The Oscars are happening this Sunday and I cannot wait. Unfortunately over here they will show them Sunday night starting from midnight because of the time difference, so I would have to stay up all night and not go to work the next day, to watch them live....which is something I am very tempted to do.
I hope Martin Scorsese will finally get an Oscar for Best Director, he never won and I think he really deserves to win. What about Best Movie? I have not seen any of the nominated movies so far, but Babel seems quite good, and for me Brad Pitt always helps wanting to watch a movie!
Talking of awards, I don't want to feel left out and so I cheekily ask you to nominate my blog for the BRIT BLOG AWARDS 2007!!!!
Only if you really really think I should be nominated of course....
This is the link you need:
Brit Blog Awards 2007
I don't care about winning, (as that's never likely to happen), but just to be nominated would be a nice accomplishment.
So many thanks for any vote!!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Monday, February 19, 2007
This and That
I have been given the all clear on Friday, so I am really happy! I must explain more about it in another post, it was a stressful and crazy time, as we went to Paris to have the specialist visit. Left Friday AM and came back Saturday PM. Now I must rush, my boss should be back any second, thanks for your comments about the blogging!
Thursday, February 15, 2007
When & Where do you do it?
I do it at work, as soon as I arrive in the office after checking the gossips on Perez Hilton and in between quite periods when my boss has left for meetings!! So, I am always on the look out and worrying about people discovering my daytime activity: BLOGGING!
Yes, sometimes I will also blog at home on a Friday evening at midnight with a glass of wine and my hubby out with his mates or sleeping on the sofa. That is the most fun, as I feel always very inspired with a glass of wine, but sometimes the next day, looking at my drunken post, I realise that maybe drinking and writing, not such a good idea. Not so dangerous as drinking and driving, but likely to be just as shameful.
Now it's Thursday 3pm and my boss is out for a meeting, he is due back at any time. Can I finish this post before he does come back? Hopefully, if not I won't get a chance to finish it until later on today or even Sunday. That's why my frequency of posts is completely random, sometimes 3 in a week, sometimes 1 in every 10 days. It just depends from how much time I have available.
Once I get home, there is no time, one has to do so many other things! What am I going to do when I have kids? When am I going to find the time?? How does my sister do it? She works part time, she has a 1 year old baby, she cooks wonderful dinners, she bakes and she cleans and she manages even to watch Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I barely manage to keep the house clean and keep up with my blogging...
So, when and where do you do it?
On a different note, tomorrow I am going to see a specialist in France, about this, so I hope to be posting good news on Sunday when I am back!
Yes, sometimes I will also blog at home on a Friday evening at midnight with a glass of wine and my hubby out with his mates or sleeping on the sofa. That is the most fun, as I feel always very inspired with a glass of wine, but sometimes the next day, looking at my drunken post, I realise that maybe drinking and writing, not such a good idea. Not so dangerous as drinking and driving, but likely to be just as shameful.
Now it's Thursday 3pm and my boss is out for a meeting, he is due back at any time. Can I finish this post before he does come back? Hopefully, if not I won't get a chance to finish it until later on today or even Sunday. That's why my frequency of posts is completely random, sometimes 3 in a week, sometimes 1 in every 10 days. It just depends from how much time I have available.
Once I get home, there is no time, one has to do so many other things! What am I going to do when I have kids? When am I going to find the time?? How does my sister do it? She works part time, she has a 1 year old baby, she cooks wonderful dinners, she bakes and she cleans and she manages even to watch Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I barely manage to keep the house clean and keep up with my blogging...
So, when and where do you do it?
On a different note, tomorrow I am going to see a specialist in France, about this, so I hope to be posting good news on Sunday when I am back!
Friday, February 09, 2007
Snowy Big Ben
Here is the Big Ben after the snow storm yesterday! Unfortunately today all the snow has turned into ice and nothing is white anymore....just grey and rainy.
Anyway, it is Friday finally and I wish you all a fun and happy weekend.
Anyway, it is Friday finally and I wish you all a fun and happy weekend.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
The Big Freeze
Never mind global warming: the big freezing winter has now officially started in London. So there is me wearing a duvet-like coat and not 1 but 2 jumpers, one with a high neck collar, a big scarf and gloves.
Then there are some women and girls that seem to not care about the cold, just so they can go out with no coat. NO COAT! How can you not wear a coat when it's freezing? Another one I saw this morning on the metro had no underwear, yes you could see that as her trousers were very low and you could see the beginning of her bum. How gross....
I don't know what this is all about, but I rather stay warm than look stylish. Fine, I might look like I live in the North Pole when I go out, but I don't care how I look from home to work or from work to home. Don't get me wrong, I would still dress up for going out but I wouldn't go out half naked. We have summers for that!!
Tonight is supposed to snow, which is a big deal in London as it barely ever happens, so I am excited and maybe hope that the transport system breaks down completely so I will be forced to stay home in my pajamas with a hot chocolate and watch telly all day, under a cosy wolly blanket!
Then there are some women and girls that seem to not care about the cold, just so they can go out with no coat. NO COAT! How can you not wear a coat when it's freezing? Another one I saw this morning on the metro had no underwear, yes you could see that as her trousers were very low and you could see the beginning of her bum. How gross....
I don't know what this is all about, but I rather stay warm than look stylish. Fine, I might look like I live in the North Pole when I go out, but I don't care how I look from home to work or from work to home. Don't get me wrong, I would still dress up for going out but I wouldn't go out half naked. We have summers for that!!
Tonight is supposed to snow, which is a big deal in London as it barely ever happens, so I am excited and maybe hope that the transport system breaks down completely so I will be forced to stay home in my pajamas with a hot chocolate and watch telly all day, under a cosy wolly blanket!
Monday, February 05, 2007
Who doesn't love shoes?
After last week news I have decided to treat myself - here is what I bought.
Couldn't help myself, new shoes always make me feel better, no matter what.
The most I can wear them for is 2/3 hours and I can't do much walking with them, but they do look gorgeous and make my leg look longer and thinner that it really ever will be. I love them so much, can't think of nothing else!!
Couldn't help myself, new shoes always make me feel better, no matter what.
The most I can wear them for is 2/3 hours and I can't do much walking with them, but they do look gorgeous and make my leg look longer and thinner that it really ever will be. I love them so much, can't think of nothing else!!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Worst Case Scenario
I have had bad news this week. I have some anomalies in my cervix and I have to get a colposcopy.
I am very scared that they will find some sort of pre-cancerous cells, but the doctor thinks it could only be an infection. I hope so, but somehow I keep thinking of the worst case scenario: cancer, chemotherapy, removal of everything, no babies ever never.
I know it's a drastic scenario, about 0.5% likely to happen because my test doesn't show pre-cancerous cells, just unknown anomalies, and I am so young and even if I had pre-cancerous cells, they can be removed by laser. So, why do I always think the worst? Maybe it's a defense mechanism of the brain, that if you are prepared for the worst, nothing can faze you and no matter what you have, you'll be happier that if you hoped for the best.
