Driving to Rome

Taking a break from writing about my past, I am getting ready for the Xmas road trip we will take in a few days. We will travel from London to Marseille, driving through all of France and then we will get on a ferry straight to Rome. It will be 14 hours on the ferry! Practically a lifetime.
But it will be by night, 6pm to 9.30am, so not too bad, as I will be sleeping 10 hours of those.
Then it will be 5 days in Rome with my family, or more correctly in Bracciano. My family actually lives in Bracciano where Tom Cruise got married, they moved there 10 years ago when I left Italy for London. We knew the place was beautiful much earlier than he ever knew it existed!

On the way back, we are not taking the ferry, but we will have to drive all the way from Rome to London. 1600 kilometers! Of course we have quite a few days and will be stopping by night in b&b along the way. We are hoping to reach Paris by New Year's Eve, and spend it there celebrating 2007. Back in London by the 2nd and back to work by the 3rd!

It will be quite an adventure to drive there and back, but of course also quite tiring. I will take pictures of France and Italy and try to post them here!

Also, this here below is the car we will be travelling with - so it will be great fun! We just bought it in September, it's from 1997, but still in perfect shape and a fantastic drive, if somewhat daunting for me as a new driver. I have been practicing ever since we got it and I am getting better and better.

We hope to be back all in one piece!

The night when the police came to my house...

During my search for the ONE, I ended up in a relationship with a tattooist.
The story with him was complicated to say the least.

He was a crazy guy, but I was in love with him. We were together a few months before I realised our relationship would never go anywhere. He was a complete flirt, and never cared for me too much I guess. He was too much in love with his Jack Daniel. So I started to detach myself but couldn't bring myself to leave him, so ultimately the relationship ended thanks to him.

He was a violent drunk and I was happy to be rid of him. I just wish I put a stop to it myself. As it turned out, he left me one night when I discovered he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. I was quite relieved to tell the truth, they deserved each other, but still very hurt.

A week after, he called me at 3am on a Thursday night, completely drunk, saying that he wanted to see me. I said no way, but he said he was coming over anyway. There was nothing I could do to stop him and I knew he meant it and that he would come over. When I heard him knocking and kicking at my door over and over again, my stomach tensed so much, I was sick with worry. I was afraid he would wake up my flatmates, so I let him in. BIG MISTAKE.

He was very drunk and emotional and kept saying that he wanted to start again with me. I played it cleverly and did not reject him, but I pleaded with him to just sleep on the sofa and that we would talk about it the next day. Was he going to shut up and sleep? Of course not. He kept going on and on about all sorts of nonsense, until I got very upset and asked him to leave.
At that point he lost it and grabbed me from behind to choke me. I knew he didn't want to strangle me, just to scare me, but I had enough of it and wriggled free of him and dialled 999 (in the UK it's not 911). Just before the police answered I hunged up. I do not know why, I just did not want to create trouble for him. Even though I certainly did not love him anymore, I unfortunately still had feelings for him. Having understood what I was trying to do, he grabbed my hair so hard, a big chunk of it came out in his hand and I fought back and pushed him hard - the pain was so much in my head, it was like he took the scalp off. At that point the phone rang.

I never knew at the time that the police would trace your call and call you back if you hang up. So they did, and thank God they did, and when I picked up the phone I was in tears and desperate, so I gave them my address. Things quietened down then, so I asked him to leave before the police arrived. I did not want him to go to prison, I just wanted him gone. Maybe wrong, but that was what I felt at the time.

He would not leave, he said 'bring it on'. In the meantime of course my flatmates woke up and came to my aid while we were waiting for the police to arrive.
When they got there, he resisted to go but at the end he went with them. I said I did not want to press charges, I just wanted him out of my house and out of my life forever.

The last I saw of him, he was entering the police van. That was 7 years ago.

