Friday, October 20, 2006

To Have or Not to Have: Kids Anyone?

Dilemma of a career couple

There is no escaping the question: whether you want to have kids or not, and if you do, when will you have them? It is a question mainly women ask themselves and some men as well, or maybe most of them think, how long can I go avoiding the issue?

But sooner or later it comes back, as your friends start having kids. Once you marry everybody starts asking you about them – from your mother to your friends, from the co-worker to the neighbour.
Your life is perfect, you have a wonderful career, that special someone, you are having great fun, drinking and going out with your friends, weekends away, travelling, money for yourself, maybe for the first time you feel you know who you are and what you are doing, no care in the world.
Your job brings you satisfaction, or if not that, at least some money. Money for shoes, cars, clothes, travel, you have paid your student's debts and now you are just enjoying spending every last penny you earn. And why not, you work hard for it.
Then you wake up one day and your wife or husband says: Hey, what about kids, should we at least start to think about it?

We all have our reservations, whether you are a woman or a man, you both may have a good career that you don’t want to give up. More than the career, you don’t want to give up the freedom and the fun, the carefree days and also the money.

But I think that a day comes when the money, the freedom, it is just not enough. All the self-indulgence starts to bother you and all the going out and the fun start to feel hollow and shallow. And then you start wondering, is there more to life than this?


Marissa said...

yup. i'm not there yet in my life, but i'm already thinking about. i do know i want kids, but when i think about how much time i focus on career, friends, family, (boys ;) ), etc., it scares me to think about giving all that up....yet i know it's what i want eventually, i just can't imagine getting there. you know?

Rachel said...

I think that it is a very personl decision and anyone who thinks seriously about whether or not to have kids deserves major kudos.
I had a child at the age of 24. It wasn't a planned pregnancy but my son was welcomed with open arms.
It is amazing that before you have kids you focus on so many different things and kids are really more of an annoyance than anything else.
Once you have your own, your entire world revolves around your child. The things that you gave up or seriously curtailed to have your child aren't even a blip on the radar of life for most people.
Don't underestimate your capacity to love. It makes what you are giving up paltry in comparison.
People who chose not to have children deserve to not be harassed by anyone for their decision.
Whatever decision you make, don't regret it. Too many people think about the what if's and are never happy with their lot in life.

Cheryl said...

When the time is right, it's clear that it's time for a new chapter. Just have to wait for the other when to wrap up.

baba_ganoush_ said...

I have 2 children and things definately change. Going out, drinking, hanging out with frieds does not stop completely, but is does slow down.

My wife and I both have careers, which have really not been affected that much. We have no regrets. I could not imagine not having our kids.

Erica said...

Thank you for your comments! I definitely want kids, and I don't really have a proper career to speak of or any money really! I just wanted to make the case of someone other than me, to see how they would see it from their point of view. I don't have any doubt that I want to be a mother and my biggest fear is not being able to do it. I know it changes everything and I can't wait to experience it, I can't wait to become a better person because of it.
We will start trying next winter, still a long way away and in the meantime I give gifts and cuddles to my nephews!

Michael Manning said...

A great post! I like to think there is (but I am still single). On an amusing note: I had a date last week with a gal from London who used a saying I've never heard of. She said "Why don't you knock me up in the morning?" I almost choked on my food and said "WHAT!" She said, "Oh, another saying you don't have here (US)" and she explained. You are linked BTW. Cheers!

Heart Of Darkness said...

I fully support a womans/a couple's right to have children, to wait to have children, to decide not to have children... and I think everybody should do the same. As for me, I don't want children, and I've noticed it's as controversial as saying you worship the devil - people will look at you with uttermost suspicion and disgust, like the only reason you're alive is to breed...

Everyone's decision based on their living conditions and personal requirements. Just think about this: it's an 18 years commitment, at a minumum. And yes, you get a lot back, but still - you're a mum!

It works for people. I admire that.

Glenn Bishop "Bish The Magish" said...

I have 3 kids and I can't imagine my life without them.

Nice blog I have added you to my blog roll. Keep up the interesting posting.

Chris said...

I just started dating a guy. Normally, I never have the "Can I see us having kids" fantasy and with him I do. Although I'm still not sure if I'm selfless enough to be parent. That's my biggest concern. I like my me time. I like my freedom. Maybe kids aren't in my future after all.