I think this has also to do with my deep desire to have a baby and my unfounded fear that I might not be able to. I don't know where it comes from but the thought just terrifies me and now it feels like my worst nightmare could become real.
My dad says that it's probably nothing and positive thoughts go a long way towards a good outcome. He knows as he was given 6 months life expectancy with his inoperable cancer and 6 years later he is with us very much alive with a dormant cancer in his body. Against all odds he is fine and hopefully will be fine for a very long time to come and be a grandfather to my kids.
What helped him were his unwavering strong beliefs and positive thoughts, his humorous and funny outtake on everything. He went through tough times but he has managed to look at the bigger picture and not only he is fine but this experience has changed him into a better person.
I can only hope I have inherited his strength in dealing with what life throws at you.
I am very scared that they will find some sort of pre-cancerous cells, but the doctor thinks it could only be an infection. I hope so, but somehow I keep thinking of the worst case scenario: cancer, chemotherapy, removal of everything, no babies ever never.
I know it's a drastic scenario, about 0.5% likely to happen because my test doesn't show pre-cancerous cells, just unknown anomalies, and I am so young and even if I had pre-cancerous cells, they can be removed by laser. So, why do I always think the worst? Maybe it's a defense mechanism of the brain, that if you are prepared for the worst, nothing can faze you and no matter what you have, you'll be happier that if you hoped for the best.
I think this has also to do with my deep desire to have a baby and my unfounded fear that I might not be able to. I don't know where it comes from but the thought just terrifies me and now it feels like my worst nightmare could become real.
My dad says that it's probably nothing and positive thoughts go a long way towards a good outcome. He knows as he was given 6 months life expectancy with his inoperable cancer and 6 years later he is with us very much alive with a dormant cancer in his body. Against all odds he is fine and hopefully will be fine for a very long time to come and be a grandfather to my kids.
What helped him were his unwavering strong beliefs and positive thoughts, his humorous and funny outtake on everything. He went through tough times but he has managed to look at the bigger picture and not only he is fine but this experience has changed him into a better person.
I can only hope I have inherited his strength in dealing with what life throws at you.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tv Love
I love watching US sitcoms and dramas and will not miss an episode of my favourite tv programs. You will probably think I don’t have a social life.
I think I do...with my special tv friends……not really, only joking, I would not stop myself from going out because of something on tv, I would just record it on my Sky+ (like Tivo) and then watch it all on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. We are quite behind in the UK in terms of schedule compared to the US, so please don’t spoil any endings for me!!!
This is my schedule:
Mondays: America’s Next Top Model
Tuesdays: The OC
Wednesdays: Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives,
Thursdays: ER, Grey’s Anatomy
Fridays: Jericho
Saturdays: The Amazing Race
Sundays: So You Think You Can Dance
And any free time can be also devoted to The King Of Queens, Two and Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, Laguna Beach, etc, etc.....
My lovely friend Tinsie is trying to convince me to also watch Battlestar Galactica, but she must now see from the above schedule, that I just do not have any more space in my life or in my Sky+ hard drive for one more series :). Even though she does say it's brilliant!
This is one addiction I don't want to be cured from. I know it's escapism, but it is sweet sweet escapism. And I also read a lot and write this blog, as you know, so I am not just brain dead in front of tv every day, ....well maybe every other day!
I think I do...with my special tv friends……not really, only joking, I would not stop myself from going out because of something on tv, I would just record it on my Sky+ (like Tivo) and then watch it all on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. We are quite behind in the UK in terms of schedule compared to the US, so please don’t spoil any endings for me!!!
This is my schedule:
Mondays: America’s Next Top Model
Tuesdays: The OC
Wednesdays: Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives,
Thursdays: ER, Grey’s Anatomy
Fridays: Jericho
Saturdays: The Amazing Race
Sundays: So You Think You Can Dance
And any free time can be also devoted to The King Of Queens, Two and Half Men, Everybody Loves Raymond, Laguna Beach, etc, etc.....
My lovely friend Tinsie is trying to convince me to also watch Battlestar Galactica, but she must now see from the above schedule, that I just do not have any more space in my life or in my Sky+ hard drive for one more series :). Even though she does say it's brilliant!
This is one addiction I don't want to be cured from. I know it's escapism, but it is sweet sweet escapism. And I also read a lot and write this blog, as you know, so I am not just brain dead in front of tv every day, ....well maybe every other day!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Health kick
I have started this year with the resolution to eat more healthily as my doctor AND my dentist both said I should give up eating so much sugar. I just love and crave sugar so much that it has been quite hard. I took this chance to improve my overall eating habits as it has been quite long overdue.
So my plan so far has been:
Minerals: Zinc (for energy boost) and Magnesium (not sure for what but I read somewhere it's good for me)
Fruits and Veg: I try to have 5 portions a day, sometimes I only manage 3 or 4
Tea/Coffee: never liked coffee, so that was not hard to give up. I subsituted my twice a day cups of Earl Grey tea with herbal tea, peppermint usually.
And instead of the customary FOUR spoons of sugar, I have cut down to two.
I am also eating this probiotic yogurts and try not to eat crisps, and instead I eat nuts. Which is not as bad.
All this seems to be working in terms of energy levels as I have always felt so bummed and tired all of the time. What I really really miss though is cakes, lovely sweet cakes....
Also I am going to try and going to my gym, I am paying a monthly fee membership that expires in May, and I feel so bad that I am not going and wasting my money but, after a hard day at work who wants to start running on a stupid machine???
Speaking of exercise, I was buying a birthday card for a friend the other day and I read this very funny card that said:
If God meant for women to exercise, He would have put diamonds on the floor....
That's funny and...exactly how I feel!
So my plan so far has been:
Minerals: Zinc (for energy boost) and Magnesium (not sure for what but I read somewhere it's good for me)
Fruits and Veg: I try to have 5 portions a day, sometimes I only manage 3 or 4
Tea/Coffee: never liked coffee, so that was not hard to give up. I subsituted my twice a day cups of Earl Grey tea with herbal tea, peppermint usually.
And instead of the customary FOUR spoons of sugar, I have cut down to two.
I am also eating this probiotic yogurts and try not to eat crisps, and instead I eat nuts. Which is not as bad.
All this seems to be working in terms of energy levels as I have always felt so bummed and tired all of the time. What I really really miss though is cakes, lovely sweet cakes....
Also I am going to try and going to my gym, I am paying a monthly fee membership that expires in May, and I feel so bad that I am not going and wasting my money but, after a hard day at work who wants to start running on a stupid machine???
Speaking of exercise, I was buying a birthday card for a friend the other day and I read this very funny card that said:
If God meant for women to exercise, He would have put diamonds on the floor....
That's funny and...exactly how I feel!
Relocation Relocation
We love Paris so much that we decided to move there and start a family!! This is something we decided around NYE when we were there for the fourth time together. What we felt time and time again towards this beautiful place was too strong to ignore.