Crazy Extravagances

Continuing from My Story in London so far...Part 2

While I was looking for an office job I was trying to enjoy my single status for once in my life and with money in the bank I felt I had the world at my feet. I started going out every night and meeting lots of new people and new guys. I spent and spent my money on drinks and taxis. Oh, was I generous, I was the most generous person on the planet. Christmas came and I gave to all my friends and family the most expensive gifts. Expensive meals and hotels followed, clothes and shoes, cd's and everything imaginable. I was two months without working and enjoyed everything that life had to offer. The best memory of my time then, was a surprise weekend trip to Italy to see my mum. Just the joy in her face when she opened the door and saw me was worth all the money in the world.
Also good, I must admit, was the feeling of being powerful and to walk in a five star hotel in Kensington and just be a queen for a night. And did I tip? I tipped like there was no tomorrow. Money meant nothing to me, ironically.
Change in my pocket would just fly into waiters and chambermaids hands.
There was no stopping me.

But of course there was. And what did stop me was my empty bank account. It was a ride, the most exciting ride of my life and it ended like every ride, hard and bumpy.
The end was like crashing back to earth after a journey to the moon.

I badly adjusted to having no money and soon I had three credit cards to just keep up with what I got used to so fast.
I got a job in the midst of all this, a good job, badly paid, but a good job. In a very prestigious university in London as an admin assistant in the psychology dept, which for me, was a very good job after waitressing and bartending.
The pay was crap and the credit cards made up for the things I was suddenly missing in life, but soon the credit meant paying for my travel to work.

Life went on and I ended up with 8 thousand dollars debts. Hardly what anybody wishes for at 23 years old. I had nobody to blame, just my stupidity. I wasted all my money and now I deserved every debt I had, because I did not know how to stop. I tried to fill my empty soul with things. And that just did not work. I realized far too late.

My complete denial about everything at the time also affected my romantic life and my conquests were just fun and games. Another notch on the bed. I wanted to prove to the world that I didn't need anybody or need anything that I could not provide myself. After so many years with my ex-boyfriend and time in bed with my injury needing everything and everybody, I thought that now was MY time.
What I didn't realize at the time, was that what I needed more than any shoes or clothes, was love. And all the times I walked in a bar and looked around for my next conquest, even though I felt in control and the most desirable and beautiful person in the room, inside I was just a lonely and scared and insecure little girl in search of her one true love.

Next...the search for the ONE

Shattering my life

Thanks to Anon1 ;), I am taking the chance to talk briefly about my accident in 1995 when I broke my leg and received a sum of money from the insurance.
This was an event that destroyed my life as I knew it then, but thankfully not forever, just for a year. An event that made me lose my job, my boyfriend, my independence, my apartment, everything I loved and worked hard for.
This is the story of how I lost a year of my life for something I thought would only take a few weeks and a white cast that all my friends would sign.

My boyfriend at the time (the same one I went to London with) was driving us in my bike in Rome when a car coming from the left hit me,just my leg, shattering every single bone in many pieces. The hit was so hard and my shock was so much that I didn't know what had happened. The lady that hit me, got out of her car and tried to make me walk and put me in her car to take me to the hospital, but I couldn't move, I was so scared to even look down at my leg for fear of what I would see. The pain was not immediate, the shock stops it at first. My boyfriend was unharmed and white as a sheet, I don't think he said a word, he was also in complete shock.

The ambulance came and took me to hospital where they cut off my jeans and my boots and I saw blood, lots of it. The pain was now unbearable, but I still thought that they would let me go after they put a cast on me. I didn't realise that this was not a simple fracture, I didn't realise that I would spent the next 20 days in hospital, I didn't realise that I would get used to operations and anesthesia and nurses and doctors and that maybe I would always limp.

After a 4 hours operation the doctors were able to put it all back together and they advised me that there had been a chance that I would not have walked perfectly again, but the operation went very well. My life then was the hospital and the highlight of the day was the morning visit from the doctors when it was time for their rounds. Life was boring, painful, scary, I felt trapped, I kept asking 'why me?', I missed my real life so much. The first feelings are of disbelief, then anger, then depression. After a while in the hospital though, I felt like a spoiled kid for even complaining so much, as all I had was a broken leg, a complicated one, but still only a broken leg. I opened my eyes to everybody around me and it made me realise that I was actually very lucky.

