I have had bad news this week. I have some anomalies in my cervix and I have to get a colposcopy.
I am very scared that they will find some sort of pre-cancerous cells, but the doctor thinks it could only be an infection. I hope so, but somehow I keep thinking of the worst case scenario: cancer, chemotherapy, removal of everything, no babies ever never.
I know it's a drastic scenario, about 0.5% likely to happen because my test doesn't show pre-cancerous cells, just unknown anomalies, and I am so young and even if I had pre-cancerous cells, they can be removed by laser. So, why do I always think the worst? Maybe it's a defense mechanism of the brain, that if you are prepared for the worst, nothing can faze you and no matter what you have, you'll be happier that if you hoped for the best.
I think this has also to do with my deep desire to have a baby and my unfounded fear that I might not be able to. I don't know where it comes from but the thought just terrifies me and now it feels like my worst nightmare could become real.
My dad says that it's probably nothing and positive thoughts go a long way towards a good outcome. He knows as he was given 6 months life expectancy with his inoperable cancer and 6 years later he is with us very much alive with a dormant cancer in his body. Against all odds he is fine and hopefully will be fine for a very long time to come and be a grandfather to my kids.
What helped him were his unwavering strong beliefs and positive thoughts, his humorous and funny outtake on everything. He went through tough times but he has managed to look at the bigger picture and not only he is fine but this experience has changed him into a better person.
I can only hope I have inherited his strength in dealing with what life throws at you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
This has happened to two close friends of mine and both were fine and later went on to have beautiful babies. I pray the same will be true for you. : )
Hey girl, chin up!
Even if they find pre-cancerous cells, that's exactly what they are: PRE-cancerous (i.e. not cancer).
My friend Nic had pre-cancerous cells and had to have part of her cervix cut out. She's now pregnant with her second baby (she already has a beautiful 2-year-old son).
Follow your dad's advice and think positive. You'll be fine.
Tinsie xx
{{{{Erica}}}} Having a health scare is always scary. If the Dr. thinks that it might just be an infection that is what I would expect. Cancer is pretty obvious and since they said that there are no pre-cancerous cells that they can see you probably don't have anything to worry about.
I know that nothing I say will make the worry and fear go away but hopefully our positive thoughts will bring you a small bit of comfort.
Tricia - that's so great to hear! Thank you for your prayers.
Tinsie - I am glad your friend Nic is fine, it's scary to think about but encouraging that other girls have been through it and are fine, thank you!
Rachel - yes, usually doctors know what they are talking about, well I certainly hope in this case! Thank you so much for your words, it does certainly help me to know that you all care, it makes a big difference. I have the test on the 16th of Feb, can't wait to get it over and done with!
Post a Comment