Of course we are not naive or stupid and we know that relocating to a different country is very hard - after all I have done it once and my husband has done it twice (we are the experts!). He moved from Germany to Paris, where he lived there for two years, and from Paris to London. I have moved straight from Italy to London.
So we know, it's not all roses.
But listen to our reasons:
-Wonderful Weather: proper winters, but also real summers
-Lovely Food: great bread, tasty cheese, meat and fish, veg and fruit and the best pastries and cakes in the world
-Schools: their system is closer to the Italian education system, as in state schools can be better than private ones
-Beauty: well you cannot argue with this, Paris is indeed beautiful
-Language: love French, and did study it back in school for 3 years - hubby knows it perfectly (lucky him)
-Location: closer to our families in Italy and Germany - and also two hours by train to London
-Jobs: my husband will spend 3 days a week in London for his job and the rest of the time he will be in Paris. I will be with little baby (hopefully) and will go to veg and fruit markets and cook lovely meals and go to museums and explore Paris and write a book (ok, I am daydreaming now.....:)
-Art: with all the museums and churches, I am sure we'll never be bored of being tourists in the city.
-Cinema: we love French movies, always did and always will
More than all of the above, I felt a feeling in Paris that I only ever felt in Rome, and a feeling that after 10 years I have never felt in London.
A feeling that I belong. And that is worth more than anything to me. My husband feels at home wherever he is, but I just don't. I feel very attached to my italian roots and always missed my country and Paris is closest to Rome I could ever get.The only thing I need to work hard for is to get my French back in gear....not easy I know, but I am motivated.
Also another aspect I have considered regards children: I always felt sad that my children would grow up so different from me in the UK from the way I grew up in Rome. In France they would have a very similar childhood to mine, language aside, and I will feel closer to them that if they would grow up in London.
Lastly, I have a cousin that lives in Paris, whith her kids and her French hubby. We are not extremely close, but only because we never had a chance, as she is lovely and I am sure that she can help me feel less isolated during the first few months in the city. I feel a bit like Carrie in the last 2 episodes of Sex & The City when she moves to Paris....but then she hates it, so I hope it will work out better for me!!
What do you all think, is this a crazy idea?
Of course we are not naive or stupid and we know that relocating to a different country is very hard - after all I have done it once and my husband has done it twice (we are the experts!). He moved from Germany to Paris, where he lived there for two years, and from Paris to London. I have moved straight from Italy to London.
So we know, it's not all roses.
But listen to our reasons:
-Wonderful Weather: proper winters, but also real summers
-Lovely Food: great bread, tasty cheese, meat and fish, veg and fruit and the best pastries and cakes in the world
-Schools: their system is closer to the Italian education system, as in state schools can be better than private ones
-Beauty: well you cannot argue with this, Paris is indeed beautiful
-Language: love French, and did study it back in school for 3 years - hubby knows it perfectly (lucky him)
-Location: closer to our families in Italy and Germany - and also two hours by train to London
-Jobs: my husband will spend 3 days a week in London for his job and the rest of the time he will be in Paris. I will be with little baby (hopefully) and will go to veg and fruit markets and cook lovely meals and go to museums and explore Paris and write a book (ok, I am daydreaming now.....:)
-Art: with all the museums and churches, I am sure we'll never be bored of being tourists in the city.
-Cinema: we love French movies, always did and always will
More than all of the above, I felt a feeling in Paris that I only ever felt in Rome, and a feeling that after 10 years I have never felt in London.
A feeling that I belong. And that is worth more than anything to me. My husband feels at home wherever he is, but I just don't. I feel very attached to my italian roots and always missed my country and Paris is closest to Rome I could ever get.The only thing I need to work hard for is to get my French back in gear....not easy I know, but I am motivated.
Also another aspect I have considered regards children: I always felt sad that my children would grow up so different from me in the UK from the way I grew up in Rome. In France they would have a very similar childhood to mine, language aside, and I will feel closer to them that if they would grow up in London.
Lastly, I have a cousin that lives in Paris, whith her kids and her French hubby. We are not extremely close, but only because we never had a chance, as she is lovely and I am sure that she can help me feel less isolated during the first few months in the city. I feel a bit like Carrie in the last 2 episodes of Sex & The City when she moves to Paris....but then she hates it, so I hope it will work out better for me!!
What do you all think, is this a crazy idea?
Thursday, January 18, 2007
My Dad the painter
Three years ago my dear Dad has become a painter! I am not sure how the idea came about but one day he just started painting on potato sacks stretched over wooden frames and using not acrylics or oils but any sort of colour substance he could put his hands on. From his first attempts to the latest ones, he has progressed immensely and has used better colours, but still paints on potato sacks!
I am the least creative person in the world, so I was bowled over by this creativity of his and hope that some of it might have passed on to me also! All his life he has been a very hard worker with a truck company and drove his truck for many years all over Italy and Europe, also sometimes touring with the theatre and bands/musicians. But before all of that he was always very good in building furniture and restoring antiques, so in a way I am not surprised he has come back to his first love, which is being creative and expressing himself through art or simple labour.
Over Christmas I have helped him to create his on webpage at the Saatchi Gallery, to help him showcase his art.
Here below are some of his paintings:
I am very very proud of him and I hope I can help him to achieve his dreams as he has helped me as a young girl!
I am the least creative person in the world, so I was bowled over by this creativity of his and hope that some of it might have passed on to me also! All his life he has been a very hard worker with a truck company and drove his truck for many years all over Italy and Europe, also sometimes touring with the theatre and bands/musicians. But before all of that he was always very good in building furniture and restoring antiques, so in a way I am not surprised he has come back to his first love, which is being creative and expressing himself through art or simple labour.
Over Christmas I have helped him to create his on webpage at the Saatchi Gallery, to help him showcase his art.
Here below are some of his paintings:
I am very very proud of him and I hope I can help him to achieve his dreams as he has helped me as a young girl!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Road Trip
Sorry for the long absence, but I had no internet at work. Today is the first day I was actually able to use it after a few minutes last week. Enough to check a couple of blogs and my emails!
It has been frustrating to say the least and made me realize how much I cannot live without it anymore.
Our road trip was fantastic and made us want to take more and more trips in the future. Also the time with my family was great and I enjoyed spending time with my little nephew Roberto.
Here are some photos of our trip
Civitavecchia, port of Rome
Anguillara and the lake of Bracciano, Rome
Bracciano castle
Rome
Follonica, Tuscany
Aosta, Valle D'Aosta, on the border with France
Nantua, France
Nemours, France
Notre Dame, Paris
Tour Eiffel, Paris
That's it! This was our journey which ended with NYE in Paris. The next day we drove to Calais and took a ferry for Dover, England. Of course I had forgotten my passport back at the hotel in Paris, 3 hours drive away, but the lovely lady at the port let me travel anyway, just with my driving licence for identification.
I must have looked desperate!!
It has been frustrating to say the least and made me realize how much I cannot live without it anymore.