Before the accident I was living with my boyfriend but then, as I needed 24 hours day and night care, I had to go back to live with my parents. I could not move from my bed for up to three months and my mum had to do everything for me. I hated being dependent so much from everybody, I felt hopeless, couldn't take a shower or do anything at all, my mum had to wash me and do everything for me. I spent nights awake from the pain and days asleep, I spent hours reading and reading and living in my own world. I made a promise to myself then, to remember always how precious things that we take for granted really are.

My parents lived 2 hours away from where I used to stay with my boyfriend in Rome, so I went from living with him, to seeing him once a week for a few hours. This crashed me more than anything, I loved him and I felt him slipping away slowly, I felt I was the outsider in his life, I felt I was not part of it anymore.

After recovering for a few months and a couple of operations to get some rods out of my leg, I was well enough to limp with crutches and I decided to move back into my flat with my boyfriend. But my flat wasn't my flat anymore. He couldn't afford it anymore on his own, so he moved out and moved to a smaller one. I didn't even have a chance to move, everything was moved for me. After a month at the new flat with him, he left me. He said he didn't love me anymore. I suppose I should have thanked him for waiting until I was well enough....
I felt like my world crashed down once more.

I moved back to my parents feeling pretty low. Before the accident I had a job, a flat, a boyfriend, now I had nothing. I guess as I got the money from the insurance, I felt I really needed it and deserved it and I regret now that I spent it all, but somehow that was what I needed to do.
After a month at home, I ended up getting back with my boyfriend, stupid move, and then after a few months we moved to London together, as you know. I still had not touched my money though, that would start in London after splitting for the last time, see My story in London so far...part 2.
I could have got more money if I took the insurance company to court, but decided not to, I didn't care. The amount I got was 14 thousand dollars. Not an incredible amount of money, but not bad either, I could have bought a nice car or any number of things, but I was 20 and didn't know any better and I preferred spending it bit by bit, day by day, until it was all gone.

My story in London so far....Part 2

We were nearly 4 years together and the way we left each other was horrible. First I left him by telling him that I was not sure about my feelings for him anymore. He took it ok, which meant he must have felt the same, but never told me, decided instead to cheat…but I didn’t know that at the time. We got back together after a couple of weeks, mainly because I was missing him like crazy, but I wasn’t sure whether I missed him or the idea of him. He cheated on me, than I did, then we split up again and then got back together the last time before he just never came home one night.

We just had rented a new flat and he left me with all the rent to pay, couldn’t get out of the contract, but couldn’t get a flatmate to share the rent with me as there was only one bedroom. So it was a nightmare scenario. When he finally got in touch, he said that he was back with the girl he was cheating on me with before.
It was the toughest period of my life and I suddenly felt so low and lonely. It was then that I started going out all the time and be single for the first time in a long time. I just couldn’t face being at home alone.

During this period I also went through some money that I received after an accident where I broke my leg in Rome. It was enough for a deposit for a home and I didn’t touch it for a while, but then suddenly single, I didn’t care about any stupid home, I was only 21, and so went about spending it all, day after day, month after month, hoping to fill my life and my heart with things….

In the meantime I was still working in a bar, but I decided then to take a chance and started going for interviews for an office job. I wanted to improve my life and I knew that working in a bar wasn't going to make me happy forever. I didn't have the time to dedicate to my job search with all the hours at the bar, so I quit. I quit without another job lined up; people called me crazy, but I knew that if I didn't do that, I would have never got out.
So for two months I frantically searched for something better and got myself into debt in the process, after having finished all my money. For two months I was broke and had to get credit cards just to pay my metro ticket, but finally I got a job as admin assistant in a London university. When I got my first paycheck I was ecstatic. It was ridiculous money, even less that I was making in a bar, but it felt really good after all the hard work.

