metro had no underwear, yes you could see that as her trousers were very low and you could see the beginning of her bum. How gross....

I don't know what this is all about, but I rather stay warm than look stylish. Fine, I might look like I live in the North Pole when I go out, but I don't care how I look from home to work or from work to home. Don't get me wrong, I would still dress up for going out but I wouldn't go out half naked. We have summers for that!!

Tonight is supposed to snow, which is a big deal in London as it barely ever happens, so I am excited and maybe hope that the transport system breaks down completely so I will be forced to stay home in my pajamas with a hot chocolate and watch telly all day, under a cosy wolly blanket!

Who doesn't love shoes?

After last week news I have decided to treat myself - here is what I bought.
Couldn't help myself, new shoes always make me feel better, no matter what.




The most I can wear them for is 2/3 hours and I can't do much walking with them, but they do look gorgeous and make my leg look longer and thinner that it really ever will be. I love them so much, can't think of nothing else!!

Worst Case Scenario

I have had bad news this week. I have some anomalies in my cervix and I have to get a colposcopy.
I am very scared that they will find some sort of pre-cancerous cells, but the doctor thinks it could only be an infection. I hope so, but somehow I keep thinking of the worst case scenario: cancer, chemotherapy, removal of everything, no babies ever never.

I know it's a drastic scenario, about 0.5% likely to happen because my test doesn't show pre-cancerous cells, just unknown anomalies, and I am so young and even if I had pre-cancerous cells, they can be removed by laser. So, why do I always think the worst? Maybe it's a defense mechanism of the brain, that if you are prepared for the worst, nothing can faze you and no matter what you have, you'll be happier that if you hoped for the best.
I think this has also to do with my deep desire to have a baby and my unfounded fear that I might not be able to. I don't know where it comes from but the thought just terrifies me and now it feels like my worst nightmare could become real.

My dad says that it's probably nothing and positive thoughts go a long way towards a good outcome. He knows as he was given 6 months life expectancy with his inoperable cancer and 6 years later he is with us very much alive with a dormant cancer in his body. Against all odds he is fine and hopefully will be fine for a very long time to come and be a grandfather to my kids.

What helped him were his unwavering strong beliefs and positive thoughts, his humorous and funny outtake on everything. He went through tough times but he has managed to look at the bigger picture and not only he is fine but this experience has changed him into a better person.

I can only hope I have inherited his strength in dealing with what life throws at you.

Tv Love

I love watching US sitcoms and dramas and will not miss an episode of my favourite tv programs. You will probably think I don’t have a social life.
I think I do...with my special tv friends……not really, only joking, I would not stop myself from going out because of something on tv, I would just record it on my Sky+ (like Tivo) and then watch it all on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. We are quite behind in the UK in terms of schedule compared to the US, so please don’t spoil any endings for me!!!

This is my schedule:

Mondays: America’s Next Top Model
Tuesdays: The OC
Wednesdays: Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives,
Thursdays: ER, Grey’s Anatomy
Fridays: Jericho
Saturdays: The Amazing Race
Sundays: So You Think You Can Dance

And any free time can be also devoted to The King Of Queens, Two and Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, Laguna Beach, etc, etc.....

My lovely friend Tinsie is trying to convince me to also watch Battlestar Galactica, but she must now see from the above schedule, that I just do not have any more space in my life or in my Sky+ hard drive for one more series :). Even though she does say it's brilliant!

This is one addiction I don't want to be cured from. I know it's escapism, but it is sweet sweet escapism. And I also read a lot and write this blog, as you know, so I am not just brain dead in front of tv every day, ....well maybe every other day!

Health kick

I have started this year with the resolution to eat more healthily as my doctor AND my dentist both said I should give up eating so much sugar. I just love and crave sugar so much that it has been quite hard. I took this chance to improve my overall eating habits as it has been quite long overdue.

So my plan so far has been:

Minerals: Zinc (for energy boost) and Magnesium (not sure for what but I read somewhere it's good for me)
Fruits and Veg: I try to have 5 portions a day, sometimes I only manage 3 or 4
Tea/Coffee: never liked coffee, so that was not hard to give up. I subsituted my twice a day cups of Earl Grey tea with herbal tea, peppermint usually.
And instead of the customary FOUR spoons of sugar, I have cut down to two.

I am also eating this probiotic yogurts and try not to eat crisps, and instead I eat nuts. Which is not as bad.

All this seems to be working in terms of energy levels as I have always felt so bummed and tired all of the time. What I really really miss though is cakes, lovely sweet cakes....

Also I am going to try and going to my gym, I am paying a monthly fee membership that expires in May, and I feel so bad that I am not going and wasting my money but, after a hard day at work who wants to start running on a stupid machine???
Speaking of exercise, I was buying a birthday card for a friend the other day and I read this very funny card that said:
If God meant for women to exercise, He would have put diamonds on the floor....

That's funny and...exactly how I feel!