Our road trip was fantastic and made us want to take more and more trips in the future. Also the time with my family was great and I enjoyed spending time with my little nephew Roberto.
Here are some photos of our trip
Civitavecchia, port of Rome
Anguillara and the lake of Bracciano, Rome
Bracciano castle
Rome
Follonica, Tuscany
Aosta, Valle D'Aosta, on the border with France
Nantua, France
Nemours, France
Notre Dame, Paris
Tour Eiffel, Paris
That's it! This was our journey which ended with NYE in Paris. The next day we drove to Calais and took a ferry for Dover, England. Of course I had forgotten my passport back at the hotel in Paris, 3 hours drive away, but the lovely lady at the port let me travel anyway, just with my driving licence for identification.
I must have looked desperate!!
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Driving to Rome
Taking a break from writing about my past, I am getting ready for the Xmas road trip we will take in a few days. We will travel from London to Marseille, driving through all of France and then we will get on a ferry straight to Rome. It will be 14 hours on the ferry! Practically a lifetime.
But it will be by night, 6pm to 9.30am, so not too bad, as I will be sleeping 10 hours of those.
Then it will be 5 days in Rome with my family, or more correctly in Bracciano. My family actually lives in Bracciano where Tom Cruise got married, they moved there 10 years ago when I left Italy for London. We knew the place was beautiful much earlier than he ever knew it existed!
On the way back, we are not taking the ferry, but we will have to drive all the way from Rome to London. 1600 kilometers! Of course we have quite a few days and will be stopping by night in b&b along the way. We are hoping to reach Paris by New Year's Eve, and spend it there celebrating 2007. Back in London by the 2nd and back to work by the 3rd!
It will be quite an adventure to drive there and back, but of course also quite tiring. I will take pictures of France and Italy and try to post them here!
Also, this here below is the car we will be travelling with - so it will be great fun! We just bought it in September, it's from 1997, but still in perfect shape and a fantastic drive, if somewhat daunting for me as a new driver. I have been practicing ever since we got it and I am getting better and better.
We hope to be back all in one piece!
But it will be by night, 6pm to 9.30am, so not too bad, as I will be sleeping 10 hours of those.
Then it will be 5 days in Rome with my family, or more correctly in Bracciano. My family actually lives in Bracciano where Tom Cruise got married, they moved there 10 years ago when I left Italy for London. We knew the place was beautiful much earlier than he ever knew it existed!
On the way back, we are not taking the ferry, but we will have to drive all the way from Rome to London. 1600 kilometers! Of course we have quite a few days and will be stopping by night in b&b along the way. We are hoping to reach Paris by New Year's Eve, and spend it there celebrating 2007. Back in London by the 2nd and back to work by the 3rd!
It will be quite an adventure to drive there and back, but of course also quite tiring. I will take pictures of France and Italy and try to post them here!
Also, this here below is the car we will be travelling with - so it will be great fun! We just bought it in September, it's from 1997, but still in perfect shape and a fantastic drive, if somewhat daunting for me as a new driver. I have been practicing ever since we got it and I am getting better and better.
We hope to be back all in one piece!
Saturday, December 09, 2006
The night when the police came to my house...
During my search for the ONE, I ended up in a relationship with a tattooist.
The story with him was complicated to say the least.
He was a crazy guy, but I was in love with him. We were together a few months before I realised our relationship would never go anywhere. He was a complete flirt, and never cared for me too much I guess. He was too much in love with his Jack Daniel. So I started to detach myself but couldn't bring myself to leave him, so ultimately the relationship ended thanks to him.
He was a violent drunk and I was happy to be rid of him. I just wish I put a stop to it myself. As it turned out, he left me one night when I discovered he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. I was quite relieved to tell the truth, they deserved each other, but still very hurt.
A week after, he called me at 3am on a Thursday night, completely drunk, saying that he wanted to see me. I said no way, but he said he was coming over anyway. There was nothing I could do to stop him and I knew he meant it and that he would come over. When I heard him knocking and kicking at my door over and over again, my stomach tensed so much, I was sick with worry. I was afraid he would wake up my flatmates, so I let him in. BIG MISTAKE.
He was very drunk and emotional and kept saying that he wanted to start again with me. I played it cleverly and did not reject him, but I pleaded with him to just sleep on the sofa and that we would talk about it the next day. Was he going to shut up and sleep? Of course not. He kept going on and on about all sorts of nonsense, until I got very upset and asked him to leave.
At that point he lost it and grabbed me from behind to choke me. I knew he didn't want to strangle me, just to scare me, but I had enough of it and wriggled free of him and dialled 999 (in the UK it's not 911). Just before the police answered I hunged up. I do not know why, I just did not want to create trouble for him. Even though I certainly did not love him anymore, I unfortunately still had feelings for him. Having understood what I was trying to do, he grabbed my hair so hard, a big chunk of it came out in his hand and I fought back and pushed him hard - the pain was so much in my head, it was like he took the scalp off. At that point the phone rang.
I never knew at the time that the police would trace your call and call you back if you hang up. So they did, and thank God they did, and when I picked up the phone I was in tears and desperate, so I gave them my address. Things quietened down then, so I asked him to leave before the police arrived. I did not want him to go to prison, I just wanted him gone. Maybe wrong, but that was what I felt at the time.
He would not leave, he said 'bring it on'. In the meantime of course my flatmates woke up and came to my aid while we were waiting for the police to arrive.
When they got there, he resisted to go but at the end he went with them. I said I did not want to press charges, I just wanted him out of my house and out of my life forever.
The last I saw of him, he was entering the police van. That was 7 years ago.
The story with him was complicated to say the least.
He was a crazy guy, but I was in love with him. We were together a few months before I realised our relationship would never go anywhere. He was a complete flirt, and never cared for me too much I guess. He was too much in love with his Jack Daniel. So I started to detach myself but couldn't bring myself to leave him, so ultimately the relationship ended thanks to him.
He was a violent drunk and I was happy to be rid of him. I just wish I put a stop to it myself. As it turned out, he left me one night when I discovered he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. I was quite relieved to tell the truth, they deserved each other, but still very hurt.
A week after, he called me at 3am on a Thursday night, completely drunk, saying that he wanted to see me. I said no way, but he said he was coming over anyway. There was nothing I could do to stop him and I knew he meant it and that he would come over. When I heard him knocking and kicking at my door over and over again, my stomach tensed so much, I was sick with worry. I was afraid he would wake up my flatmates, so I let him in. BIG MISTAKE.
He was very drunk and emotional and kept saying that he wanted to start again with me. I played it cleverly and did not reject him, but I pleaded with him to just sleep on the sofa and that we would talk about it the next day. Was he going to shut up and sleep? Of course not. He kept going on and on about all sorts of nonsense, until I got very upset and asked him to leave.