My ex-boyfriend never supported this move, and never believed I could make it in any other job in England other than bars and restaurants, so this made me even more proud of myself. And good riddance of him!


Next time…. Crazy extravagances and debts spiralling out of control

My story in London so far....

I have now been living in London for ten years and there many things I love and hate about the place. Yesterday I met a lovely girl from New York, here in London to study and I spoke to her about my love for the Big Apple.
It made me realise though that I am actually living in a similar place and that many people actually dream about moving to London. I never dreamt about it, it just happened and it was very exciting coming into a new world at 21, a world I knew nothing about, with a language I barely spoke, a new life starting, new experiences, and waiting for you just the unknown. Can be scary, but still exciting.
When I first arrived I hated that I couldn't understand much and I started working in italian restaurants as a waitress. Surrounded by italians, it wasn't very hard, but still alienating and lonely.
The only job I had in Italy before I came was sales assistant in a shoe shop, so I didn't really have anything going on for me, going to college wasn't something I was particularly interested at the time, not the way they had it in Italy. You study for 7 years at least, you live with your parents as you can't afford your own place, and by the time you graduate you are in your late twenties with no job prospects at all, even though you have a degree. That's why I chose to leave. There was nothing that Rome could offer to me at the time. London was a pool of opportunities and a new life.

I didn't come alone, I came with my ex-boyfriend and we ended up separating after a few months here. London does that to you, it changes everything, or maybe we weren't strong enough. We were so young and London was full of things we wanted to explore without each other I suppose.

...to be continued (sorry had to stop writing - my boss has come in!)

Love to read

I love writing, but I do love reading even more. I read on average a book every four-five days. I give myself a couple of days break usually! My passion came from my mother - she is an avid reader and I grew up surrounded by shelves full of books of any kind.
From Danielle Steel to Wilbur Smith, from Shakespeare to Herman Hesse, from Ernest Hemingway to Erica Jung, from Erich Fromm to Stephen King, I had the pick of the best and the worst! I had romance and thrillers, I had philosophy and serious literature, psychology and history and I embraced them all.
All these books shaped and influenced me at a very young age and helped me become who I am today. Many things I have learned from the pages, many different dreamscapes anf worlds I inhabited, many journeys through the fantasies conjured from the hundred different stories. Every time a book ended, a small part of me also ended and disappointment was small or big, depending on how much I loved the book in question.
At 19 I broke my leg in a scooter accident and I had to stay six months in bed, back at my parent's place. Every day I was completely immersed in reading and read about 1 book per day. When you are in bed every day, immobile, without being able to even get up for anything, and I mean anything, all I could do was read.
Of course my mum's books were long ago read, so every visitor kept bringing me new or second hand books! I read anything and everything, just to take my mind off the situation I was in.
As time went on, reading became more and more my love and passion, but after moving to London, I decided to start reading in English instead of my own language, Italian. At first it was hard, even though my English was ok grammatically, it was lacking a lot of vocabulary. I started with I was hoping were easy books, something not too challenging, and so I chose Dean Koontz. I am not saying it is a completely easy read, but it's not exactly academic. I didn't get much at first, but slowly understood more and more. And I got hooked - he is so great and to this day, I still read all his new books. After him, I loved Patricia Cornwell, and I am still following all of her Dr Scarpetta series. The others I love from this genre are: Jonathan Kellerman (and his wife Faye), Michael Connelly, and Jeffery Deaver. Other authors I love are from different genres like Milan Kundera, Noam Chomski, Joanne Harris and also many Italian authors. The result is that my flat is full of books, full of shelves and every new book goes into a pile next to my bed!
I have run out many times of space and I really don't know where to put them anymore. I have started borrowing them from the library, so that I could also save some money, not only space!! Now I only buy new books when I go away travelling; the smell of new books is wonderful and browsing in a bookshop is the most relaxing past time for me.