At that point he lost it and grabbed me from behind to choke me. I knew he didn't want to strangle me, just to scare me, but I had enough of it and wriggled free of him and dialled 999 (in the UK it's not 911). Just before the police answered I hunged up. I do not know why, I just did not want to create trouble for him. Even though I certainly did not love him anymore, I unfortunately still had feelings for him. Having understood what I was trying to do, he grabbed my hair so hard, a big chunk of it came out in his hand and I fought back and pushed him hard - the pain was so much in my head, it was like he took the scalp off. At that point the phone rang.
I never knew at the time that the police would trace your call and call you back if you hang up. So they did, and thank God they did, and when I picked up the phone I was in tears and desperate, so I gave them my address. Things quietened down then, so I asked him to leave before the police arrived. I did not want him to go to prison, I just wanted him gone. Maybe wrong, but that was what I felt at the time.
He would not leave, he said 'bring it on'. In the meantime of course my flatmates woke up and came to my aid while we were waiting for the police to arrive.
When they got there, he resisted to go but at the end he went with them. I said I did not want to press charges, I just wanted him out of my house and out of my life forever.
The last I saw of him, he was entering the police van. That was 7 years ago.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Crazy Extravagances
Continuing from My Story in London so far...Part 2
While I was looking for an office job I was trying to enjoy my single status for once in my life and with money in the bank I felt I had the world at my feet. I started going out every night and meeting lots of new people and new guys. I spent and spent my money on drinks and taxis. Oh, was I generous, I was the most generous person on the planet. Christmas came and I gave to all my friends and family the most expensive gifts. Expensive meals and hotels followed, clothes and shoes, cd's and everything imaginable. I was two months without working and enjoyed everything that life had to offer. The best memory of my time then, was a surprise weekend trip to Italy to see my mum. Just the joy in her face when she opened the door and saw me was worth all the money in the world.
Also good, I must admit, was the feeling of being powerful and to walk in a five star hotel in Kensington and just be a queen for a night. And did I tip? I tipped like there was no tomorrow. Money meant nothing to me, ironically.
Change in my pocket would just fly into waiters and chambermaids hands.
There was no stopping me.
But of course there was. And what did stop me was my empty bank account. It was a ride, the most exciting ride of my life and it ended like every ride, hard and bumpy.
The end was like crashing back to earth after a journey to the moon.
I badly adjusted to having no money and soon I had three credit cards to just keep up with what I got used to so fast.
I got a job in the midst of all this, a good job, badly paid, but a good job. In a very prestigious university in London as an admin assistant in the psychology dept, which for me, was a very good job after waitressing and bartending.
The pay was crap and the credit cards made up for the things I was suddenly missing in life, but soon the credit meant paying for my travel to work.
Life went on and I ended up with 8 thousand dollars debts. Hardly what anybody wishes for at 23 years old. I had nobody to blame, just my stupidity. I wasted all my money and now I deserved every debt I had, because I did not know how to stop. I tried to fill my empty soul with things. And that just did not work. I realized far too late.
My complete denial about everything at the time also affected my romantic life and my conquests were just fun and games. Another notch on the bed. I wanted to prove to the world that I didn't need anybody or need anything that I could not provide myself. After so many years with my ex-boyfriend and time in bed with my injury needing everything and everybody, I thought that now was MY time.
What I didn't realize at the time, was that what I needed more than any shoes or clothes, was love. And all the times I walked in a bar and looked around for my next conquest, even though I felt in control and the most desirable and beautiful person in the room, inside I was just a lonely and scared and insecure little girl in search of her one true love.
Next...the search for the ONE
While I was looking for an office job I was trying to enjoy my single status for once in my life and with money in the bank I felt I had the world at my feet. I started going out every night and meeting lots of new people and new guys. I spent and spent my money on drinks and taxis. Oh, was I generous, I was the most generous person on the planet. Christmas came and I gave to all my friends and family the most expensive gifts. Expensive meals and hotels followed, clothes and shoes, cd's and everything imaginable. I was two months without working and enjoyed everything that life had to offer. The best memory of my time then, was a surprise weekend trip to Italy to see my mum. Just the joy in her face when she opened the door and saw me was worth all the money in the world.
Also good, I must admit, was the feeling of being powerful and to walk in a five star hotel in Kensington and just be a queen for a night. And did I tip? I tipped like there was no tomorrow. Money meant nothing to me, ironically.
Change in my pocket would just fly into waiters and chambermaids hands.
There was no stopping me.
But of course there was. And what did stop me was my empty bank account. It was a ride, the most exciting ride of my life and it ended like every ride, hard and bumpy.
The end was like crashing back to earth after a journey to the moon.
I badly adjusted to having no money and soon I had three credit cards to just keep up with what I got used to so fast.
I got a job in the midst of all this, a good job, badly paid, but a good job. In a very prestigious university in London as an admin assistant in the psychology dept, which for me, was a very good job after waitressing and bartending.
The pay was crap and the credit cards made up for the things I was suddenly missing in life, but soon the credit meant paying for my travel to work.
Life went on and I ended up with 8 thousand dollars debts. Hardly what anybody wishes for at 23 years old. I had nobody to blame, just my stupidity. I wasted all my money and now I deserved every debt I had, because I did not know how to stop. I tried to fill my empty soul with things. And that just did not work. I realized far too late.
My complete denial about everything at the time also affected my romantic life and my conquests were just fun and games. Another notch on the bed. I wanted to prove to the world that I didn't need anybody or need anything that I could not provide myself. After so many years with my ex-boyfriend and time in bed with my injury needing everything and everybody, I thought that now was MY time.
What I didn't realize at the time, was that what I needed more than any shoes or clothes, was love. And all the times I walked in a bar and looked around for my next conquest, even though I felt in control and the most desirable and beautiful person in the room, inside I was just a lonely and scared and insecure little girl in search of her one true love.
Next...the search for the ONE
Friday, November 10, 2006
Shattering my life
Thanks to Anon1 ;), I am taking the chance to talk briefly about my accident in 1995 when I broke my leg and received a sum of money from the insurance.
This was an event that destroyed my life as I knew it then, but thankfully not forever, just for a year. An event that made me lose my job, my boyfriend, my independence, my apartment, everything I loved and worked hard for.
This is the story of how I lost a year of my life for something I thought would only take a few weeks and a white cast that all my friends would sign.
My boyfriend at the time (the same one I went to London with) was driving us in my bike in Rome when a car coming from the left hit me,just my leg, shattering every single bone in many pieces. The hit was so hard and my shock was so much that I didn't know what had happened. The lady that hit me, got out of her car and tried to make me walk and put me in her car to take me to the hospital, but I couldn't move, I was so scared to even look down at my leg for fear of what I would see. The pain was not immediate, the shock stops it at first. My boyfriend was unharmed and white as a sheet, I don't think he said a word, he was also in complete shock.
The ambulance came and took me to hospital where they cut off my jeans and my boots and I saw blood, lots of it. The pain was now unbearable, but I still thought that they would let me go after they put a cast on me. I didn't realise that this was not a simple fracture, I didn't realise that I would spent the next 20 days in hospital, I didn't realise that I would get used to operations and anesthesia and nurses and doctors and that maybe I would always limp.
After a 4 hours operation the doctors were able to put it all back together and they advised me that there had been a chance that I would not have walked perfectly again, but the operation went very well. My life then was the hospital and the highlight of the day was the morning visit from the doctors when it was time for their rounds. Life was boring, painful, scary, I felt trapped, I kept asking 'why me?', I missed my real life so much. The first feelings are of disbelief, then anger, then depression. After a while in the hospital though, I felt like a spoiled kid for even complaining so much, as all I had was a broken leg, a complicated one, but still only a broken leg. I opened my eyes to everybody around me and it made me realise that I was actually very lucky.
Before the accident I was living with my boyfriend but then, as I needed 24 hours day and night care, I had to go back to live with my parents. I could not move from my bed for up to three months and my mum had to do everything for me. I hated being dependent so much from everybody, I felt hopeless, couldn't take a shower or do anything at all, my mum had to wash me and do everything for me. I spent nights awake from the pain and days asleep, I spent hours reading and reading and living in my own world. I made a promise to myself then, to remember always how precious things that we take for granted really are.
My parents lived 2 hours away from where I used to stay with my boyfriend in Rome, so I went from living with him, to seeing him once a week for a few hours. This crashed me more than anything, I loved him and I felt him slipping away slowly, I felt I was the outsider in his life, I felt I was not part of it anymore.
After recovering for a few months and a couple of operations to get some rods out of my leg, I was well enough to limp with crutches and I decided to move back into my flat with my boyfriend. But my flat wasn't my flat anymore. He couldn't afford it anymore on his own, so he moved out and moved to a smaller one. I didn't even have a chance to move, everything was moved for me. After a month at the new flat with him, he left me. He said he didn't love me anymore. I suppose I should have thanked him for waiting until I was well enough....
I felt like my world crashed down once more.
I moved back to my parents feeling pretty low. Before the accident I had a job, a flat, a boyfriend, now I had nothing. I guess as I got the money from the insurance, I felt I really needed it and deserved it and I regret now that I spent it all, but somehow that was what I needed to do.
After a month at home, I ended up getting back with my boyfriend, stupid move, and then after a few months we moved to London together, as you know. I still had not touched my money though, that would start in London after splitting for the last time, see My story in London so far...part 2.
I could have got more money if I took the insurance company to court, but decided not to, I didn't care. The amount I got was 14 thousand dollars. Not an incredible amount of money, but not bad either, I could have bought a nice car or any number of things, but I was 20 and didn't know any better and I preferred spending it bit by bit, day by day, until it was all gone.
This was an event that destroyed my life as I knew it then, but thankfully not forever, just for a year. An event that made me lose my job, my boyfriend, my independence, my apartment, everything I loved and worked hard for.
This is the story of how I lost a year of my life for something I thought would only take a few weeks and a white cast that all my friends would sign.
My boyfriend at the time (the same one I went to London with) was driving us in my bike in Rome when a car coming from the left hit me,just my leg, shattering every single bone in many pieces. The hit was so hard and my shock was so much that I didn't know what had happened. The lady that hit me, got out of her car and tried to make me walk and put me in her car to take me to the hospital, but I couldn't move, I was so scared to even look down at my leg for fear of what I would see. The pain was not immediate, the shock stops it at first. My boyfriend was unharmed and white as a sheet, I don't think he said a word, he was also in complete shock.
The ambulance came and took me to hospital where they cut off my jeans and my boots and I saw blood, lots of it. The pain was now unbearable, but I still thought that they would let me go after they put a cast on me. I didn't realise that this was not a simple fracture, I didn't realise that I would spent the next 20 days in hospital, I didn't realise that I would get used to operations and anesthesia and nurses and doctors and that maybe I would always limp.
After a 4 hours operation the doctors were able to put it all back together and they advised me that there had been a chance that I would not have walked perfectly again, but the operation went very well. My life then was the hospital and the highlight of the day was the morning visit from the doctors when it was time for their rounds. Life was boring, painful, scary, I felt trapped, I kept asking 'why me?', I missed my real life so much. The first feelings are of disbelief, then anger, then depression. After a while in the hospital though, I felt like a spoiled kid for even complaining so much, as all I had was a broken leg, a complicated one, but still only a broken leg. I opened my eyes to everybody around me and it made me realise that I was actually very lucky.
Before the accident I was living with my boyfriend but then, as I needed 24 hours day and night care, I had to go back to live with my parents. I could not move from my bed for up to three months and my mum had to do everything for me. I hated being dependent so much from everybody, I felt hopeless, couldn't take a shower or do anything at all, my mum had to wash me and do everything for me. I spent nights awake from the pain and days asleep, I spent hours reading and reading and living in my own world. I made a promise to myself then, to remember always how precious things that we take for granted really are.
My parents lived 2 hours away from where I used to stay with my boyfriend in Rome, so I went from living with him, to seeing him once a week for a few hours. This crashed me more than anything, I loved him and I felt him slipping away slowly, I felt I was the outsider in his life, I felt I was not part of it anymore.
After recovering for a few months and a couple of operations to get some rods out of my leg, I was well enough to limp with crutches and I decided to move back into my flat with my boyfriend. But my flat wasn't my flat anymore. He couldn't afford it anymore on his own, so he moved out and moved to a smaller one. I didn't even have a chance to move, everything was moved for me. After a month at the new flat with him, he left me. He said he didn't love me anymore. I suppose I should have thanked him for waiting until I was well enough....
I felt like my world crashed down once more.
I moved back to my parents feeling pretty low. Before the accident I had a job, a flat, a boyfriend, now I had nothing. I guess as I got the money from the insurance, I felt I really needed it and deserved it and I regret now that I spent it all, but somehow that was what I needed to do.
After a month at home, I ended up getting back with my boyfriend, stupid move, and then after a few months we moved to London together, as you know. I still had not touched my money though, that would start in London after splitting for the last time, see My story in London so far...part 2.
I could have got more money if I took the insurance company to court, but decided not to, I didn't care. The amount I got was 14 thousand dollars. Not an incredible amount of money, but not bad either, I could have bought a nice car or any number of things, but I was 20 and didn't know any better and I preferred spending it bit by bit, day by day, until it was all gone.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
My story in London so far....Part 2
We were nearly 4 years together and the way we left each other was horrible. First I left him by telling him that I was not sure about my feelings for him anymore. He took it ok, which meant he must have felt the same, but never told me, decided instead to cheat…but I didn’t know that at the time. We got back together after a couple of weeks, mainly because I was missing him like crazy, but I wasn’t sure whether I missed him or the idea of him. He cheated on me, than I did, then we split up again and then got back together the last time before he just never came home one night.
We just had rented a new flat and he left me with all the rent to pay, couldn’t get out of the contract, but couldn’t get a flatmate to share the rent with me as there was only one bedroom. So it was a nightmare scenario. When he finally got in touch, he said that he was back with the girl he was cheating on me with before.