So reading for me is a pleasure and very entertaining, but also sometimes can be anti-social and selfish, as nobody else can join in. I feel I shut people off a lot when I am reading, I hate being interrupted and so ignore everybody around me. I must then ''read with moderation''. There was a time when I was constantly reading and at that point I had to stop for a while and have a break, before this would have become an obsession. Now, I feel I have a more healthy relationship with books. I don't stay awake half the night like I used to, because I couldn't put a book down. I don't read every second I have free, and even on holiday I stopped reading on the beach for hours and missing life. So, I think that as long as I take it easy and limit my 'selfish pleasure', I should be okay!
I thank my mum for introducing me to this wonderful word of words, and I will certainly pass it on to my children one day, but I will also teach them to enjoy life outside of the dream world of books and not miss out anything else that life has to offer!

To Have or Not to Have: Kids Anyone?

Dilemma of a career couple

There is no escaping the question: whether you want to have kids or not, and if you do, when will you have them? It is a question mainly women ask themselves and some men as well, or maybe most of them think, how long can I go avoiding the issue?

But sooner or later it comes back, as your friends start having kids. Once you marry everybody starts asking you about them – from your mother to your friends, from the co-worker to the neighbour.
Your life is perfect, you have a wonderful career, that special someone, you are having great fun, drinking and going out with your friends, weekends away, travelling, money for yourself, maybe for the first time you feel you know who you are and what you are doing, no care in the world.
Your job brings you satisfaction, or if not that, at least some money. Money for shoes, cars, clothes, travel, you have paid your student's debts and now you are just enjoying spending every last penny you earn. And why not, you work hard for it.
Then you wake up one day and your wife or husband says: Hey, what about kids, should we at least start to think about it?

We all have our reservations, whether you are a woman or a man, you both may have a good career that you don’t want to give up. More than the career, you don’t want to give up the freedom and the fun, the carefree days and also the money.

But I think that a day comes when the money, the freedom, it is just not enough. All the self-indulgence starts to bother you and all the going out and the fun start to feel hollow and shallow. And then you start wondering, is there more to life than this?

Losing my mind

Well, I am lucky again, third time lucky to be exact. Let me explain...for the third time I have lost my wallet (purse in U.S. I think) and someone has found it and given it back to me. If I lived in a small town where everybody knew me...but I live in London!

The first time was in May 06 - I left it at an off licence shop not too far from my home, I was buying a bottle of wine for a party we were going to and I left the wallet on the counter.
The next evening the clerk of the shop knocked on our door and gave me my wallet back! It was lucky that I had my home address on the provisional driving licence in my wallet, otherwise he wouldn't have known where I lived.

The second time I lost it was back in July, in a club while paying for my drinks and again I left it at the counter. I realised after 10 minutes and ran to the bar and asked the barman if he had found a wallet, and after looking and asking around, they had found it in the manager's office where someone had put it for safekeeping.

The third time was last week. After a party we were heading to a bar near my area and after looking inside, we actually decided to head home by taxi instead of having another drink. Needless to say, when I got home I found that I had no wallet, immediately cancelled my cards and went to sleep. Today, after losing hope that somebody might have found my wallet, a phone call came at work! It was a clerk at my gym, somebody called her from this bar saying that they have found my wallet and the only way they could think of reaching me was by calling my gym and get them to call me. So this evening I will be on my way to this bar to pick it up!

I am thinking two solutions to this constant losing my wallet:
1) I don't go out to a bar ever again
2) I stop carrying my wallet anywhere with me

Seriously, why do I always keep losing it? It happens when I am busy - drinking - distracted - in a rush - nervous, it seems like I am losing my mind most times!

Meeting Mr or Mrs Right in London

Here we go, my first unpublished article...I should probably stick to blogs!


The evening is about to end, the club is about to shut, you are alone, with your friends, but alone, no ‘conquest’, another lonely night and weekend ahead of you – you are desperate for some affection some contact but you want more than a night of lust. You despair, you panic, but all you meet are the ones out for a one night stand, sex with no string attached, that’s all that some guys want and that’s all that some girls want (sometimes).
The place is full with available people, attractive people, and people that you wouldn’t even share a coffee with, people that you wouldn’t speak to in a million years, but the club is about to close and you are desperate…. It’s a lottery and you gamble and then you wake up on a Saturday morning, in a stranger’s bed, trying to work out where are your shoes, your purse, the nearest station, and even in which part of town you are in.
This is a likely scenario for many of us Londoners lost in a city of lonely souls, in a city of millions of lonely people. Everywhere you see couples, but you wonder how did they meet in such a city, a city where you don’t even know your neighbour’s name.

Meeting the right person is hard everywhere in the world, but especially in London where everybody has such high expectations, such high standards. They have everything - money, careers, friends, but they are missing that special someone, that special person to wake up with on a Sunday morning and with whom they can read the papers in bed. That special connection that you can only have with somebody that gets you – and not everybody gets you, we all know that.

The secret of meeting Mr or Mrs Right in London is to simply stop looking. I know it might sound like a cliché, but it is so true. The minute you start having a full life, and not worrying about whether you will meet that special someone, that’s when you will meet them. The minute you put yourself out there and be who you really are and be confident about yourself, that’s when you’ll hit the jackpot. The way you do it is to feel good about yourself, and that way you do that is to stop caring about whether you are good enough to be loved by anybody, and start loving yourself with all your limitations and insecurities. Someone will love you especially for your insecurities and your weaknesses because they are part of you and they make you who you are, a unique special person. And they make the other person feel that you’ll then accept their weaknesses too, which would really make you quite a catch!

So don’t ever hide them, be yourself and trust always your instinct, even if it goes against everything you have ever believed in. Even if it makes you do things that you’d never do, abandon yourself, forget your shyness, your inhibitions and your worries, and always always know that somewhere out there, there is somebody for you, somebody for everybody. In London especially, or anywhere really, you must believe in yourself and believe that anyone would be lucky to have a person like you, a person so endearing, that anyone would be crazy not to go for.

Where to meet? Anywhere, just smile, look at people in the eyes, be genuine, not too forward but not too shy, that’s the formula. All you have to do is to be fulfilled and have lots of passions and interests and soon you’ll meet somebody that will share those passions with you...or at least you’ll have something to talk about when a cute guy or girl happens to be in your circle of friends.
Of course this all sounds so obvious, but it is not easy to accept yourself fully, I still don't myself, but if you don’t accept yourself, then who would? In terms of my Mr Right, I met him in a bar, of all places, and never I would have thought this would turn out to be the best decision I made to go out that night, that night when I wasn’t looking for anybody, for the first time, that night when meeting someone was further from my mind than ever before.
It started like a bit of fun, but ended up being a marriage, so never assume anything about any situation, because you never know how it’s going to turn out, and that’s the beauty of life, the unknown, the surprise. I hear incredible stories about people that met in a supermarket or on a train, or at a traffic light, just be open to anything at anytime and you will not be disappointed. Ok, you might get disappointed a few times, or many times like I was, but I believe that in the meantime, until you do find someone special, you’d would at least had great fun trying...

Back from France

Hello, I am back from France! We went to Bolougne-Sur-Mer and Le Touquet and it was beautiful...here is a photo of the beach at Le Touquet:



We actually took the train under the Channel and it was a crazy experience to be shut in a car on a train travelling under the sea! A bit suffocating if I must admit...

Once we were back in London on Saturday night, I drove our car (we just bought it secondhand two weeks ago) for a bit in the center of the city at 10.30 at night, tired from the journey and I made a mess of it. I have only had my licence a little while, as you might know from this post: on top of the world, and this is the third time I have driven our new car, and I should not have done so being late and tired and dark and so on. I was all over the place and making mistakes after mistakes. Nothing happened, but I was disappointed that I wasn't driving very well at all and that I was so nervous. Also I need to get used to the car, it's a sportscar, too powerful and scary, while I learned in a Ford Fiesta, small and practical.

Anyway, I am posting my article right after this, later on today.