It was the toughest period of my life and I suddenly felt so low and lonely. It was then that I started going out all the time and be single for the first time in a long time. I just couldn’t face being at home alone.
During this period I also went through some money that I received after an accident where I broke my leg in Rome. It was enough for a deposit for a home and I didn’t touch it for a while, but then suddenly single, I didn’t care about any stupid home, I was only 21, and so went about spending it all, day after day, month after month, hoping to fill my life and my heart with things….
In the meantime I was still working in a bar, but I decided then to take a chance and started going for interviews for an office job. I wanted to improve my life and I knew that working in a bar wasn't going to make me happy forever. I didn't have the time to dedicate to my job search with all the hours at the bar, so I quit. I quit without another job lined up; people called me crazy, but I knew that if I didn't do that, I would have never got out.
So for two months I frantically searched for something better and got myself into debt in the process, after having finished all my money. For two months I was broke and had to get credit cards just to pay my metro ticket, but finally I got a job as admin assistant in a London university. When I got my first paycheck I was ecstatic. It was ridiculous money, even less that I was making in a bar, but it felt really good after all the hard work.
My ex-boyfriend never supported this move, and never believed I could make it in any other job in England other than bars and restaurants, so this made me even more proud of myself. And good riddance of him!
Next time…. Crazy extravagances and debts spiralling out of control
We just had rented a new flat and he left me with all the rent to pay, couldn’t get out of the contract, but couldn’t get a flatmate to share the rent with me as there was only one bedroom. So it was a nightmare scenario. When he finally got in touch, he said that he was back with the girl he was cheating on me with before.
It was the toughest period of my life and I suddenly felt so low and lonely. It was then that I started going out all the time and be single for the first time in a long time. I just couldn’t face being at home alone.
During this period I also went through some money that I received after an accident where I broke my leg in Rome. It was enough for a deposit for a home and I didn’t touch it for a while, but then suddenly single, I didn’t care about any stupid home, I was only 21, and so went about spending it all, day after day, month after month, hoping to fill my life and my heart with things….
In the meantime I was still working in a bar, but I decided then to take a chance and started going for interviews for an office job. I wanted to improve my life and I knew that working in a bar wasn't going to make me happy forever. I didn't have the time to dedicate to my job search with all the hours at the bar, so I quit. I quit without another job lined up; people called me crazy, but I knew that if I didn't do that, I would have never got out.
So for two months I frantically searched for something better and got myself into debt in the process, after having finished all my money. For two months I was broke and had to get credit cards just to pay my metro ticket, but finally I got a job as admin assistant in a London university. When I got my first paycheck I was ecstatic. It was ridiculous money, even less that I was making in a bar, but it felt really good after all the hard work.
My ex-boyfriend never supported this move, and never believed I could make it in any other job in England other than bars and restaurants, so this made me even more proud of myself. And good riddance of him!
Next time…. Crazy extravagances and debts spiralling out of control
Friday, November 03, 2006
My story in London so far....
I have now been living in London for ten years and there many things I love and hate about the place. Yesterday I met a lovely girl from New York, here in London to study and I spoke to her about my love for the Big Apple.
It made me realise though that I am actually living in a similar place and that many people actually dream about moving to London. I never dreamt about it, it just happened and it was very exciting coming into a new world at 21, a world I knew nothing about, with a language I barely spoke, a new life starting, new experiences, and waiting for you just the unknown. Can be scary, but still exciting.
When I first arrived I hated that I couldn't understand much and I started working in italian restaurants as a waitress. Surrounded by italians, it wasn't very hard, but still alienating and lonely.
The only job I had in Italy before I came was sales assistant in a shoe shop, so I didn't really have anything going on for me, going to college wasn't something I was particularly interested at the time, not the way they had it in Italy. You study for 7 years at least, you live with your parents as you can't afford your own place, and by the time you graduate you are in your late twenties with no job prospects at all, even though you have a degree. That's why I chose to leave. There was nothing that Rome could offer to me at the time. London was a pool of opportunities and a new life.
I didn't come alone, I came with my ex-boyfriend and we ended up separating after a few months here. London does that to you, it changes everything, or maybe we weren't strong enough. We were so young and London was full of things we wanted to explore without each other I suppose.
...to be continued (sorry had to stop writing - my boss has come in!)
It made me realise though that I am actually living in a similar place and that many people actually dream about moving to London. I never dreamt about it, it just happened and it was very exciting coming into a new world at 21, a world I knew nothing about, with a language I barely spoke, a new life starting, new experiences, and waiting for you just the unknown. Can be scary, but still exciting.
When I first arrived I hated that I couldn't understand much and I started working in italian restaurants as a waitress. Surrounded by italians, it wasn't very hard, but still alienating and lonely.
The only job I had in Italy before I came was sales assistant in a shoe shop, so I didn't really have anything going on for me, going to college wasn't something I was particularly interested at the time, not the way they had it in Italy. You study for 7 years at least, you live with your parents as you can't afford your own place, and by the time you graduate you are in your late twenties with no job prospects at all, even though you have a degree. That's why I chose to leave. There was nothing that Rome could offer to me at the time. London was a pool of opportunities and a new life.
I didn't come alone, I came with my ex-boyfriend and we ended up separating after a few months here. London does that to you, it changes everything, or maybe we weren't strong enough. We were so young and London was full of things we wanted to explore without each other I suppose.
...to be continued (sorry had to stop writing - my boss has come in!)
Monday, October 30, 2006
Love to read
I love writing, but I do love reading even more. I read on average a book every four-five days. I give myself a couple of days break usually! My passion came from my mother - she is an avid reader and I grew up surrounded by shelves full of books of any kind.
From Danielle Steel to Wilbur Smith, from Shakespeare to Herman Hesse, from Ernest Hemingway to Erica Jung, from Erich Fromm to Stephen King, I had the pick of the best and the worst! I had romance and thrillers, I had philosophy and serious literature, psychology and history and I embraced them all.
All these books shaped and influenced me at a very young age and helped me become who I am today. Many things I have learned from the pages, many different dreamscapes anf worlds I inhabited, many journeys through the fantasies conjured from the hundred different stories. Every time a book ended, a small part of me also ended and disappointment was small or big, depending on how much I loved the book in question.
At 19 I broke my leg in a scooter accident and I had to stay six months in bed, back at my parent's place. Every day I was completely immersed in reading and read about 1 book per day. When you are in bed every day, immobile, without being able to even get up for anything, and I mean anything, all I could do was read.
Of course my mum's books were long ago read, so every visitor kept bringing me new or second hand books! I read anything and everything, just to take my mind off the situation I was in.