Ferry Trip

We are off to Calais, France - we are taking the ferry tonight from Dover and we'll spend a day or two in Calais.
When I come back I will post my MR & MRS RIGHT article!!

Have a nice weekend everybody!

Writing

Not sure what to write about lately, I am having a very 'dry spell'. Lots of things happened I suppose, that I could write about, but when I start a new post, nothing comes out. When I do manage to get a few sentences, they are boring and pointless.
So, here I am, starting from zero, trying to get back into my writing and blogging. I am happy though that blogger has resolved the issue with the comments and I can now happily comment away.
The reason that I haven't been writing is that I applied to write for an online magazine and did not succeed very well. The editor was really lovely, she gave me praise, but also criticism. The criticism was correct and spot on. She suggested some things, to try and change the articles I wrote into something more journalistic, but I think I am just not capable of that. I am not even sure I like to write in such a way. I am not a journalist, I wouldn't like it, I prefer plain old writing, I can't add quotes or such journalistic things, I rather talk about my own experiences.
I have kept the articles and maybe I should publish them in my blog and see what the others think. I was naive though to think that I could get published so easily. I have no training, just a passion. It seems to me that I am more of a writer than a feature journalist. Or maybe I am just a blogger and should concentrate on doing my day job....

The articles are two:
''Meeting Mr or Mrs Right in London''
''Kids anyone? Dilemma of a career couple''

Which one should I put on the blog? Which one would you most like to read? From now on you will be my editor!!!

Comments

I have changed my blog from blogger to beta because it gives you more editing freedom or whatever, but now I can't leave comments on some of your blogs! On some I can write as ''other'' which means they don't put my photo, on some I can't post at all, unless I want to post as anynomous!
So please don't think I am not reading, 'cause I am, they just are not allowing me to comment. And what's bad too is that some bloggers are not able to leave me comments either!!
It's so unfair, but Blogger & Beta Blogger have promised to do some changes urgently, as I am not the only to complain. Let's hope this will soon improve, but rest assured I am still reading you all!

Remembering 9/11

New York Photos

Just a few photos of my trip in New York last February.
It was the best time ever, loved NY so much, cannot wait to go back as soon as possible.

Here is the first one with a view of New Jersey



Fog above 5th Avenue



View from the Brooklyn Bridge



Grand Central Station

Inspiration

Don't have a clue what to write today - I am bored, utterly bored, sitting at my desk, surfing the internet all day (my boss is on holiday). I know I should do some work, but there isn't much to do and that little there is, I just can't be bothered to do it. All year I long for August so that I can relax at work and not do anything, but every year I then get so incredibly bored that I end up working anyway.

3 hours 1/2 to go until I get out of this dark horrible basement where I work (it's a furniture showroom) - the walls are painted a horrible shade of green/gray, my desk is blindingly white and the spotlight above is cooking my brain on a daily basis - the rest of the place has hardly any lights - they call it ''ambience''. They don't care that people actually work here - all they care is how the place looks.. Well the place looks sh*t. It's depressing and makes me feel sleepy. Plus it's just me and the boss down here - you can hear me breathing, that's how silent this place is. You can hear me munching my lunch at my desk (yes there is a kitchen where one could eat, as long as one doesn't mind eating while standing) - I hate it. The others are upstairs and they hate it too, but for different reasons. And it's freezing in the winter, even with the heating at full blast.

You must think I am mad to stay here - but hear me out..the place is horrible, but the people I work with are really nice, and even my boss is ok after all. The pay is really good for what I do - I am admired and respected by everybody, clients and colleagues, and I have lots of freedom. I come in late twice - three times a week, nobody says anything, and I have 26 vacations days, which is pretty good by any standard. It sounds like I don't do any work, but I actually work really hard and that's why I get to do what I want and I get respect and admiration. I feel I should actually say I USED to work really hard, as I must admit that the past few months I haven't cared at all, at least not as much as I used to for 5 long years. I keep doing the minimum necessary and hope I get away with it..

I feel like I am still relying on that respect gained earlier in the years, to excuse any mistake that happens and lately my mistakes are happening a lot more.
People excuse me because they know how good I am and everything, but it ain't going to last forever!

It sounds horrible, I know, and that is just not me, I have a very strong work ethic and I usually always loved working hard, so I really don't know what is going on with me. Then sometimes the guilt gets the better of me and I work hard for a few days, but then the low comes back again, and so it goes up and down, highs and lows. I wonder if it is the job or just me? Maybe I am unconsciously sabotaging this job?

AHHHHH! I think I need another job or another me!

A Start....

Ever since I was 15 and I discovered Leo Buscaglia, I have been reading and re-reading his books to try and learn to live by his words. Every time I read his words, I know that’s exactly how I should live and think. Not that I can’t think for myself, but I admire so much his thinking and agree with pretty much everything he says. You can be the judge of this. Here is a little something he wrote a few years back:


A Start by Leo Buscaglia

Each day, I promise myself not to try to solve all my life problems at once -- nor shall I expect you to do so;

Starting each day, I shall try to learn something new about me and about you and about the world I live in, so that I may continue to experience all things as if they had been newly born;

Starting each day, I shall remember to communicate my joy as well as my despair, so that we can know each other better;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself to really listen to you and to try to hear your point of view and to discover the least-threatening way of giving you mine, remembering that we are both growing and changing in a hundred different ways;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself that I am a human being and not demand perfection of you until I am perfect, so you're safe;

Starting each day, I shall try to be more aware of the beautiful things in our world -- I'll look at the flowers, I'll look at the birds, I'll look at the children, I'll feel the cool breezes, I'll eat good food -- and I'll share these things with you;

Starting each day, I shall remind myself to reach out and touch you, gently, with my words, my eyes and with my fingers, because I don't want to miss feeling you;

Starting each day, I shall dedicate myself again to the process of being a lover -- and then see what happens;



Is this a bit too sugary? I don't want to appear as a preacher, I was worried about posting this, but I love each and every word of this transcript. I hope you like it and can take something from it.
I try and live by his words, but often real life comes in and distracts me...

Things I have learned in London

Since I have been in London (it will be 10 years October 6th!), I have been through a lot of bad and good experiences, and have learned so many important things.
I came here a young naive 21 year old from Italy and have now become a 31 year old Londoner (but still an Italian at heart!)

So here is a list of what I have learned in the 10 years just gone:

Useless/Useful things I have learned:
To use chopsticks
To read my paper standing in a crowded metro carriage
To always always carry un umbrella in my purse, even when it seems hot and sunny
To walk fast avoiding slow or stationery tourists (it is a useful skills actually, especially when late!)
To dance flamenco
To wait tables and pull pints! (yep, my first jobs in London!)


Important things I have learned:
Well, to speak English (and write - hopefully well enough:)
To have fun!
To drive (wasn't easy, as you might read here failed again...grrr)
My job - where I am respected and rewarded for my hard work (not waiting tables anymore..)

mmmmm, can't think of much else yet.....surely there is more! That's got to be, but can't think of anything else right now.

Things I have never learned and doubt I ever will....

To cook (even though I think I am good, my husband sort of disagree...)
To budget my money - can't help it, I work in an office in the middle of the shopping district of London, temptation is everywhere, especially shoes!

The only question that I have is, would I have learned all those important things if I had been somewhere else? Yes, probably, but would I be who I am today? Probably not.
Do we even care to speculate who would I have been, if I had never left Italy or went to NY instead of London? No, but it is a slow day here in the office :)

Jokes aside, I do wonder sometimes how and who would I be instead, but I am happy with myself and would not want to be any different. All the bad and good things I had to go through, they were worth it in a way, as I have learned to love myself.

And that must be the most important thing I have learned.

Ginger please come back!

Just as I decided to get my blog redesigned by Ginger at BabyJane, she has unfortunately decided to call it quits! I loved her work so much that I am sad I have missed out on this opportunity. No other designer I have checked out seems to be as good as her.

I'll wait a couple of months in the hope that she changes her mind...