As time went on, reading became more and more my love and passion, but after moving to London, I decided to start reading in English instead of my own language, Italian. At first it was hard, even though my English was ok grammatically, it was lacking a lot of vocabulary. I started with I was hoping were easy books, something not too challenging, and so I chose Dean Koontz. I am not saying it is a completely easy read, but it's not exactly academic. I didn't get much at first, but slowly understood more and more. And I got hooked - he is so great and to this day, I still read all his new books. After him, I loved Patricia Cornwell, and I am still following all of her Dr Scarpetta series. The others I love from this genre are: Jonathan Kellerman (and his wife Faye), Michael Connelly, and Jeffery Deaver. Other authors I love are from different genres like Milan Kundera, Noam Chomski, Joanne Harris and also many Italian authors. The result is that my flat is full of books, full of shelves and every new book goes into a pile next to my bed!
I have run out many times of space and I really don't know where to put them anymore. I have started borrowing them from the library, so that I could also save some money, not only space!! Now I only buy new books when I go away travelling; the smell of new books is wonderful and browsing in a bookshop is the most relaxing past time for me.
So reading for me is a pleasure and very entertaining, but also sometimes can be anti-social and selfish, as nobody else can join in. I feel I shut people off a lot when I am reading, I hate being interrupted and so ignore everybody around me. I must then ''read with moderation''. There was a time when I was constantly reading and at that point I had to stop for a while and have a break, before this would have become an obsession. Now, I feel I have a more healthy relationship with books. I don't stay awake half the night like I used to, because I couldn't put a book down. I don't read every second I have free, and even on holiday I stopped reading on the beach for hours and missing life. So, I think that as long as I take it easy and limit my 'selfish pleasure', I should be okay!
I thank my mum for introducing me to this wonderful word of words, and I will certainly pass it on to my children one day, but I will also teach them to enjoy life outside of the dream world of books and not miss out anything else that life has to offer!
From Danielle Steel to Wilbur Smith, from Shakespeare to Herman Hesse, from Ernest Hemingway to Erica Jung, from Erich Fromm to Stephen King, I had the pick of the best and the worst! I had romance and thrillers, I had philosophy and serious literature, psychology and history and I embraced them all.
All these books shaped and influenced me at a very young age and helped me become who I am today. Many things I have learned from the pages, many different dreamscapes anf worlds I inhabited, many journeys through the fantasies conjured from the hundred different stories. Every time a book ended, a small part of me also ended and disappointment was small or big, depending on how much I loved the book in question.
At 19 I broke my leg in a scooter accident and I had to stay six months in bed, back at my parent's place. Every day I was completely immersed in reading and read about 1 book per day. When you are in bed every day, immobile, without being able to even get up for anything, and I mean anything, all I could do was read.
Of course my mum's books were long ago read, so every visitor kept bringing me new or second hand books! I read anything and everything, just to take my mind off the situation I was in.
As time went on, reading became more and more my love and passion, but after moving to London, I decided to start reading in English instead of my own language, Italian. At first it was hard, even though my English was ok grammatically, it was lacking a lot of vocabulary. I started with I was hoping were easy books, something not too challenging, and so I chose Dean Koontz. I am not saying it is a completely easy read, but it's not exactly academic. I didn't get much at first, but slowly understood more and more. And I got hooked - he is so great and to this day, I still read all his new books. After him, I loved Patricia Cornwell, and I am still following all of her Dr Scarpetta series. The others I love from this genre are: Jonathan Kellerman (and his wife Faye), Michael Connelly, and Jeffery Deaver. Other authors I love are from different genres like Milan Kundera, Noam Chomski, Joanne Harris and also many Italian authors. The result is that my flat is full of books, full of shelves and every new book goes into a pile next to my bed!
I have run out many times of space and I really don't know where to put them anymore. I have started borrowing them from the library, so that I could also save some money, not only space!! Now I only buy new books when I go away travelling; the smell of new books is wonderful and browsing in a bookshop is the most relaxing past time for me.
So reading for me is a pleasure and very entertaining, but also sometimes can be anti-social and selfish, as nobody else can join in. I feel I shut people off a lot when I am reading, I hate being interrupted and so ignore everybody around me. I must then ''read with moderation''. There was a time when I was constantly reading and at that point I had to stop for a while and have a break, before this would have become an obsession. Now, I feel I have a more healthy relationship with books. I don't stay awake half the night like I used to, because I couldn't put a book down. I don't read every second I have free, and even on holiday I stopped reading on the beach for hours and missing life. So, I think that as long as I take it easy and limit my 'selfish pleasure', I should be okay!
I thank my mum for introducing me to this wonderful word of words, and I will certainly pass it on to my children one day, but I will also teach them to enjoy life outside of the dream world of books and not miss out anything else that life has to offer!
Friday, October 20, 2006
To Have or Not to Have: Kids Anyone?
Dilemma of a career couple
There is no escaping the question: whether you want to have kids or not, and if you do, when will you have them? It is a question mainly women ask themselves and some men as well, or maybe most of them think, how long can I go avoiding the issue?
But sooner or later it comes back, as your friends start having kids. Once you marry everybody starts asking you about them – from your mother to your friends, from the co-worker to the neighbour.
Your life is perfect, you have a wonderful career, that special someone, you are having great fun, drinking and going out with your friends, weekends away, travelling, money for yourself, maybe for the first time you feel you know who you are and what you are doing, no care in the world.
Your job brings you satisfaction, or if not that, at least some money. Money for shoes, cars, clothes, travel, you have paid your student's debts and now you are just enjoying spending every last penny you earn. And why not, you work hard for it.
Then you wake up one day and your wife or husband says: Hey, what about kids, should we at least start to think about it?
We all have our reservations, whether you are a woman or a man, you both may have a good career that you don’t want to give up. More than the career, you don’t want to give up the freedom and the fun, the carefree days and also the money.
But I think that a day comes when the money, the freedom, it is just not enough. All the self-indulgence starts to bother you and all the going out and the fun start to feel hollow and shallow. And then you start wondering, is there more to life than this?
There is no escaping the question: whether you want to have kids or not, and if you do, when will you have them? It is a question mainly women ask themselves and some men as well, or maybe most of them think, how long can I go avoiding the issue?
But sooner or later it comes back, as your friends start having kids. Once you marry everybody starts asking you about them – from your mother to your friends, from the co-worker to the neighbour.
Your life is perfect, you have a wonderful career, that special someone, you are having great fun, drinking and going out with your friends, weekends away, travelling, money for yourself, maybe for the first time you feel you know who you are and what you are doing, no care in the world.
Your job brings you satisfaction, or if not that, at least some money. Money for shoes, cars, clothes, travel, you have paid your student's debts and now you are just enjoying spending every last penny you earn. And why not, you work hard for it.
Then you wake up one day and your wife or husband says: Hey, what about kids, should we at least start to think about it?
We all have our reservations, whether you are a woman or a man, you both may have a good career that you don’t want to give up. More than the career, you don’t want to give up the freedom and the fun, the carefree days and also the money.
But I think that a day comes when the money, the freedom, it is just not enough. All the self-indulgence starts to bother you and all the going out and the fun start to feel hollow and shallow. And then you start wondering, is there more to life than this?
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